Melissa Summers represents "cocktail playdate mamas" on the Today Show

Did you catch the Today Show this morning?  Melissa Summers was on with Meredith Viera discussing the "cocktail playdate" phenomenon. I thought she brought it.

When Melissa told me she was going on the show, I was worried that they'd try to paint those of us that might like to have a cocktail or glass of wine at playdates (no, not every one) as a bunch of irresponsible alcoholics, but my impression was that it was a very balanced segment. (That "babysitter question" was just plain dumb, though.)

The moms they interviewed were all women I'd be happy to have over some afternoon to share a bottle of wine.  And Melissa is right, if you have a problem with that we probably can't be friends. And people that criticize moms who drink responsibly because we're adults, are just looking for an excuse to criticize, well, anything.

The weirdest thing about the segment was all the references to iVillage.  Does NBC have some kind of deal with iVillage? They must.  They polled iVillage users and 57% said they disapproved of cocktail playdates. I bet those numbers would be different if they polled on other parenting sites. (In fact [Meredith Viera], go over to Strollerderby and see what people are saying.) Then, at the end, they pointed viewers to some iVillage blog and not Melissa's blog. That was strange.

But anyway, Melissa: You were spot-on with all your answers.  You seemed relaxed and not-at-all nervous.  I would have had that "shaky-almost-crying" voice the whole time not to mention blood-shot-eyes...from my hangover not sleeping.  And your boots?  Hawt. Way to go, mama!

Comments

[el]

Is it just me or does it bug you that this is an issue at all. I don't get what the big deal is. The other woman just seemed so smug and annoying - I think she could have used a little drink to mellow her. I like to think of it not as “drinking while watching the kids” but rather “drinking because you’re watching the kids”.

[Velma]

I can't believe I missed it. I set my DVR, and then at some point this week it reset itself and it's gone! Waaahhh.

[kat]

NBC bought ivillage...about a year ago? Hence all the pimping about iVillage on all the nbc sites - like bravo.

[Deb]

I thought Melissa came across so much more as a real mom, the dr. seemed as though she was saying what she was "supposed" to say. It was all very polite, I was surprised at Meredith as well, she talks all the time about drinking!!
I resented the babysitter having a drink vs a Mom having a drink scenario...ridiculous...

[Colleen]

I thought Meredith fell a little bit too much on the side of the doctor and kept prodding Melissa a tad aggressively about the issue, especially when she brought up the babysitter issue. Come on.

Melissa looked beautiful. She was poised and articulate. It was fun to see her on TV after reading her for so long.

Now if you'll excuse me, my cocktail's getting warm.

[chris]

General Electric is the parent company of both NBC and ivillage.

I thought Melissa handled herself well too. The doctor seemed a bit uptight.

[harriett]

Completely inappropriate to have one (or two as Natalie Morales stated) glasses of wine in the midday - on a sunny warm day with a glass of wine under my belt I would not be suitable to drive and would feel very tired in about an hour after the initial "high" feeling. what kind of a picture are these mothers painting to their children, especially when the kids get a little older. This isn't the 50's. I wouldn't want my baby or child around this environment. When you are enjoying your children why in the world do you need to drink?

[Rachel]

I don't have kids yet but.. Here's my two cents, for what it's worth! I grew up in the UK and this type of drinking is seen as the norm over there. As long as you are not falling down drunk in front of your kids or driving them home DUI then I don't see a problem. Surely this type of drinking is teaching your kids that you can drink responsibly. Therefore, when they are allowed to drink, they don't have to go nuts and end up so drunk that they put themselves in danger, not just from alcoholic poisoning, but also sexual predators. I was allowed a taste of wine (like a tiny shot glass) at home on special ocassions from the age of 12. At 16 I was allowed to have a little more. I think this was the main reason I didn't abuse it when I turned 18 and could legally drink it. It wasn't taboo or overly exciting!

[pixie sticks]

I seriously don't get the hubbub either. Parenting is hard and everyone should do whatever they need to do (responsibly, duh - it pisses me off to even have to add that). Any kind of judgement of what soneone needs to enjoy themselves is just plain wrong and nobody else's business, by the way. Melissa did a fantastic job and now I'm fantasizing about eBaying my kids. Better check out that eNanny site instead!

[Emily]

I have this on my TiVo at home waiting for me. I am sure Mel made us all proud.

[patti]

Harriett, I am not impaired in the slightest by two glasses of wine, not in the afternoon, not in the evening, not at brunch. So I'm sure as heck not impaired by one.

What is irking me most about this big fake issue, is that it appears that the problem is a group of WOMEN enjoying a glass of wine together. What about my husband and I having a beer while we watch our kids play in the backyard? Is it somehow safer if a big strong man's there to supervise?

[Beard]

Harriet,

It is good that you know what happens to you when you have one drink on a sunny day. That way you can politely decline and go about judging the other mothers who don't have the same under level of tolerance as you.

[CityMama]

Harriet, it seems you view the issue from a very extreme POV, as if everyone who drinks automatically has a drinking problem and is raising a generation of future alcoholics. I have no problem with people not drinking for health, religious reasons, choice, whatEVER. I'm not going to go following them around with a martini saying, "Drink this!" That's why I don't understand why people would make an issue out of parents who indulge in the occasional cocktail playdate. I don't fault you for not drinking, why fault me for enjoying time with friends?

If I were invited to a friend's house for a weekly playdate and she drank a bottle of wine by herself everytime then yes, perhaps I might pull her aside and have a chat. But splitting a bottle (or two) amongst a group of friends on a Friday afternoon over the course of 3-4 hrs... What's the problem?

We sit around, chat, nosh, and have some wine. No one is getting wasted playing quarters or upside-down and naked drinking from a keg like they are pledges at a frat party. Although...hmmm...

I am an adult. I like to have a drink now and again. Just because I have kids, it doesn't mean I have to kidproof my entire life. I'm not a daily drinker. I like to have a glass of wine in the evening now and then just as much now as I did before I had kids. Why should I stop? I can't think of one good reason.

As an adult, I know what is appropriate and what isn't. Why would kids seeing their parents responsibly enjoying a glass of wine or a cocktail be harmful? And again, no one here is talking about kids watching their parents get so shit-faced that they pee themselves. We're talking about an occasional playdate, party, etc. where alcohol is served.

If you don't want your kids in that kind of environment, I hope you don't take your kids to (kid friendly) restaurants where they might see people responsibly enjoying a watermelon margarita or glass of house wine with their meal. They might get the wrong impression and turn into raging alcoholics.

[Andi]

I almost never drink. I used to drink quite frequently. I drank my way through college doing tarot readings in our favorite bars and clubs for drinks. Somehow, I just don't get much out of drinking anymore. I'd rather spend those calories on chocolate. It's a personal thing and not something that I would ever impose on anyone else. That said, I'd much rather hang out with the cocktail moms. I'm sure that the conversation is more lively... Maybe I can be designated driver in the event of an emergency? (which isn't so say that I think one is needed, but you never can tell...)

[wksocmom]

I want a cocktail playdate!! My mom talks about she an all her friends showing up some restaurant (HoJos or Harry's Hoffbrau or something) restaurant with like 2-3 kids in tow and drinking all afternoon - "we had nothing else to do" (and had to hang out until they could drive home :) I guess that was the "50s" (actually it was the late 60s/70s)

[Green]

Harriet,

The picture my parents painted for me was that alcohol was no mystery. As a 3 year old I was allowed to taste red wine on Shabbat and other special occasions. I grew up digging through the linen closet (where we kept all liquor) for creme de menthe to put on my ice cream as a little kid, and digging through as a teenager for brandy and kahlua to put in homemade milkshakes. My parents now have two adult children - one of whom sometimes tastes but never likes any alcohol, and the other who could happily drink a glass or two of wine with dinner every night but can also give it up with no issue when health problems call for it.

The issue is not as black and white as you're making it.

[Jane]

Look there are days when I wish I could have a glass of wine in the classroom! LOL! Of course I wouldn't but I see nothing wrong with responsible drinking in front of children. You see this at the dinner table at holidays or at resturants. Yes you are setting an example for your kids. If you are responsible about it this is what they will see. I used to think my mom had a cocktail every day after dinner. It was just club soda, but I thought as a kid that club soda had alcohol. I was a teen when I asked her about it. When she learned this she was so worried that I thought she was a big drinker and what influence it would be. I am a very casual drinker. No harm done.

[creative-type dad]

I think that's a great idea. The 57% that voted against it must live in a cave and watch Full House all day.

[pamela hornik]

I used to have the best friday afternoon playdates when my youngest was little. We ended the week by sharing a glass of wine, some good food, and some great companionship. I do not think anyone was using a flask while operating their minivan. With everything in life, when done in moderation, there is no problem. Anyone want to join me for a playdate--I will supply the wine.

[brandi]

Several of the moms at my playdate today saw the segment, so we talked about it quite a bit. We were all in agreement that a cocktail or two on occasion would be a great idea. We're having margaritas at the next playdate! What's the difference between sitting around at someone's house having a drink than going out to dinner and having one (or two) in front of the kids? No one gets up in arms about that. It's just like Patti said, people are only upset about it because we're women. No one cares if a group of guys gets together to watch the kids and have some beers while moms go out. Apparently us weak little girls can't hold our liqour.

[Rachel]

I posted before and forgot to say that I sure as hell can't hold my liquor and turn into a happily bumbling idiot after 2 glasses of wine :-). Therefore, I probably won't drink while in charge of my future kids. However, if a mother can have a couple of glasses of wine and not be affected then good luck to her. I just don't have the tolerance levels myself.

[Lena]

I cannot believe you thought that was balanced! That was so heavily skewed with judgment from the very beginning. Look at Meredith's line of questioning a second time and I think you'll agree.

Especially loved how she ended the segment by asking the Doctor "what do you think it means that more and more mothers are taking this route?".

I was completely disappointed with what I thought was just another example of judgmental mothers.

[CityMama]

Lena, I watched it again just to be sure and I still think, overall, the entire segment was balanced. They opened with a long video piece of clearly pro-cocktail playdate moms who all made excellent points in favor of. Then Meredith came on with Melissa and that doctor. The doctor repeated the same thing over and over again, never saying anything new while Melissa had a quick and sensible answer for everything thrown her way. I thought Melissa was able to make her case much more eloquently than the doctor--I rolled my eyes at her a lot. So yes, on those grounds, I thought the overall segment was balanced.

[Maddy]

I thought Melissa was great, but that Meredith and the other commenter were very disparaging toward mothers who have a glass of wine during a playdate, etc. Ugh. It was hard for me to watch. Very judgemental, and treated women as if we are small children who cannot be trusted to know our own limits. Eek.

[Lauren]

Hey CityMama,

I ran into your blog a few months ago, and have read it on a pretty regular basis since then. So, I decided to stop being a creeper and say 'hello' and introduce myself. I've enjoyed reading your thoughts and opinions.

[KTP]

I roll my eyes at the whole thing. "More and more mothers" are not doing this - it's the same amount as always. Someone already posted this and I agree - it's just another lame attempt by writers and TV producers to come up with copy and fill airtime. Blah, blah, blah. And, cheers!

[crunchy carpets]

What I don't get is all this talk about the mom's getting together for playdates with THEIR friends.

So the playdate is for mom..not the kids.

I arrange my kids playdates based on who THEY like....not on who I want to be chummy with.

Sure those are fun too and a chance for a laugh...but it all sounds a bit selfcentred to me..whether you like a drink or not.

[CityMama]

Crunchy Carpets, are you serious? I mean, really?

I arrange playdates with people I like that have kids. End of story. If I have to spend a good chunk of my day with another adult (and their kids), then damn straight it's going to be with someone I enjoy.

Whether we drink or not.

[crunchy carpets]

I think it is great that you can find other moms that you enjoy hanging with...I hope your kids like their kids ( or are we talking babies still here?)

I feel bad that you need to fill up you and your kids time so much and to be with other people all the time though...

that is the impression I am getting here..that your fun comes first!

You are a parent are you not?
There are some things you have to give up just a little is that not fair?

[CityMama]

Crunchy Carpets,

*Siiiiigh*

Where did I ever say that my fun comes first? Or that I fill up my kids' time with daily drunkfests with my boozy friends?

This is what people who have a problem with parents drinking have a HARD TIME UNDERSTANDING:

No one is talking about getting shit-faced every day and passing out while our kids run wild in the street (although some days...)

We are talking about THE OCCASSIONAL GET-TOGETHER (examples: having friends over for an afternoon playdate, inviting friends over for a BBQ, going out to dinner, where alcohol is AMONG THE CHOICES of beverages offered.) Nobody I know is getting hammered every day, all day. SHIT! What is so hard to understand about this?!?!

Crunchy Carpets, I work. My kid goes to preschool. I get together with other mothers about once a week and 90% of the time, no one is drinking. But if we wanted to, we could BECAUSE WE ARE ADULTS.

Again--what is the freakin' problem with responsible adults acting like responsible adults?

[thordora]

I guess my only question is why is this suddenly the big "issue" du jour? I don't drink in front of my kids personally, but who cares if someone else has a beer at the pub while having lunch with a group of friends and kids? I don't get it.

But hey, there's lots I don't get. Just seems like another overblown issue for everyone to get excited about. When they shouldn't.

But what do I know. Maybe I should go have a drink. :)

[crunchy carpets]

"We are talking about THE OCCASSIONAL GET-TOGETHER (examples: having friends over for an afternoon playdate, inviting friends over for a BBQ, going out to dinner, where alcohol is AMONG THE CHOICES of beverages offered.) Nobody I know is getting hammered every day, all day. SHIT! What is so hard to understand about this?!?!"

But that is what was NOT being discussed ...that YES is the reality for most women and parents in general...but it was focusing on playdates...the implication that playdates (for kids) were a time for women to chill over some nice white wine...I a practice that doesn't bother me .....but it was the implications around it that did....and from reading all the responses and 'tude all over this topic...there is a distinct stink of snobbery and trendy elitism going on.

You assume I have issues with drinking??

Actually no I don't...social drinking ...fine by me....but I ain't getting all in a flap about it either.

I think Melissa is actually the most reasonable sounding person on this topic..everyone else seems to be getting their designer panties in a knot.

Then again...i am not the target audience for things like strollerderby, so perhaps my playdates are not as cool as yours.

[P.M. Dunnigan]

Now that the Today Show has come out firmly against wine-drinking mommies, it is only a matter of time before the wrath and condemnation of Good Parents Everywhere comes down upon the practice of the "Playgroup Stripper."

See "Taking It All Off in Peoria" at www.suburbankamikaze.typepad.com

[CityMama]

Crunchy,

You are definitely viewing this through your own "lens." Snobbery and elitism? That's baggage you are attaching to this issue.

And it's only an issue because people like you are making it one.

I am so tired to talking about this. Can we move on?

[MelissaS]

Crunchy, I wasn't going to jump in here but I will say this. Some of my friends have compatible kids so we all play together. My playgroup (which now only meets one happy hour a month with school and other commitments) was lucky to have a group of kids who liked each other and hey! I liked their parents too!

It's lucky but not impossible. My kids have playdates with other kids where I'm not so wild about the parents and so we do a drop off playdate. Perfect.

I have friends who's kids are not compatible with mine so we do things on our own without kids at all.

People work out their needs with their kid's needs in lots of different ways.

I'm not sure I see the snobbery or elitism but you're welcome to that opinion.

[Her Bad Mother]

There is no better argument for more liquor than people who get bent out of shape about (moderate, responsible consumption of! gah.) liquor.

Applause-worthy post, citymama, as always.

[I Love Sleeeeep]

I realize I've come across this a little late, but it's too hilarious to pass up! Are people saying that responsible, moderate drinking by responsible, moderate mothers is not allowed during the day in front of our kids because ... why, exactly? They will have nightmares?
"Mama! Mama! I had a bad dream! You and Jen, you were... you were... Aaah! I can't say it! It was just so awful, you *sniff!* you had a... a drink! It was wine! And daddy wasn't home! *SOB!* Please rock me to sleep and leave the nightlight on, mama, I'm still scared!"
Please! This is all some lame excuse for networks to have some *controversial* subject for ratings, and gasp! it worked. Why won't any of the "anti-cocktail playdate" people respond to the charge that if men were watching the kids drinking a beer or two no one would care? Because, men don't care how other men parent. Women just LOVE to be catty and critical, don't we?

[jules11]

Hi Citymama,
I really don't see what all the fuss is about, its sounds like great playdates, wish it was here in Ireland, maybe I could start a new trend,The best of luck to you and your friends f**k the begrudgers!!!