A recreation of the look I gave that nosy bitch. I had to use wine, but you get the idea. Do I look pregnant?
So it happened again. For the second time in my life, someone asked me if I was pregnant. And I'm not. I don't even have kids. Plus, I feel like I'm always on a diet and workout all the goddamned time. How can I look pregnant?
It was not lost on me that this happened during my (extended) 40th birthday celebration. Is this the inevitable slowdown of my metabolism, which was never winning any races in the first place?
More to the point, how the fuck do you respond to a question like that?
"Fuck you hag, your teeth are grey!" was the first thing that popped into my mind.
"Oh shit" was the second, rapidly followed by "Why do I even try?"
Since I was enjoying a large, pink, vodka cocktail at the time, and continued to pound them down, the answers also continued to flow all night long. Chief helped. Guess which one he contributed:
- No I just have bad posture (hey, sometimes I do)
- Get me another drink, bitch
- We need to leave
- Don't hate me because I've got these great tits naturally
- This dress is getting burned
Who has an "Are you pregnant or just fat?" story? And more importantly, who has a good retort? Please, ladies, share, share, share in the comments.
We "fat" girls have to stick together.