Delta Zeta sorority members kicked out for being "unattractive"

I am outraged by an article I read in the paper this morning's paper describing how members of Delta Zeta sorority at DePauw University were evicted for not being "committed to recruitment," which, in no uncertain terms, meant: too fat and too ethnic.

A psychology professor conducted a survey at DePauw asking students to describe the sororities on campus.  Some sororities were described "positively" which Delta Zeta women were pegged as "offbeat hippies" and "socially awkward." The Delta Zeta National Headquarters freaked out thinking a negative review would hurt recruitment, and interviewed 35 DePauw DZ's about their "dedication to recruitment."

 

They deemed 23 women "insufficiently committed" and told them to leave the house. The 23 women included every woman that was overweight and included the only black, Korean, and Vietnamese members.

The remaining 12 members were "slender," "conventionally pretty," and "popular with fraternity men." Six of those women quit in protest.

Does anyone else find this outrageous? I hadn't realized that DePauw University was stuck in a 19th century time-warp. I thought this sorority prided itself on "philanthropy and service." Last time I checked, being hot and having an nice rack had nothing to do with that.

I have some experience with being in a sorority and my experience was not a positive one.  My university displayed much forethought and did not allow first sememster freshman to rush sororities.  At the time, there were only three on campus and no sorority houses. Rarely could a second semester freshmen join a sorority; our rush happened at the beginning of sophomore year.

At the time, I had no interest in joining any sorority, but three of my roommates planned on rushing so I decided to tag along. I remember my mom at the time saying, "Why would you do that?  Do you really need forced friendships?" and I admit, that stuck with me the entire time.

The three sororities on my school campus were already stereotyped by the time I joined the rush frenzy: the DG's were the "pretty" blonde-haired, blue-eyed types.  The Alpha Phi's were the "smart girls" (code for ugly?) and the DZ's were described in much the same way as the DePauw group.  As the newest sorority on campus, they had the hardest lot to bear.  They needed to recruit actively, which meant, I suppose, that they couldn't be as "choosy" (whatever that means).

I was invited to join the Alpha Phi's, and almost immediately I could see it was a mistake.  I had never been around such a backstabbing bunch of women in my life.  They admonished us to "never disparage a sister" and yet it seemed they were always fighting with each other. And, any "sister" that was "different" was talked about and looked down upon.  After about a year, I couldn't take it anymore and I decided to quit. Something you apparently never do.

I was harrassed and hounded like you wouldn't believe.  I had "sisters" calling me, I had people from the national chapter calling me.  I guess they didn't like someone learning their secrets then ditching. I think they also missed their $150 a month in dues. That experience only cemented for me that I had done the right thing by quitting.

If I were a member of the DZ's at Depauw, being both over-weight and half-Korean, I'd likely be asked to leave as well. It's too bad that my other "assets"—displayed here on this blog (where I can present myself without having to show off my appearance or my body), in my work life, and more importantly in my children's bright-eyed smiles—would be overlooked.

To the evicted sisters of DZ DePauw, I'd just like to say that I stand with you.  As someone who would have been kicked out right along with you, I stand with you. This is an experience that will inform the kind of women you will become. You will be strong, and hopefully, you will be fair.

As a mother of two girls, your experience both angers and saddens me. I would never want my girls to be judged by strangers who are under the misguided assumption that they are doing something for the "betterment" of an organization. I can't believe that in this day and age, an organization run by women that is supposed to support women and lift them up would behave in such a manner.  Because it's not men doing this, it's other women.

If some of you choose become mothers someday, you will teach your children that it's what on the inside that counts.  You will raise respectful sons, you will raise confident daughters. It I am proud an honored to call you "sisters" in life, and I stand with you.

If you stand with these women, please comment below. I will share this post with these amazing women.

...and I also have a few choice words for the DZ national officers (names and emails here) as well.

Others blogging this issue:
Suzanne Reisman
Elana Centor (who has lots of great links)

 

[photos: Andrew Hancock for the New York Times

Comments

[Shelley]

I don't know what to say. I felt sick after reading that NYT article. I will most definitely be writing the university and the DZ national office.

[BadKitty]

This article caught my eye, too! We didn't have a greek system at my school, just clique-y dorms, so I was spared this kind of organized friendship.

But if I was in a situation where I had to pick a place to rush, I would have been happy to find a group of offbeat hippies who are socially awkward. That sound pretty appealing. I bet that was an interesting and fun house to live in, before the judging conformists landed and tried to weed out all the variety. Those 23 young women who were kicked out and the 6 who had the strength of conviction to support their sisters with action are the kind of people I'd like to know.

And there is the irony. Those bitches tried to marginalize the "undesirables" to make themselves more popular. Instead the women they wronged are media heroes, and it sounds like the sorority is suffering.

Ha! In your face! We awkward hippies, current and former, RULE! BTW, we're waiting for you when you try to get a job in the real world. Think twice about putting that sorority on your resume.

[CityMama]

"BTW, we're waiting for you when you try to get a job in the real world. Think twice about putting that sorority on your resume."

So true, Bad Kitty! So true!

[Sarah]

What surprises me is that there are six young women who decided to STAY!

[Nordette]

Yes, they should think twice about putting it on their resumes, unless, of course, they're applying to a company that practices a similar bias.

Thank you for bringing this story to my attention. I'm familiar with two types of sororities, the ones that focus on social responsibility, community service, and a level of academic excellence and the ones that seem to focus on being social. Perhaps it's a bias on my part, but I associate the latter type with being shallow. Maybe Delta Zeta likes the idea of being shallow and popular more than it likes the idea of being associates with social responsibility and brains. If so, then that group is promoting a high-school clique mentality more than college ideals such as knowledge, emotional maturity, and good conscience. They are of narrow vision, placing the so-called betterment of their organization above the betterment of society as a whole.

Again, thank you for drawing attention to this folly.

[R2Dad]

I encourage these sorority women to re-engage in this fight and not stop until their national executive director is fired in an unusually public and embarrassing way. Personnel at the national level are never held accountable for their decisions, and this is an excellent opportunity to upend this tradition.
I came from a frat that decided to give up their national association because the "leadership" at the national level failed them. My allegance is now to the local chapter to which it reverted. Sure, the chapter lost visibility, but remained true to their identity.
Perhaps these women could "go local", if the local chapter owns the chapter house and not the national organization.
Best of luck, and don't give up your principles because some yahoo in a suit said you weren't "dedicated enough" or whatever euphemism they want to use to dump you. Kick some *ss and show them what you're made of! Don't retreat--it will stick in your craw for the rest of your life!

[halfmama]

OMG. That is utterly disgraceful. Bravo to the women who left. And as Sarah said: Who are the six women who decided to stay?? SHAME.

Good luck to those 23 girls. They are all much better off. And obviously deserve much, much more respect than what they were given.

[Michelle]

Did you go to my university? We had almost the same scenario... DG's, Alpha Phi, and Alpha Cai Omega. Same description fit with these women. Same story for me... I didn't rush until Soph year because my two best friends were in it. My parents thought it was a joke. After about one year, so did I and I quit. Then 'the sisters' were so pissed off at me they wouldn't speak to me my Senior year. In fact at my reunion... they still were pissed! What a joke. I found the whole experience lacking. In fact the reason I quit was because of the recruitment process. I have never witnessed a more shallow event, and hated how it brought out the worst side of people. Those gals are better off without the sorority.

[Amy]

Yet ANOTHER reason not to join a sorority/fraternity. Blech. I'm so glad I didn't, now I just hope my kids won't.

[honglien123]

Ick. I'm surprised that social Sororities have survived till this day and age in general. In my experience you have to pay for membership and go through some humiliating rites of passage just to join. How these activities promote friendship and sisterhood, I have no idea.

Those 23 girls are SO much better off and the 6 who decided to leave deserve applause.

[Beth]

I was equally outraged this morning. And appalled that ANYONE decided to stay. I'm pregnant with a girl -- it sometimes scares me to death... (But, you, Citymama, give me great examples of parenting a girl...)

[kim]

At the beginning of my junior year, I (informally) rushed into a sorority where I already knew a few sisters. I had always been very skeptical of the whole Greek organization, but I was extremely happy to have found a house of normal, friendly, supportive girls. There was ZERO hazing and yes, we actually did community service and sisterhood-based projects! So what happened? A few short years after my graduation, the chapter was shut down by National for the same reasons: low numbers, "bad" reputation, etc. This happened to the Alpha Phi house during my freshman year too; all current sisters were put on alumnae status and asked to sever all ties with the campus chapter, while they re-invented themselves. By the time I graduated, their "new" house fit in with most of the rest in terms of parties, hazing, drugs/alcohol, etc. If that's what it takes to be a "successful" sorority, then I guess I'm pretty happy that I graduated when I did.

It's a real shame to realize that while each house has it's own rep / "type", when it comes to their National Officers' agendas things are pretty similar across the board: crappy.

[Susie J]

Pathetic. It's so obviously contrived -- and the evicted girls will be much better off without the sorry sorority. Sad to hear of this happening.

[Mama's Moon]

Although I know it exists it still outrages me to hear about it. Because of my own ethnicity and it being painfully pointed out to me while growing up around blue-eyed, blonde souther belles I chose never to be a part of any organization of this type simply because the 'little girls' involved were, just that, little girls. Always smiley in your face but ready to snicker and stab behind your back. Even now as grown-ups they haven't lost their, um, 'charm'. It's disgraceful to women especially in a time when the voice of empowerment should rise louder than that of, say, vanity. But *sigh* what can you do when that is the characteristic bred from one generation to the next, and an educational institution allows for its perpetuation? Really, what's the sense in it all? Why do women feel the need to join a sisterhood? That kind of thing just stokes the flames of self-entitlement!!! I say, "Be your own club."!

[pseudostoops]

That a "national headquarters" would behave so badly is inexcusable- that they would be dumb enough to do so and think there would be no fallout is astonishing. Ironic that the goal was to *increase* recruitment- something tells me the DZ chapter at DePauw is not long for this world. As it should be.

[steen]

It's actually an unspoken fact about some of the sororities here in Orlando. For the longest time, all the "popular" sororities had thin, blonde girls and all the "unpopular" sororities had overweight and/or ethnic girls. It was disgusting.

It's not as prevalent now that sororities are desperate to recruit but a friend of a friend talked to most of the sororities on campus, looking to join one --- she was blonde, in student government, smart, a real "catch" --- and she noticed this kind of behavior in a few groups. They would leave the ugly/fat/ethnic girls in the main room and take the "suitable" ones into a separate room.

Vile, if you ask me.

So I don't think DePauw alone should be blamed. The entire Greek system needs to be overhauled.

[Kerri]

I was in a sorority at a large state university and I didn't experience anything like this. Maybe it was because it was a larger university with more sororities or maybe it was because I was in the "regular girl" sorority, but I find this appalling and completely unlike my experience.

In fact, at my school, the DZ chapter was struggling and didn't have enough members to keep its house open. So members of other sororities went to their house during rush and helped them recruit. They got enough members to stay on campus and actually ended up becoming one of the larger houses.

It sounds as though many people's experiences with sororities have been negative, but I wanted to raise my hand as one whose was not. My sorority was one with all kinds of girls: rich girls, poor girls, snobby girls, nice girls (more of these, thank goodness, or I wouldn't have lasted a week), smart girls, not-as-smart girls, white girls, black girls, Asian girls, Christian girls, Jewish girls, agnostic girls, etc., etc., etc.

I'm not saying it was perfect, but I can say with 100% honesty that hazing never happened while I was there, and asking people to leave was unheard of unless they did something like harm another person. For me, the sorority was a way to meet some new people and make a large campus a little smaller. I didn't go in for all the rah-rah-I-heart-my-sorority junk. I just wanted to meet, and did meet, some nice girls.

I do find this line amusing, BadKitty:

"Ha! In your face! We awkward hippies, current and former, RULE! BTW, we're waiting for you when you try to get a job in the real world. Think twice about putting that sorority on your resume."

Isn't this kind of the pot calling the kettle black? How about we keep an open mind about everyone, as CityMama suggested?

[Nina]

This is so disgusting. Thanks for posting about it CityMama.

I went to a large state university and although I wasn't in a sorority, the Greek scene was big on our campus. From an outsider's perspective looking in, a lot of the sororities did seem shallow and recruitment and rushing seemed to be based on looks. That said, I had a few very good friends that were all in one sorority and theirs was diverse both racially and just personality-wise.

I often wish that I had a joined a sorority while I was in college, if only because it was one of the few ways on our big campus to really feel like you were part of a smaller community. I think that's kind of what sororities are really supposed to be about.

All that said, I commend these girls for standing up against this injustice. I support you!

[Green]

I think someone else already commented on it, but the irony floors me - that people just trashed their public image while taking steps to get a better one. Now they'll be known as the stupid AND shallow sorority.

[Pamela]

Thanks for posting about this. I was shocked when I saw that story. Hard to believe how evil and stupid people still can be.I hope those girls have moved on to bigger and better things-

[kat]

my mom saw this article in the NYTimes and since she was a Delta Zeta at LSU, she was beyond upset. She's writing a letter to the national board and removing her name and info from their alumni list in protest.

[mad muthas]

it's mean girls all over again, isn't it? bullying is far more pervasive in the world than anyone cares to admit!

[Jill]

Uggh.
I was in the mean girl sorority - Delta Gamma. I now look back and cringe. The peer pressure to fit in in is tought... and deplorable - but when you are there and in the moment, it is your world.

Reading this article both saddens me and makes me want to tell every college age girl to stay far away from sororities.... they eat you up and spit you out!

[Sonja Emberg]

I am one of the six women who decided to leave the chapter as a result of their actions towards my sisters. I just want to say that even though six of the women stayed, not all of those six women feel what Nationals did was morally right. One of my closest friends decided to stay because she though if she left then Nationals would have all the power with the house. If everyone had left then who would be there to try to counter from within the house what would go on? Unfortunately right now she can't make much of a differnece because she is in New York doing an internship. But frankly, she has more courage than I did by staying to try to make something positive come out of this. Please don't try to make this about the girls against each other. This is about what NATIONALS did to the women of Delta Chapter at DePauw. And one last note...this is not a reflection on DePauw either. This is completely a reflection of the national organization of Delta Zeta. You should say...shame to them. Not all the women who stayed.

[Priscilla Duncan]

As an alumna of the Delta Zeta chpater at DePauw ('70) let me thank you for our outrage. As Sonja Emberg says above, DePauw has been remarkably supportive, with a blistering 2-page letter from the President; a statement of non-belief to national officers by the Dean; 55 faculty members protesting and support from other sororities and fraternities. Most of all, this house has produced campus and life leaders for generations, even beauty queens. It was a wonderful house where everyone's potential was celebrated, and I regret these narrow-minded ladies have returned for now a third time to "purge" such wonderful girls.