Putting PR people on notice

In the "State of the Momosphere" session on day 1 of Blogher07, I listened as not one, but two PR guys stood up to tell us mothers how proud they were of their strategy to "hook" moms into trying their products by pretending to read our blogs (so we'll trust them) before offering up whatever it is that they'd like us to blog for free.

And I fumed.

My hand shot up and Jory passed me the mike, and I told them (essentially) to stop treating us all like we're stupid.  We all know PR people don't read our blogs.  I mean, if one more PR person starts and email with, "Hey! How was Hawaii!" because a quick glance through last month's posts mentions my trip, I'm gonna scream.

I also told them that even though I get pitches everyday at CityMama, over at Kimchi Mamas (the Korean Mama culture and identity blog to which I contribute) we get none.  Not a one. Ever.

Because people of color do not matter to advertisers. (Edited to add: many of our contributors are white or half-white, BTW.  So what does that mean?)

To his credit one of the PR dudes came up to me after the session and asked "How should we pitch to mommy bloggers?"

And I said, "Tell me you looked up my stats on Alexa. Tell me you picked me because you *think* I may be influential. Tell me that you know mombloggers get pitched to all the time but that you'd *pretty please* like me to listen to you.  Just don't bullshit me by telling me 'you read my blog.' I know you don't."

Then he admitted, "You're right. We don't pitch to bloggers of color."  And here's the money quote: "We just don't know what to do with them."

Yes, I did thank him for making me feel like a second class citizen.

But the most important thing I forgot to say as I was giving the PR dude that smackdown was that when the BlogHer ad network was starting and Lisa Stone asked me if I'd like to join it, I said, "Sure, but I'm also starting this blog called Kimchi Mamas with some other moms..."

Without hesitating, Lisa said, "Great. We'd love to have you all, too."

I didn't have to qualify. I didn't have to explain. I didn't have to pitch. I didn't have to justify. And because of that, I remember her words.

She just GOT IT. No further questions asked, and Kimchi Mamas has been part of the ad network since the Day 1. That right there is why I have so much respect for BlogHer.

So why is it that no PR people will pitch to us?

When I pointed out sarcastically that maybe it's because "Asians don't clean," (since I do get an extraordinary amount of cleaning product pitches) an Asian sistah from the back of the room added, "Yeah, we just do laundry."

This brings up so many issues for me.  Like, why are all the people in commercials white? And why aren't there any sitcoms about Asian families? (Where are the Asian Huxtables or Waltons?) Why are we so invisible in the media? Why is it that when I see an Asian couple (or even rarer) a mixed-race couple on TV, I secretly take pleasure in it even though the novelty and tokenness of it pisses me off and then I get angry at myself for feeling happy in the first place?

What are these people saying about me if I'm desirable as a "CityMama" and not as a "Kimchi Mama?"

What we as BlogHers—as humans—going to do about it?

photo: Jupiter Images

[cross-posted on Kimchi Mamas, where we do more than laundry.]

Comments

[Daisy]

You go, girl! These PR folks need to hear from real women, real smart women, real women of all races. Thanks for speaking up! You're fantastic!

[Lia]

I am really glad to be able to hear your point of view because I would never know stuff like this happens. It makes me so sad that in 2007 shit like this still happens.

I wish I could have been there to see you take the PR guy to the cleaners.

[Amanda]

Not that this is an excuse, but could it be demographics? Are they maybe attempting to market to a broader audience? Having grown up in the bay area, I guess I always assumed it was that diverse everywhere, but it's SO not. I was completely unprepared for how white it is up here in the Northwest. In Mountain View, Alex was the ONLY white kid in his preschool class and here I have a feeling it's going to be the opposite. It's very strange.

[Miguelina (AKA Reluctant Housewife)]

Amen! I feel like I constantly have to remind them that I'm a not only a mommyblogger, but also a Hispanic blogger. It's disconcerting that marketers assume that if you a) write and b) people can relate to you, well, then you couldn't possibly be Hispanic!

The sad thing is that I can say this because I used to be in marketing. At times, it was a surreal experience.

What are we going to do about it? Great question. I don't have the answer, but I think that blogging and showing people that we're not so different is a great start.

Thanks for getting me thinking!

[Mom101]

So many good points. I'd actually love to have a greater discussion with you about it because you have excellent insight on this.

I can vouch for one of the pr guys on that panel however, and tell you that he totally reads our blogs. Like dozens of them a day, for real. I'm incredibly impressed with that because like you, I don't think the lame first line of the pitch letters that reference our latest post is fooling anyone.

And your comments were hilarious. My suggestion is that YOU go ahead and write that sitcom, just the way you want it, then pitch it, sell it, and shake up the world.

[Izzy]

My favorite is when they forget to change the name of the blogger they're contacting. I was recently addressed as "Rebecca" and while it's a lovely name, it sure as hell isn't MINE. You can be sure I wrote them back and told them what "Rebecca" thinks of their lame approach.

[QSMama / Lea]

I see that Mom101 mentioned the sitcom already--but what I clicked Comment to say is that you're onto something here. Might be an essay, a magazine article, a book. Let your anger and wonder lead you to create something timely and thought-provoking.

Sheesh, couldn't that PR rep have chosen some better words, like, "We have a lot to learn in that area. Where in addition to Kimchi Mamas should I start my research?"

- L

P.S.--SO jealous you're hangin' with Elizabeth Edwards!

[Tere]

As a Hispanic mama blogger, I agree with you that people of color/minorities do not matter to advertisers. It's a topic I touched on on a recent post over at BlogRhet.

You bring up some great points here that should make everyone think - thank you.

[GraceD]

Damn, dollin! Righteous and overdue slammin on the suits!

Did anyone video the session? If so, I'd be playing your smackdown on a continuous loop.

All righty, you'll debrief me at That Mexican Place, si?

xoxoxo

[Dana Tuszke]

I was so happy when I heard you say what you did in that panel. I wish the PR guys would take the time and do their homework before pitching to bloggers.

[fidget]

Thank you for handing him his ass. I'd also like to say that is is PR in general. The women who PR bomb me often seem just as clueless as the men.

[Marivi]

OUCH. I feel ashamed to be making my living doing PR. (Though going by Alexa data, as you recommend, would only exacerbate the problem, I think.)

Miguelina, Tere: Looking forward to checking out your blogs. (I'm from Mexico.)

BTW: When I first graduated from my Ivy League university (with nearly straight As, btw) and started looking for jobs, the advertising and public relations agencies I targeted all told me they couldn't hire me because they didn't do Hispanic marketing! Did they really think my ethnicity and ability to speak Spanish canceled out my English-language skills and general smarts?

[ec]

I totally agree with Mom-101 about the sitcom -- I think part of the reason there isn't an Asian sitcom out there is because no one's writing it! I've been telling myself to write one or at least start writing one for years but alas, I get distracted.

You should do it!

[Kendra]

Some times reader, first time commenter--You go girl! I guess that I live in a bubble (an ivory one at that, sorry), but I didn't realize that this crap still went on. I believe in you (not that you need me, I know) and get pissed when I hear this stuff. Your writing is great and you're smart. I think that there will be more people listening now, and they should!!!

[Beth Blecherman]

Thanks so much for putting things in perspective at that session. Especially when you said "Don't pretend that you read our blogs". I felt like screaming "Go Girl"!!!

And let's call out those "PR" firms to diversify their outreach of moms.

[Glennia]

When you said, "Asians don't clean..." I thought to myself, "except when we're cleaning other people's houses..." Have you noticed how every cleaning lady on TV or in movies is Black, Hispanic or Asian? I guess we don't buy the cleaning products, we just use them for other people.

I am so there for writing a sitcom with you, Stefania.

[Mocha]

Those of us who "get it" have a responsibility to explain it to those who don't and boy, are WE tired. Onward, my sister. Onward.

I join in because I both can and choose to do so.

[Momish]

I agree with Mom101 that you should start that sitcom!

I am glad you wrote about this as I too would never know that your two blogs were treated differently. That is very disheatening to know, although sadly it doesn't surprise me in the least.

Thank you for speaking out on behalf of mommy bloggers in general and racially diverse mommy bloggers in particular!

[Jenny]

Margaret Cho has written about her sitcom that never really got off the ground back in 1994. (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108693/)

http://www.margaretcho.com/blog/allamericangirl.htm

[PunditMom]

You really nailed it with your comments. Do we think they'll listen? Also, it was so great to meet you!

[Marriage-101]

As someone who actually works in PR (but doesn't pitch bloggers) I think I can shed some light on this. PR people are pitching you because they think your blog is influential. Your other blog may not be as high in rankings/comments and so doesn't appear to be as influential at first glance. It has nothing to do with race, but more to do with popularity. PR people only have so much time and the blogosphere is HUGE so they go for the biggest, most influential blogs, dependant upon the product/issue they're pitching. If your other blog gets just as much traffic/comments as this one, then you're right, there is a bigger problem at hand.

[Juliana]

Marriage101, you are just confirming what Citymama is saying about your field. Read again what the PR guy said to her at the conference.

[LawyerMama]

I loved, loved, loved your comments in more than one of the sessions! Thank you for speaking up.

I guess that PR guy was trying to be "honest" with you, but ouch. I mean, you already knew the truth, but to have it confirmed like that probably still feels like a slap in the face.

[mothergoosemouse]

Like Liz, I will vouch for one of the PR guys. But given how many fake-sounding emails I've received lately congratulating me on my pregnancy - not to mention all of the past emails that were dripping with BS - I don't blame you one bit for taking him to task. Blogger outreach in general is laughable, but blogger outreach to minorities is nearly non-existent.

That's one reason that Kristen and I have sought to include a wide range of bloggers in the Parent Bloggers Network. We'd love to hear from any minority bloggers who would be interested in talking with us about becoming part of the network.

[Violet the Verbose]

Why do advertisers think they have to pitch differently to minorities? Do they? If they're pitching to mommybloggers, then they're pitching to women who have children. And across all cultures, doesn't that make us all the same in those two things? Forgive me if I'm being ignorant, but I just never imagined it would take so much thought that they would simply leave people of color off their list. That's ridiculous. And if they're that concerned about doing it right, why don't they ask the people of color/racial minorities who work in their companies?

[Violet the Verbose]

OMFG I just read Marivi's comments (I started out at the beginning but then commented & started reading up from the bottom, ha ha). That makes me want to scream.

[Stefania/CityMama]

Violet, you nailed it. Why the difference?

***

Everyone, thanks for your comments. I've been thinking about this issue (and talking to PR people, go figyer) all day. It's time for a change.

[Lena]

I love that you brought this up during the session. As soon as I saw Jory pass you the mike, I knew it was going to be relevant and thought-provoking.

This issue is horribly upsetting - I'm not sure if you attended the Inclusion/Exclusion panel, but this was addressed there as well.

I love your fire, Stefania. It was lovely meeting you as well.

[Lady M]

Thanks for the great commentary at that session. Since I haven't pursued ads, I hadn't even realized that being Asian (or another minority) would be an issue in the blogosphere, where you just see WORDS.

It was great to meet you!

[IamSusie]

I have a very new crafty blog and I had no idea that bloggers of any kind get approached by PR people!

[IamSusie]

I have a very new crafty blog and I had no idea that bloggers of any kind get approached by PR people!

[Liz]

This post rocks and I had the pleasure of hearing your words, in person - though, I felt overwhelmed by the BlogHer Con to say so - I think you're fantastic, but should have shook your hand and told you, then.

Forgive me.

[Christina]

I'm glad you brought it up, too, because (from my very limited experience with them) I had no idea that PR people did this.

It doesn't make sense to treat minorities any differently. You're still a mommyblogger, you still feed your kids, clean your house, go to the park, drink your coffee, etc. just like anyone else. So why is there a need for them to draw a line just because of race?

Hopefully they'll take your words to heart and work to improve the situation.

[PinkPowerSuit]

I would have done the same. How patronizing.

I loved Margaret Cho's sitcom and was sad when it went off the air. Man, that was so long ago.

I've noticed this myself that there are few Asians on tv. I mentioned this recently to my husband. There's the token black character, the token gay character... no Asians and no Native Americans (or Canadians).

[Lisse]

Ah, the perils of niche marketing. Instead of evoking our commonality, it seeks to divide and target. Happens in politics too, and look where that's gotten us.

[Lisa Stone]

Oh Stefania of the golden pen, erm, keyboard. :) I am sorry I missed this session, although I did see people pouring out of the room as I left another.

I'd forgotten our conversation about Kimchi Mamas -- I just remember how excited I was for BlogHer to sponsor the blog when I found out who was writing for it. I think, after reading your post and Mocha's, that you have a terrific idea for a panel on race and mommyblogging for next year's conference.

If you don't mind, I'd like to offer some advice to anyone in advertising, marketing, PR and/or media who seeks to reach the most techno-savvy, economically influential women online: You want to reach women who blog. We control 83 cents of every single household dollar.

And if you're lucky, you need to reach women who blog who are also moms, because sometimes what we consume is not a mystery. (Example: Diapers--> Underoos --> Spiderman boxers --> striped Fruit of the Looms --> "Mooom, let me pick out my OWN underwear will you?!!")

If a brand team ignores a woman who blogs because of her race, they are making a major strategic error that will cost them customers and reduce their brand influence online. Don't take my word for it, read the surveys -- and note that race has nada to do with the influence of these mommybloggers:

--> Read Mom-fluentials, the Burston-Marsteller report (note the photos on the page I linked)

--> Read the spring 2006 survey of BlogHerAds member blog readers

Those of you here already read Stefania, perhaps also here, here and here. You may also know that Mocha Momma is the architect of the BlogMe mixer in 2006 and 2007.

In other words, these two moms who blog are the online equivalent of hostesses with the mostest. These are influential women. Like the women we're proud to have in BlogHer's (growing ad network).

Our goal is to reflect the strength of our community by topic area, and to do so requires that we reflect the diversity of women who blog -- be it in parenting, food, health, business, finance, entertainment, or young singles.

That's why we've opened our ad network to applications from blogs of all sizes AND readerships AND topics AND demographics. It's the only way I know of to deliver BlogHer's sponsors with the full power of women online. For a taster of that power at work, check out these links by women bloggers about the iPhone. A wildly diverse group -- all talking about the same product.

And I have hope, because we're also proud to be working with a growing number of sponsors who value all of our bloggers.

And with that, Stefania, I look forward to your panel recommendation for next year!

[Karen]

wish I had been there, thank you for making those salient points and for being that voice!

[Lovebabz]

Go ahead Girl wit yo Bad self! Let them know that SisterMommas are here and we are happily raising children and we shop!
Love,
Babz
www.lovebabz.blogspot.com

[joy]

I was there, and I was cheering when you made those comments (and you were dead funny too). This is so complex. I think it's about race, about STATS, about the way in which the mommasphere is shaping up, so much.

The fact that this conversation is continuing is very gratifying, as my one criticism of the session was that with so many voices wanting to be heard, getting your teeth into a real issue (in all its complexity) was a challenge.

I think the diversity issue has been an elephant in the room for a while. Let's whip that bitch.

[Sandra]

Check out www.mochamomma.com she has a great post about this topic as well!

[Brian Solis]

Unbelievable. Simply unbelievable. As a PR veteran and a blogger/writer, it's frustrating to see that this lame BS is still out there...at conferences no less.

Well, all I can say is thank you for speaking up. This has inspired me to write a series on the subject to help PR people not only "get it" but to stop insulting the people they reach out to!

This is about building relationships, not spam.

Brilliantly said!

[Jelena]

PR people who target you do not care about your race or any other personal characteristic; they only care about the fact that you’re influential in the online environment. They attribute that influence to the fact that you are mothers who control a significant part of household budget. People at Burson-Marsteller conducted some dodgy research and determined who the so-called Mom-fluentials are. People who like this concept do not give any importance to the fact that those Mom-fluentials have numerous different identities (including the ethnic identity). However, I think they will get to that eventually.

[Noah]

FYI, almost everyone at my PR agency just read this post.

As a PR professional, I'm always extremely appreciative to read feedback like this.

[PunditMom]

Yes, with some notable exceptions (I'm talking about you David Westcott!) it's really infuriating to get all the E-mails and notes from PR people who think they can send out a last to a zillion bloggers and we'll be all grateful that someone paid attention to us.

As for the ethnic issue, isn't it just a small part of the bigger conversation we all need to be having?