Project Life Change Underway

It's been two weeks since I set some plans in motion to shake things up around here. And shake I did. I looked long and hard at my life, talked things over at J., and decided that that working full time was the thing that had to give. So I quit my job. It's a good thing, really. I couldn't do that work-at-home/stay-at-home "juggle" anymore, and it's a relief to just finally be able to accept it already.

I'm closing things out today. Work will be just fine without me, but my kids—who are still small—won't. I didn't want to couldn't be absent from them anymore. And, boy, do we have some fun planned for the Fall and Winter. Call it making up for lost time.

Linda Hirschman would surely frown upon my decision, but I surely don't give a hoot. When it comes to spending time in front of my computer or spending time with my kids, I'm choosing kids. Easy-peasy. Absolutely no regrets. Not a one. I'm not "opting out," I'm "opting in." I've been opting out all summer: opting out of playing and being a fully-present mom and feeling guilty and sad about it. Now, I'm opting in for volunteering in my kids' classrooms and packing lunches and cheering from the soccer field sidelines and enjoying my kids' childhoods before I miss one second more.

And strangely or magically, freelance opportunities—manageable ones I can accept or refuse on my own terms—have been springing up all around me. Which just goes to show that you have to loosen the grip sometimes. But I'm not ready to tackle that now. Right now I just want to be with my girls and chill out for a while.

Now, when I go to pick up my daughters from school, all I am thinking about is how their days went. Nothing more. And, I'm sleeping soundly (like a rock, actually) for the first time in a long, long time.

These days, I'm happy to report I'm feeling groovy. More than groovy, in fact. It's like I'm on cloud nine. Life with the girls, being their mom, feels like it's supposed to be. J. has also been so sweet and supportive and agrees this move was long over due. I'm so happy that I made this decision before school started for both girls so that I could be fully present and enjoy it. I shudder to think how I would have handled it before, and I'm so happy that I'll never have to find out.

My biggest worry right now is how to get from Wallie's preschool to Bunny's kindergarten in under 15 minutes. And that, my friends, is it.

Comments

[Julie]

Sounds wonderful. I'm jealous. I head back to teaching (just one university course, two days a week) in less than two weeks and my heart's already breaking. Enjoy being home for me, please?

[maddy]

I am happy for you. Believe me, I know what a relief it is to reclaim your family time without so much other stuff hanging over you. ugh, that was a messy sentence, but you get my drift.

[stephanie]

Yay! I'm so happy for you.

You sound so good. :)

[Dawn]

Good for you! The power to make a choice is so.... liberating to read about :)

[Kate]

My Mom stayed home with us when we were growing up and I am so grateful to her for it! I think its a wonderful, wonderful thing for a mom to be able to be there with her kids day in and day out. Congrats and enjoy!

[nap warden]

Good for you! I am still wrestling with all this, it's hard being a grown-up;)

[Jonathon Morgan]

Congrats on making that decision. It's a toughy.

[Amanda]

You have me totally inspired! I've recently decided that as soon as we move into the new house, I'm leaving my laptop upstairs, permanently. I need to start scheduling my work around my kids and not vice versa.

[Miguelina (Reluctant Housewife)]

Congratulations! I can sense your joy all the way from Boston.

[Marissa]

Congratulations! There's so much pressure for women to do everything these days. Have a blast being mom with out the weight of all the other stuff now.

[Christina]

I know how difficult that decision can be, having just quit my job. (Still doing some paid blogging, though that's manageable.) It is such a relief - it feels like a weight has been lifted.

Congrats!

[Sun]

Congratulations! I know what a tough decision it must have been (and will continue to be for awhile - the 2nd guessing can be brutal), especially here in the Silicon Valley. But it sounds like you've made the right choice for you & your family.

I can't wait to hear more about Wallie's & Bunnie's adventures!

[Lisa]

I am so happy for you! This important step is a beginning of wonderful things for you and your girls.

But it also makes me sad. My babygirl just turned 1, and we have a new, hefty mortgage that ensures that I work full time. I don't quite know how to change it, but I know I need to. I don't like spending so much time away from her, but I have to work to pay the bills.

I hate money.

[Lia]

I left a comment earlier, hmmmm. Anyway....YIPEE!!!! Now we can play more and go out more.

[Allison]

I'm in the Linda Hirschman camp... sorry. J works and manages to also have a family, so what does it say about our society that women feel like they can't handle both? Men can have balance and women can't? Or, he doesn't have the same need to spend a lot of quality time with his children -- and is the childrearing really the woman's sphere? And if the latter is the reality, is that a good thing? And if it's not, can't we change it? I don't accept that raising my kids is my responsibility and working is his. We both have responsibilities - to our careers, to our children, to our relationship. It's hard, though. No doubt about that. But, I want to model equality to my girls - my goal is that they know that they really can hope to achieve their dreams, and that they don't have to sacrifice a career and their ambition to have a family.

[Jules]

I was wondering when this was going to happen. Good for you, for making a choice for your children and for you & J for making it work. Lucky bum. This was (retiring from you-know-where) by far, the hardest decision I'd ever made. Time, money, career loss. I know now I made the right one. Yay for soccer!

[Mrs Mogul]

I've am freelancing but I also have to work full time next week. It's been horrible being at work and not being with my son, so perhaps stay at home is more for me for now.

[tanyetta]

Bravo! Bravo! So when are you going to post the video of Wally and Bunny doing the happy dance! I love this decision!!

[Selfmademom]

As one of my mom friends, who just quit her job recently, you know when the time is right to walk away. I'm so happy for you.

[Meagan Francis]

But Allison, that only counts if it's actually the woman's dream and the woman's ambition she's living out. Should we sacrifice our sleep, our mental wellbeing and the relationship we feel we should be having with our kids (not the relationship somebody else is telling us we should have with them) in order to chase a dream just because it more closely resemble's the man's?

I think that the flaw in your argument is the assumption that women all have the same ambitions and goals as men. In fact, many of the men I know don't have the ambitions and goals that society tells them they "should". So how does it empower us or our girls to try to be "equal" at the cost of our own needs and desires?

[Meagan Francis]

and, uh, please disregard the apostrophe in "resembles"...omg, I swear I really do know how to use punctuation!

[Kim]

Good for you! You're making a decision that works for you and your family. Enjoy your long nights of sleep!

[kimberly/tippytoes]

Congratulations! Your happiness comes through in the post.

[TC]

I'm glad you have that choice. I've been feeling much as you have--spending sooooo much time working from home, unable to enjoy my kids, though they're older than yours--but I'm unable to do what you've done, since mine is the only income we have. Don't let anyone tell you that it was the 'wrong' choice; it was your choice, and thus by definition it was a good one. Having choices at all...that's the key.

Enjoy the freedom to do what you want, when you want. Enjoy the freedom to work at being Bunny and Wallie's mom. You've earned it.

[jenB]

I am also very happy for you. You seem to be content with your decision and I totally get where you are coming from.

Smooch those cutie girls for me.