As de facto experts on all things cougar—not just because were 40-whatever but because we actually watched The Cougar—we were really sad to have missed the Miss Cougar America pageant at the National Cougar Convention held recently in our backyard jungle.
Forty Fifty-whatever women, twenty-whatever men. Plenty of white zin and "Brick House." Curmudgeons like hotel guest Mark Friedman, 45, of Boston who, after surveying the scene, scoffed, "I've never seen so many useless 20-year-olds in my life."
What the hell were we thinking?!?! How could we have missed that?!
We feel as though we've let you, our dear readers, down. We promise it won't happen again.
Next time, we'll be there to see the winner crowned and will toast her with our Cosmos. We're sure the pageant will have a media contact by then so we can request our badges.
Our PRESS badges.