How pissed were you the first time you saw "Disney Princess Cereal" on an end-cap, at kid-level in the grocery store? Do you know how hard it is to steer a three-year-old past that shit? For those that haven't seen this latest marvel of the cereal world, it is a box of cereal adorned with giant pictures of all the Disney princesses. This band of hookers is led by the sluttiest rendering of Sleepy Beauty I have ever seen (Paris Hilton much?), and stacked up behind her—all tits and hips and ass—are the other princesses rockin' half-lidded, come-fuck-me-looks. The only way this cereal would ever make it into my house is over my dead body.
Yet the above is what I hear Bunny shouting with glee as I was lying in bed half-awake this morning.
So I fly downstairs to see what all the commotion is about, incredulous that J. would ever make that cereal choice. Turns out he bought her some Rice Crispies, but way waaaaaaay in the corner of the box, is a teeny tiny Disney logo (the castle? I dunno, I've never been.), and this is the reason why Bunny is calling it "princess cereal."
On the one hand—Thank god that the Disney hoors did not grace our breakfast table this morning. But on the other, how fuckin' insidious is that? Bunny has no idea what Disney is, but now she kinda does. And honestly? The princess shit is bad enough. It is unavoidable. But now Bunny has that logo etched into her developing brain and will now be able to spot that brand no matter where she is like she has a bionic eye. //boo-boo-boo boo-boo//*
I know that if any Disney marketing execs were to read this, they'd probably circulate it around with a subject line that said, "Another job well done." Yep. Give that brand and licensing group a raise, Michael-Eisner-style! I hope you feel good about yourselves. I'm sure it's not a big karmic fuckfest that you make your living off the backs of innocent three-year-olds. ...so how 'bout another round!
*bionic eye sound effect