40 Whatever

No Way Is That My Neck

 

Of course you can't see it in the picture, but this evil mirror revealed neck frights!

The other day I was in a cab, touching up my lipstick. The mirror tipped down, and somehow I saw my neck from a whole new angle. And it was crepey.  And saggy!

Suddenly Nora Ephron's book I Feel Bad About My Neck made a terrible kind of real sense. And I hate it!

So of course I obsessed about it in my sleep, and then tried to figure out a way to take a picture to show everyone. Because maybe it only happened once (nope, just as bad when I looked again), or everyone knowing will make it go away (not) and less tragic (totally) because this same thing is happening to you, right?

Right?!

Note to all of us: cosmetic companies are not trying to make you waste expensive product just so you have to buy more. Apparently you really do have to moisturize on your neck. And decolletage. Short of silicon, there's only one way to keep your upper boobs pretty!

- Cat/Bad Kitty

UR doin' it wrong: Howard K. Stern

Born: November 29, 1968

Let's see, by the time we turn 40 we hope to be beat-down, haggard, and best known for providing the drugs that lead to the death of Anna Nicole Smith. Not.

Howard K. Stern, you make turning 40 look real bad.

Tell us, Uncle Karl: What's it like?

UR doin' it Wrong: Hayden Panettiere

Born: August 21, 1989

Girl, you're only 20? You shouldn't look 40. You're wasting the best skin years of your life with all of that heavy foundation!

Also, put the Jane-Fonda 70's-hooker-movie outfits back in your mom's closet. They're adding years, too.

- Cat/Bad Kitty

Doin' it, doin' it, doin' it well: Aaron Eckhart

Born: March 12, 1968, Cupertino, CA (Bay Area represent!)

Thanks for making 40 look good, gorgeous.