AN INTERVIEW THAT ACTUALLY CAME TO FRUITION

I have been interviewed by countless publications including the New York Times (for an article on tummy sleeping babies like mine) and Parenting magazine (mommy bloggers), but have never once appeared in any articles. I still dutifully answer interviewers' questions, but now I have learned to expect nothing.

Last year, Rachelle Unreich, a writer from Practical Parenting, an Australian publication, contacted me and asked me to respond to some interview questions. I had completely forgotten about it until today when she emailed the article to me. Here it is.  Be sure to scroll way down. Way, way down. Past Dooce and Suburban Bliss, you know, to the bottom of the article:

BABY BLOGS by Rachelle Unreich

 

Most mothers have a circle of friends they can call upon when they're faced with baffling baby dilemmas. But Tertia Albertyn, from South Africa, has an entire community willing to help solve her breast versus bottle or crying-it-out versus settling-to-sleep questions. Her blog – the term for an online diary, or web log – garners around 3500 visitors a day, and she freely asks advice from them – and receives it. "My blog readers are my online, on-call baby guide. It has been hugely helpful and hugely influential." That's an understatement: when Tertia was unsure whether to circumcise her newborn twin son, her readers tipped the scales towards no. "The response was so overwhelming, we decided against it."

 

A new blog is created once every second – that's over 80,000 daily - according to Technorati, which tracks blog statistics. At least 10,000 of those are parents writing about their kids. For Tertia, the mother of twins born via in-vitro fertilisation, no topic escapes blogging on "So Close" (http://tertia.typepad.com/so_close/). She's penned the best comebacks for idiotic twin comments (Comment: "Poor you!" Retort: "Damn right, how about a donation?") but she has also chronicled her heartbreaking experience of infertility, a journey which included the death of her first set of twins, Luke and Ben, when they were 21 and 27 weeks old respectively. Parting with such intimate information means that she's struck up a close bond with many of her readers, and has received baby gifts from destinations as far-flung as Hong Kong, Australia and South America.

 

Blogging about babies is a sign of the times – an extension of uploading digital photos and researching parenting topics on the Internet. For many parents, it begins as a way to record their child's developmental steps and milestones. Melbourne journalist Carla Danaher (http://www.babyari.blogspot.com/) initially saw her blog as a way to keep writing while she was on maternity leave; soon, it morphed into "a living, breathing photo album," she says. Like many mummy blogs, hers includes up-to-date family snapshots, making it "a wonderful way of documenting my son Ari's life and remembering all my thoughts and feelings as a first-time parent. Nature has a wonderful trick – you forget what it's like early on as a parent, or you tend to look back with rose-coloured glasses." Not so with soul-searching online: "Writing down what you're thinking and feeling helps you work through it…It's made me a happier parent."

 

That's a thought echoed by Heather Armstrong, a former Mormon living in Utah, USA who suffered severe post-natal depression with the birth of her daughter, Leta. Her blog (www.dooce.com) is so popular that its name has worked its way into the blogging lexicon. "Dooce" means "to get fired from your job because you post about your job on your weblog," which is exactly what happened to Armstrong in 2002. "Dooce probably saved my life," she was once quoted as saying, crediting her blog with giving power to a voice that often becomes silenced by motherhood.

It's not all seriousness at Dooce, as she jokes about her child's massive tantrums ("on the same block, always in front of Starbucks…After several minutes of trying to figure out what was wrong I finally gave up, got down on my knees and said through clenched teeth, 'You are not old enough to have your precious sensibilities offended by a corporate American franchise. Just save it for grad school"). But, often there appears a stripped-to-its-core entry which mirrors every parent's experiences. Referring to an incident in which she had to explain to a neighbour that her daughter wasn't yet crawling, she wrote "I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I feel like it's my fault, and while I know that's not true, I keep wondering if there's something I should be doing that I'm not doing…This is part of being a mother, I suppose: the constant nagging feeling of guilt and sorrow and joy and worry and unfettered elation, feelings that should not exist simultaneously but constantly exist simultaneously. I have never been so alive, and yet, so on the verge of collapse."

Not every blogger is so adept at delving into their feelings, and many baby blogs are packed with the minutiae of parenting, instead. Ben MacNeil has taken this to the extreme with his Trixie Update (www.trixieupdate.com), a record of his experience as a stay-at-home dad. He's published charts which tracked his daughter's every nappy change, bottle feed and sleep – eventually developing software which allows other detail-obsessed parents to do the same. "It's now become a serious business," he says, having launched his new venture late last year. 

Some may argue that baby blog content falls into the category of too-much-information (on her blog suburbanbliss.net, mother-of-two Melissa Summers wrote a post about her daughter's battle with lice, including hilariously doctored photos). Yet consider what Darren Cahill* says about recording his toddler's life on his blog, Papa Dog's Blog (http://papadogblog.blogspot.com/). "There are all sorts of little incidents and anecdotes that [usually get] lost in the midst of time. What I try to do is leave my daughter a record of what life was like from her parents' point of view during her childhood. I want her to know the kinds of things we did and talked about, where we went, what was important to us. I want her to know what a central position she occupied in our life, how thrilled we were when she was born, and what an all-absorbing spectacle it was to see her grow."

 

But just as many blogs are written so that the authors can share their "a-ha!" moments with others.  Divorced mother Mindy Roberts has three children, and her blog is so popular that she's turning it into a book. And which parent wouldn't be able to relate to the dialogue she captured when her son opened a disappointing present? "I don't really like these." "I hope I never get anything like these again." "Maybe I'll just let Dylan and Daphne and Daddy play with them." "Can't I ever just get an animal??" "I am really not going to play with these." "I guess I'm the unlucky one in the family." "Now I have nothing to do today. Oh, this is just too boring." And then, to his father: "Let me explain. Because I didn't get a toy that I'm used to playing with, I don't know what to play right now. So what I really need is the day off. I need you to not tell me what to do all day."

 

If you feel like you're right there, that's the point. Since blogs are online, accessible from all over the world, many people see it as an excellent way to keep others in touch with their family life. However, because blogs are on the Internet – and therefore published in a public forum – it's not just family and friends who keep track of goings-on, but strangers, too. Many parents have enjoyed the popularity of their blogs; Twizzle* (http://www.baboonmag.blogspot.com/), who prefers to use her internet 'handle', even got to appear on the Oprah show after she addressed a controversial newspaper article about parenting on her blog. "Knowing that you have a fan base or a group of loyal readers is quite a high, and is ego-affirming. It says to me, 'Wow, people like me, think I'm a good writer, and think I have interesting insights. They also think that my child is cute and smart!'"

 

However, Twizzle ultimately deleted her blog's archives, partly because of the very people reading it. Learning that she had offended her ex-husband with one post, she started censoring herself even more once her father became a regular visitor. "I was no longer free to write everything I felt because I knew that he'd have an opinion about it," she says. Even though most blogs appear to be highly personal, many of their creators will admit to toning content down. "I know my children will ready this someday and I don't want to be unfair to their father, their relatives, to myself. Having a bitchy moment is not a license to libel," says Mindy Roberts. And because her in-laws check in to her blog, Tertia Albertyn says that "I can't have a good old bitch about my husband."

 

And it's not just family you have to be careful of. Strangers often post their opinions, which may be helpful, insightful or validating. Alternatively, many bloggers receive unwanted advice, and then some. Mindy Roberts says that the worst thing about blogging is "the unsolicited, condescending criticism. It's a blog, not a screenplay or a court document. It doesn't have to be accurate or balanced."

 

However, Mindy is also quick to point out that there are many "heartfelt comments" she receives on her blog, which "get to me in a big way. I'm just doing my thing, skipping along, and suddenly someone will write to tell me how their life has changed or improved because of something they read on my blog….Of course, I also get the [ass*****] who make fun of my kids' artwork. There really isn't much to say about that." Other comments are even darker. Tertia says unwelcome feedback has included "people telling me I do not deserve to be a mother because I did selective reduction [termination of one or more fetuses in order to achieve a healthier pregnancy and more successful outcome] or people telling me I don't deserve to be a mother because I work."

 

Most bloggers respond to malicious comments swiftly, by republishing them on the blog for everyone to see, then getting their loyal readers to put in their two cents' worth – or email the offending person directly. As Melissa Summers warns to her readers, "don't be surprised if I publish your nasty email in its entirety. Before you hit that send button, ask yourself if you want the world to see what you've written."

 

One of the bonuses about this forum is that the blogger decides exactly what to put into her blog. Some people choose to reveal every detail about themselves, figuring that there are so many blogs in cyberspace, it won't matter how much they share. Others prefer using pseudonyms, and don't post personal photos. And bloggers always have the option to create blogs that are password protected, so that only those with authorised access can log on. Admits CityMama (www.citymama.com), whose two daughters are less than two years apart, "I only divulge as much really personal information as is comfortable for me. I am slightly paranoid so I will not write about things like my husband going out of town for extended periods of time until after he is back at home."

 

But the drawbacks of blogging are few compared to their benefits, which is why so many parents keep doing it. For starters, some bloggers have created writing careers for themselves. The World According to Mimi Smartypants (HarperCollins) is a selection of posts from http://smartypants.diaryland.com/ and CityMama gets small change from her getting published on other blog collectives (although usually it's minimal: as CityMama says, "it's enough to keep me in pedicures and cocktails, but not enough to pay the bills").

 

Handing out tips for would-be bloggers, Carla Danaher says to "write with passion – and keep it short and sharp, with lots of photos." That's because daily musings can easily turn into long-winded ramblings which no one wants to read. Ben MacNeil's advice is simply to get one's feet wet. "There are a number of free options available. Just give it a try and see if it fits you! Just write and see [how it] develops."

 

* Name has been changed

 

Getting started

You don't need to be a technical whiz or a computer know-it-all to start a blog. Many websites offer free services so you can write and publish your blog.

www.blogger.com: One of the most popular free blog-hosting sites

www.wordpress.com: Until recently, you've had to pay for their services, but they've just started free hosting

www.typepad.com: Even though you have to pay for this, fees are low and there are advantageous features for the serious blogger. 

 

Baby blogs

With so many baby blogs out there, it's hard to know where to start. Here are a few to get you motivated.

If you want to read different authors on one blog, head to blog collectives www.dot-moms.com (with contributors hailing from around the world) or www.workingmoms.blogspot.com (which explores the dialogue of working mothers).

 

Not all mums espouse the sugar-and-spice theory: if you want to hear from mothers who don't sugar-coat the parenting experience, check out The Sarcastic Journalist (http://shenuts.com/), Finslippy (http://finslippy.typepad.com/finslippy/)

 

Some mothers had a long journey getting there. Check out a diary of infertility with a happy ending (www.alittlepregnant.com) or inter-country adoption stories on The Naked Ovary (http://thenakedovary.typepad.com/the_naked_ovary/ ) and Boy Makes Three http://www.stilhoping12.blogspot.com/

 

Parenthood is about overcoming challenges. Imagine life with triplets on Raising WEG (http://raisingweg.typepad.com/). Or, read about one very inspirational kid, Danny, who has Down's Syndrome (http://www.oceanandstars.com/).

 

One thing that blogging highlights is that everyone's experience of parenting shares vast similarities. Reaffirm that notion by going to The Other Mother (http://theothermother.typepad.com), written by a lesbian mum, Yettabettaboo (http://www.yettabettaboo.blogspot.com/), penned by a Chasidic mother and Daddy Types (http://daddytypes.com/), the weblog for new dads. Still, some parents do seem a lot more talented – check out the beautiful illustrations on Melbourne mum Claire Robertson's site (http://www.loobylu.com/).

 

Saving your blog for posterity

Even after you've finished with your blog and deleted it from the Internet, you can still save it onto a disc (although hyperlinks will no longer work). In addition, companies such as blogbinders.com will bind your blog into a properly bound and professional looking book – so that you can present it to your child when he/ she is old enough to read it.