My thoughts on Jessica Seinfeld's book...not that you asked

Well, actually, someone did ask...

There's been a lot of hype this week over Jessica Seinfeld's new book Deceptively Delicious where she discusses ways to hide veggies in foods kids love in order to get them to eat more vegetables. I've not read the book, but apparently she advises parents to hide spinach in brownies or butternut squash puree in macaroni and cheese. These ideas and recipes may or may not be her own, but that's for her lawyers to sort out.

I'm just going to say it: I think this is a bad, bad idea and I think parents of my parents' generation are all rolling their eyes thinking, "Parents today are soft. Grow a friggin backbone already." 

I think Seinfeld's book is based on the presumption that there are certain foods that moms consider "kid food" (mac n cheese, PB&J, chicken nuggets etc.). And I also think it's born out of a certain privileged point-of-view. I mean, when do we stop catering to our children's every whim (because not everyone can afford to) and stop being short-order cooks in the kitchen. (Plus, does anyone believe she is really doing the cooking, cuz if I had all her money, I might not. Or at least, not as often.) I say, stop thinking about food as being divided into kid-friendly fare and "adults only."

The bottom line is this: I don't want my food to be deceptively delicious. I want it to be delicious. Full stop. And if it isn't, maybe I need to go back to the drawing board and try again.

Yes, my kids drink fruit juice, eat the occasional mac 'n cheese or chicken nugget, and we aren't above a Happy Meal treat every now and them, so I am definitely not hardcore about anything when it comes to food. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. But I am strongly opposed to "kid menus" and foods created specifically with kids in mind.  Why limit your child's palate from the beginning?  I say, start them out by exposing them to everything, even if you don't like it. Even if it's not on the kids menu.  And especially if you think they won't like it. You never know. Palates are individualistic. The first time my 14-month-old devoured half of my Caesar salad, I knew that letting kids try everything (barring allergies) was the way to go.

• If your kid won't eat vegetables, feed them fruit.
• If you kid, doesn't eat fruit, feed them veggies.
• If your kid won't eat either, maybe talk to your doctor about vitamins.
• And if all the above doesn't work, take comfort in the fact that "it's not your cooking, it's your genes." (Okay, maybe that's not helpful.)

Do I have a solution that will work for everyone? No. Do I know the frustration that comes with parenting a picky eater? No. But I know what has worked for my family, and I share it here:

• We've feed our kids what we've eaten almost from the beginning. We went through the same period of introducing new foods to babies that everyone goes through but we weren't hardcore about it. I've always used herbs and spices in my cooking and would add a little curry to pureed acorn squash or ground oregano to mashed zucchini. For the babies, I avoided using salt or spicy chilies, but I wanted their foods to have flavor. Would you like to eat pureed chicken with nothing to enhance the flavor? I wouldn't, so I added a drop of extra virgin olive oil and the teensiest pinch of rubbed sage or a smidge or unsalted butter. Food may be tasty in its natural state, but most of the time, I think it's better when you "do" something to it. Once they hit about 9-10-months-old though, our dinner--whether it was spaghetti or mild lamb curry or roast chicken and potatoes--went into the food mill and was fed to our kids.
• Try, try again. I reintroduce foods often. I cook what my husband and I want to eat and try to incorporate at least once item I know my girls love. You never know when kids will decide they want to try something. If they reject it once, try it again next month. And the next.  I have a 5-year-old that lists her favorite foods as brussels sprouts and pasta with truffles. Go figyer.
• I don't cook two meals. If my kids don't like it, they don't have to eat it.  I won't let them starve: we always have yogurt or fruit on hand, but I can count on one hand the times they've turned their noses up at dinner in favor of yogurt.
• Make food fun. We often have breakfast for dinner or cold pizza for breakfast.  My five-year-old definitely is of the mind that breakfast foods are for breakfast and so on, so when we change it up, she gets a huge kick out of that.
• Let your children be involved in the entire cooking process. Take them shopping with you. Let them hold and smell the ingredients. Marvel over delicious-looking tomatoes or bright pink salmon. Say it out loud, "Look at that broccoli rabe. That would be so yummy roasted with garlic and bacon. What do you think?" Let them hear you gush so they know that food is fabulous! Talk about the ways you will cook the items you buy and what sounds good, then let them help! Anytime I can involve my girls in the kitchen I do.  They naturally want to help and even though it's tempting to say no--especially when you are rushed and don't want kids underfoot while you are tryin to get a meal on the table--resist. Say yes and let them get their hands dirty. I believe that when kids are invested in cooking the meal, they are more apt to want to eat it.
• When we offer treats (dessert night is once a week) we also offer fruit. My kids will eat their treat and will also always eat the fruit. Sometimes  they even reach for the fruit first.

Hiding foods, though? No. Never done it. It just seems so distrustful and I'm not the only one who thinks so. I've seen my daughter spot a microscopic fleck of parsley in her food with her bionic vision. Imagine how she would feel if I tried to sneak an eggplant chunk (her least favorite food item) into her meal. I think I'd have bigger issues to deal with then.

Just say no to Deceptively Delicious.

:: :: ::

Cross-posted on my food blog, Family Food.

Comments

[Nancy]

I agree completely. I think kids' relationship with food depends on how their parents react towards (and eat) food. If parents are picky or eat junk foods, guess what the kids will do? Sure, all kids have picky moments, but if you offer a variety of healthy and delicious foods, they will eat SOMETHING. Deception just sets them up for a lifetime of picky and/or unhealthy eating, and possibly a very unhealthy attitude toward food (which is never good in this day and age of obesity and eating disorders.)

[Deirdre]

I agree. We have a strong "it is what it is" philosophy about food. I also simply refuse to allow my children to be very picky eaters, no matter how much they try to test the limits. However, for my own health I'd love to be able to pack my favorite baked items with pureed spinach.

[Jessica@ A Bushel and a Peck]

I totally agree...as soon as they were able, my two kids have gotten for dinner whatever my husband and I were having. And now I have a 3-y.o. who INHALES california rolls (with chopsticks!), and a 1-y.o. who eats anything and everything that is put on his plate. Including the napkin, so maybe he's not a good example. But you know what I mean!:) We tell my daughter that the rule in our house is that you always at least TRY the new food. If you don't like it, you don't have to eat it. But you have to try it. She does, and she has realized wuite a few times that she actually likes something she thought she didn't.

[daddy in a strange land]

Amen to that. I too have been lucky to not have had a "picky eater" and I watch some friends struggle to get their kids to eat and I wonder what I'd do if that was me. But it seems to me that the whole trick-'em or separate-meal thing does everybody a disservice. Since she ditched "baby food" (after we gave her some smoked-chorizo-hummus at a wedding as a lark)our toddler's eaten what we've eaten. She doesn't always like or want everything, and she even likes some stuff I don't touch (like ketchup--don't ask, I know I'm weird). But I'm not worried she'll starve if she doesn't want what we're having. I'm just too worried to go the other way, having seen what can happen when a child is catered to "too much" and becomes a young adult who will only eat processed junk food and plain white starches.

[PunditMom]

Hear, hear, CityMama! I've never been a fan of Jessica Seinfeld anyway (a little thing about her dumping her first husband right after their honeymoon to run off with Jerry -- sorry, I can't help it!) As for the food, I've tried to follow the things you've written about -- and there haven't been many nights when PunditGirl has refused to eat anything.

[allison]

I'm not a parent yet, but that is just wrong! What happened to "You can't leave the table until you've eaten your spinach," said by a parent with a firm hand? Is it now "You can't leave the table until I've tricked you into unknowingly eating your spinach?" I agree with Nancy - that seems like it's just going to set them up for more pickiness.

[LizP]

Another mama in agreement! When my now 2 year old was about 8 months old we took him out for sushi with us. He ate avocado, shrimp, rice and even a little seaweed! He loves stir fried veggies (complete with soy sauce, garlic, and ginger), raw red onions, and cucumbers. We went out to dinner last Sunday, the husband, the 13 year old and I ordered from the normal menu and we ordered something for the 2 year old off the "kids" menu. The "kids" menu food came home and was consumed by the 16 year old the next day. The 2 year old ate off of our plates. We're not doing that again in the near future. I my opinion if you make special food for kids then they'll expect it.

I don't know anything about Jessica Seinfeld's book, but Melissa Summers on WorkItMom has been trying the recipes out on her family and they have not been rousing successes. If a kid won't eat chick peas normally, why would they want them in cookies?

[shel]

yeah, it's not necessarily right to hide the good stuff from your kids. but for any parent that has been in a rut or has that super picky eater, maybe this will get them motivated to at least try some new stuff. *shrug* just my .02.

[Julie Pippert]

I'm with you. We have the "try it" rule here.

I believe in teaching proper nutrition and living it, too. One the whole, of course. Not 100%.

Then again, I've been told I've been blessed with Not Picky eaters and ought to count my lucky stars. I think that's about 45% right.

Julie
Using My Words

[christina]

Here, here. My kid has always eaten a version of what we eat. By that I mean, at times if I am cooking something spicy like curry, I'll scoop some out before I add the chili pepper, that sort of thing. But otherwise, there's not second menu for her. Besides not wanting to be a short order cook, who the hell has time to make two menus? I don't even feel like i have enough time to make one decent meal, certainly not two. The whole thing about pureeing the food is that for me, it's great as soup, but to start putting in other things, it changes the moisture content, the texture, etc. Then you aren't teaching your kid about the real food, the kid is gonna think cauliflower is supposed to taste like cheddar. My kid is not yet three and among my peers and their kids she's the only one who likes fish and asks for (cooked) sushi. She loves her fruit and has her favorites for veggies. I've noticed that she'll leave the ones she's not into and eat the ones she likes but eventually gets a few of the unwanted items in her mouth. That's all I ask, a taste and a try.

[Marriage-101]

Wow, I completely agree with you! I never really thought about having a picky-eater child, but I know I'll be coming back to this post in a couple of years.

[tanyetta]

I have a picky eater. I've learned a great deal from this post. ;)

[Lauren]

I so agree... and I am so glad you posted this. We are very much in the "try it" camp, and have never made special food for Margot. She is two and eats pretty much everything I cook. I am not a fan of eggplant or pureed spinach, so why would I force myself (or her) to eat something that we don't like? There are so many other alternatives in food other than chicken nuggets and PB&J.

I really enjoy your food blog!

[Lia]

Well, I have the book and I don't see it as a bad thing. I do most of what you say BUT if I have a chance to make something a bit more healthful, I don't think that is wrong. I also don't use it as a means to be all my kids veggies. She eats fruit and some veggies and I will still offer them with meals no matter what.

What I do know is that Mac N Cheese with a some butternut squash thrown in hers isn't difficult nor bad for her.

I think if you are using the book to be the only way your kids will eat veggies than you are going about it the wrong way. Especially because it is a very small amount of veggies they are getting anyways from it.

I don't know, I just think that it can be used is a positive way all while using your suggestions too!

[middleagedmom]

I agree with you whole heartedly!
How are children ever going to learn to eat their vegetables and appreciate them if they never SEE them?
I don't think her recipes are bad, in fact some of them sound delicious. But I'd rather have my children see what they're eating and appreciate the tastes and textures of the different foods.
Thanks for sharing your ideas about how you get your children involved with food!

[Stefania/CityMama]

WOW! It's nice to see I'm not alone. The book has been getting so much PR I thought, "Where are the dissenting voices?" (Not on google search, apparently.)

To those that have the book and love it, good for you. As parents I guess we have to try whatever works. I just can't get over the sneakiness. It bothers me to be deceptive. Rather than try to hide veggies, I'd rather spend the energy trying new recipes to see if eventually we'll hit on one my kids like.

[darbunk]

I do have a picky eater.

I think it's interesting that most people define a picky eater as someone who doesn't eat veggies. My kid will eat veggies, but they have to be a certain way. He's picky when it comes to texture...no chunky tomato sauce or creamed spinach. He'll eat veggies stir-fried or raw, though. He won't eat meatloaf either, but will eat meatballs. It's hard for me to figure out sometimes, but I'm not too worried. I hated a lot of things when I was a kid, but now I'll eat just about anything. I know he'll come around because I keep putting it in front of him. If he won't eat what I put in front of him, he can wait until the next meal. I know he'll eat when he's hungry.

[kathylynn]

I would not go to this kind of trouble to get my kids to eat fruits and veggies. I will say that I do remember when my son was 2 he refused to eat anything healthy. I would put chocolate syrup on veggies just to hide them. He was my firstborn so I would do anything to get him to eat right. Trust me with each kid I worried less and less.

[honglien123]

Totally agree. The first time I heard about Mrs. Seinfeld's book on NPR I thought the same thing, "she cooks?" I don't know if I'm lucky or if it's because of what we do in our house but my kids aren't all that picky. Basically from the beginning, like you, we just fed them what we ate and if they didn't eat it, well they'd just go hungry and eat it later. We'd never make them a separate dish just for them because it was "kid friendly" (unless we were eating it too). Thus our issue hasn't really been WHAT our kids will eat but when. :sigh:

[Mama22Boys]

I have the book and enjoy the alternatives to getting my boys to eat vegetables. I've tried a few recipes so far and I don't see the harm with my boys eating their chicken quesadillas with some butternut squash "hidden" inside. But I do also add vegetables as a side dish so that they see vegetables as an important part of their meal.

As a sidenote, in the book and in her TV appearances, Jessica Seinfeld does mention that she always gives vegetables as a side, and not just "hiding" it in their meals.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

My understanding about the book was that it's not a replacement for veggies, but rather, a way to ensure that your kids are getting them.

I give my kids the high protein noodles and the V-8 fusion (no sugar -- full serving of veggies and fruit). She still gets veggies on her plate, which she may or may not eat, and which Jessica still recommends doing.

I think it's fantastic that there are kids out there that will eat whatever you give them because you started them out early on good foods. But while I wouldn't consider my daughter to be picky, she doesn't eat most raw veggies. And she hates tomatoes.

But she'll eat them in soups and casseroles. I might not puree them, but honestly, how is that any different?

And it's not because I haven't tried whole heartedly from the beginning to give them to her. Some kids have sensory issues with food. And some kids just don't like it, no matter how hard you try.

Honestly, I'm tired and slightly offended when parents brag about how their kids eat everything and anything -- implying that the parents out there with "picky" eaters haven't tried everything. My kid doesn't eat olives -- feel free to have been at my house in the early days when she threw everything she didn't like back at me.

We all ate zucchini bread -- tastes like banana bread -- and it never caused us psychological damage. I'm not for lying to my kids, so if my 3-year-old asks if there's cauliflower in her macaroni and cheese then I'd certainly tell her.

But are we all about full disclosure with everything with our kids? My daughter asks where babies come from, do I give her just the information that she needs to know (not lying, but not what I'd tell a 14 year old).

If it's a way for me to get more veggies into her little system, then so be it. But I'll still feed them to her on her plate as well.

And in my opinion, there are worse ways that people lie to their kids -- like telling them that the playground is closed or that the toy store is closed because they don't want to stop or deal with the tantrums.

To me, this is totally different than trying to make sure your kids have good nutrition.

[KimMae]

I'm surprised that almost every poster agrees ... I agree and love the post (as usual, Citymama) but I also *disagree* based on experience. My oldest ate pureed lentils and tofu and egg yolk - anything - even now at 5yo he'll eat pretty much anything after some encouragement.

Then .... (ominious music plays) ... my daughter: After a year of occupational therapy she will touch yogurt. Raised in the same environment as her brother she is a normal, healthy child with some minor sensory issues with what goes in her mouth. She no longer cries when feathers are going to touch her but at 2yo she eats about 20 things including chocolate and potato chips. Before her I thought like many posters that since we eat a healthy varied diet that of course our children will eat well - no nuggets or hot dogs for the children while we had a a delicious meal. Well ... experience sometimes is a great equalizer.

Just saying ... keep an open mind. I'd do just about anything to get a balanced diet into my children including still breastfeeding the 2yo though I'm not personally into extended breastfeeding at least she's getting the nutrients she needs.

[Trish]

My nephew wouldn't eat anything except instant noodles and PB&J sandwiches from the age of about 5 to 8. Today, he's 6ft4 and does a lot of the cooking at home (he's 16) and will eat anything.

I think we do what we have to do at the time just to get through the day. I'm not about to bake broccoli into brownies or whatever it is, but I'll never share my recipe for Surprise Pie either.

Perhaps if I hadn't seen my nephew grow into the young man he is, I would be more nervous about my 7yo who has peculiar tastes.

[Mom101]

Just another respectful voice of dissent - when I reviewed the book for Cool Mom Picks I mentioned that it wasn't a new concept but it was a good one. When my brother was a skinny little string bean of a kid, my mom sneaked eggs into milkshakes for him or tried to get veggies into burgers. There was even a product called "I Hate Peas" about a million years ago to get veggies into french fries--but it failed because the fries were green. Ew.

This is something parents have been doing for years, only now it's packaged in a pretty pink package with a semi-celeb attached to it and suddenly people are crying foul.

I think the name is provocative, but if you read the book, deception certainly isn't the whole story and the recipes aren't intended to be your child's complete food repertoire.

Also, consider yourself VERY lucky to have a kid who eats. My gourmet foodie of a sigOht is crazy that T won't eat much besides pasta. And not for lack of trying. Or for lack of fresh herbs, gourmet sea salts or olive oil either.

[ann adams]

I've never cooked two meals.

Maybe I've just been lucky with unfussy kids. They're allowed a few dislikes but other than that, I tell them I don't run a cafeteria.

Oh the other hand, I do "smuggle" grated carrots into meatloaf even though they'll eat almost any veggie.

When they were younger, we did the kids' meals at the fast food places about once a month just because they were fun. It stopped when they became more interested in what was on my place then their own.

I guess for me it's always been about moderation.