I was talking to my friend Pamela yesterday (who, by the way, always looks smashing and is a fashion icon in her own right) and she posed the questions, "Can I still shop at Anthropologie? Or Target?" And I was all, "I covet the Tory Burch jelly ballet flats but are they too ridiculous for a 40-year-old?" (Never mind that I'd never pay $95 for them...)
In the end we decided that our feet are sweatier now than in the 80's when we last wore jellies, but we really didn't have an answer to the "what do we wear?" question.
So what does a 40-year-old wear? I have to say, I pretty much thumb my nose at all of the fashion rules. I am the queen of seasonally inappropriate footwear and wear my flip-flops--even white ones--well into the winter. I was born in Hawaii and live in Northern California and it's not that cold here. Bad Kitty and I pretty much agree that white is a year-round color so fuck the Labor Day-Memorial Day rule. We follow the P. Diddy rule.
And, as a plus-sized laydee, I can't shop at places like Anthropologie where a size 14 is really just a size they make for Japanese girls with boob jobs. I do shop Target and Old Navy and Gap Tall and have a closet-full of INC and Calvin Klein and Michael Kors because they make stuff I can wear. I still wear my black jelly bracelets (the kind from high school), and I love accessories, especially mixing family heirloom jewelry with stuff from Claire's, and yeah, I probably skew a little young, but does 40 mean suddenly having to dress your age? And what does that mean anyway?
Does it mean this? Seriously. Click on the video, you'll want to slash your wrists as soon as you hear the music.
I know ironic tees and probably braids and maybe even shorts are out for people my age, but will I have to start wearing pleated khakis? Or colors like soft teal and lavender? It's bad enough that I already wear the bathing suit with the skirt. (Which, yeah, okay, I love.) Will I have to start shopping at Chico's or LL Bean or far back wall at Target? Please don't make me go there. I like the rounders by the aisle. I'd rather die than put on anything made of faille or wool or adorned with French cuffs or that dowdy Ferragamo bow. And I rather die than shop at a store that sells sunglasses and purses to match the clothes. That's not even fine when your 5 and it's Gymboree. Will I have to trade my metallic gladiator sandals for sensible pumps? Stop streaking my hair every color of the rainbow? All I know is: we're turning 40 and we're in a fashion black hole. Where's that hot bitch Tim Gunn when you need him?
So tell me. What are your thoughts on this? What too-young-for-you clothing item or accessories will they have to pry off your cold, dead body? And, who are you wearing?