Finally had a phone interview yesterday for that job I was telling you about. I snacked up the girls, parked them in front of the TV and waited for the phone to ring. Half way through the interview Wallie toddled up to me and wanted to get into my lap, but I was prepared. Not only did I have my notes in front of me, but also: an iced oatmeal cookie, 2 boxes of raisins, a sippy cup full of juice, and a bowl full of Cheerios.
They were allowed everything usually verboten: unlimited snacking on anything they wanted, TV in the middle of the day, crayons in the living room... The interview went a little something like this:
Recruiter: So tell me about your family.
Me: blahblahblah
Wallie toddles over. I hand her the cookie, she scoots away.
Recruiter: How do you feel about technology.
Me: blahblahblahblah
Bunny tries to ask me something. I hand her the sippy cup. She runs back to watch TV. Wallie, crunching her cookie begins shrieking and holding her mouth. I put the recruiter on hold, wipe away the gushing blood mixed teething drool and half-chewed cookie (she bit her tongue), wipe her up, and park her in front of the previously forbidden kitchen cabinets, tell her to go to town, and then resume interview.
Recruiter: What kinds of parenting-related things do you feel comfortable writing about?
Me: blahblahcelebritybabygossipblahblahblah
Wallie and Bunny try to tag-team me. I dole out raisins and Cheerios. Continue blabbing.
Recruiter: Who are you at a party?
(Who am I at a party?)
I wasn't expecting this question at all. I was expecting any number of trick questions from the stardard "What is your weakness?" (parenting forum pals suggested I respond, "Chocolate" or "Kryptonite." I considered saying, "Naveen Andrews.") to the Baba Wawa classic, "If you were a tree what kind of tree would you be?"
But, who am I at a party?
What I said was this. I am the person at a party that will introduce herself to everyone because I hate that awkward moment when you find yourself standing next to someone at the punchbowl and you know you've seen each other earlier in the party—made eye contact even—but didn't say hi. Now, here you are next to other ladling jungle juice into Dixie cups, and you don't know if you should say "Hi" now, or just avoid saying it all together since you could have said it hours ago, but you didn't, so now saying "Hi" seems awkward.
Seriously, though. What's up with the people that don't introduce themselves at parties? I get the shy thing, I'm shy, but not intro'ing yourself is rude. It takes all my courage (and sometimes some liquid courage) for me to make the rounds at a shindig, but I do it. "Hi, I'm Bunny and Wallie's mom." Or, "How do you know so-and-so?" Or, "Hello, I'm CityMama." Once I get the HiHowYaDoings out of the way, THEN I feel like I can retreat into a corner (if I feel like it). I don't feel as rude because at least I've met everyone.
I'm also the person at a party that offers to help the host (partly because my mother would hunt me down and kick my everlovin' ass if I didn't), and has no problems passing around a bottle of champagne or cutting bread. I will clean up my kids' crumbs and make sure they wash their hands before touching your silk drapes. And if kids aren't melting down I am able, I will always help to clean up. I love doing other people's dishes.
I am not the person at a party that you will ever see raising a beer bottle and going, "WHOOOOOHOOOO!" (I'm not Tara Reid.) I am not the person at a party that you will see whispering in a corner (either to myself or with others). I am not the person at a party that will use the last of the toilet paper in your guest bathroom and not tell you about it. I will also never be that person at a party that gets drunk and passes out and lets people do stupid things to them and then take pictures and post them on the internet. Never.
Tonight I get to play Doting Partner at a party, since J.'s work is having a fancy cocktail-y/dinner party thing complete with gift bags. I get to wear perfume and lipstick. I dropped him off at work this morning and he said, " See you later, love. I'm so proud to introduce you to my co-workers." (Swoon. Sometimes I think I don't deserve him.)
The last fancy work function I went to with J. was almost four years ago when a company he consults for invited us on a junket to the Sonoma Mission Inn. I was 10 months pregnant with Bunny and Braxton-Hicksing like a mutha, but I wasn't about to miss out on swimming in the mineral pool, free massages, and a multi-course wine-tasting dinner. Yes, I sipped the wine. And, yes, I got yelled at by my OB not for the wine, but for being so far away from San Francisco so close to my due date. (Bunny was born the next weekend.) But I couldn't help it. I hate to miss a good party.
So how about you? Who are you at a party?
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