40 Whatever

The Cougar - Episode 2: The Saddest 40th Birthday Party Ever

Yes, I went back for sloppy seconds so you didn't have to. Episode 2 of The Cougar included Lubriderm, three Herpes Kiss Off eliminations and flames. At least there was cake.

Pumping Stacey

The one enjoyable thing about this show is watching The Boys compete in stupid contests. It's an endless game of Truth or Dare, where they can only take the dare. Gee, are the producers competing among themselves to see who can make The Boys look the most stupid? Contest code name: Shooting Fish In A Barrel.

Truth or Dare-Dare #1:  Design a work out session for Stacey.

Inspired ideas included:

• Imaginary martial arts
• Bench pressing Stacey
• A stuttering Marine with terrible skin, Lubriderm, and something about massage... I looked away
• One genius tactic: "You don't need to work out, you're perfect, let's just talk. And kiss."

You Bet Your Ass We're Watching "The Cougar"

Leaving aside the fact that forty isn't really old enough to be a cougar (sigh) and young men are stooopid, I CAN'T WAIT to see the new reality show "The Cougar," brought to us by the classy love pimps from  "The Bachelor."

Stacey and Vivica. Yes, that does look like a bed behind them. Scary.

Hosted by the terrifying Vivica A. Fox -- would you talk back to her? I didn't think so -- this show is filled with shame pleasures.

Cougar Stacey Anderson is (0nly!) 40. She has four children -- yeah, a MILF. She's a real estate lady from Arizona who had over $50 million in sales her first year. Believe me, you'll recognize her: tiny, blonde, frozen face, pushy.

For some reason (maybe because it's cheaper than renting 100 billboards, in the desert, with giant real estate ads that feature her headshot?)  Stacey has agreed to date a house full of 20 idiots in their 20s, all with untucked shirts, hard bodies and flaccid minds. Mmmm, sounds dreamy. Not.

To be fair, the divorced 23 y.o. pool boy from Austin and the former Marine both tucked in their shirts. The rest? See for yourself.

Stacey's on Twitter and Facebook. And oh yeah, I'm following her.  I mean, I'm following the minion from the Mean Gay Producers Mafia who's been assigned to write her updates.

- Cat/Bad Kitty

That's So Cougar: Walgreen's Beauty Purchases

 

Yesterday I went to Walgreen's for two items:

• Olay Definity Color Recapture anti-aging UV moisturizer + sheer illuminating coverage ($29.99 and they keep it under lock and key near the Baby Phat perfume)
• a Ped Egg ($12.99, the kind with the handle so I "don't have to bend over.")

When your almost 40, you can spend almost $50 at Walgreen's on two items without batting an eyelash. You tell yourself that at least you aren't spending $150 on face cream at a department store, and then $30 for swirly tinted moisturizer seems justified.

I had bottles of sparkly green and turquoise nail polish in my hand but decided to put them back.  I also gave my kids some Chips Ahoy cookies as we entered the store so they would let me browse in peace, but they were too fascinated by the press-on nails (and toe nails WTF?) to bother me.

—Stefania/CityMama