Bubble world

Went up to San Francisco with the girls earlier this week to have lunch with my sister. The girls scampered into the car with their sundresses and sandals on and as I climbed into the front seat, something triggered deep down in my brain and I ran back into the house for heavy jackets and yoga pants they could slide on under their dresses.

How quickly we forget.

We were having lunch near 9th & Irving close to where we used to live in Cole Valley. "There's Tata's old house!" I pointed out.  "There's where Mamma and Papa used to live before we had kids!" I indicated, but who could see through the fog, which was rolling over Cole Valley thick as pea soup.

We arrived at the restaurant where I snagged a spot in front. There was a time that I'd rather walk 15 blocks from a non-metered spot than to have to pay 25 cents for 7 minutes. "Screw that," I thought, pulled into the metered spot then realized I had no quarters. I've gone soft. The days when I used to go the bank to get two rolls of quarters (for laundry and parking) are long gone. Luckily my sister had a bunch of quarters.

Then it happened.

As soon as I saw my first hipster in a thrifted Super Tramp t-shirt layered over a striped shirt wearing over-sized vintage sunglasses, skinny jeans and a "can't be bothered" look, I knew I was way over city living. I like my bubble where I can wear my standard mom-uniform of a long-sleeved Target t-shirt, jeans and covered Crocs (the ones everyone hates) and not feel judged. I love dressing up, I just don't want to have to do it every day. I like that all the moms at my kids' school wear some version of my mom uniform. Emo kids would probably burst into flames from the sheer horror of it if they had to stand outside my daughter's kindergarten classroom. All those microfibers and plastic shoes. And oh god, Ugg boots! "New clothes!" I like my bubble.

Let's just get it out there: don't like thrift stores. They stink, and I don't want to touch other people's unwashed clothes. When I, with my mad sale-scouting and bargain-hunting skillz, can find something brand new that has never been worn before for thrift store prices, I don't see the point. My idea of a bargain is a $30 ring for $3.99. Or $300 shoes for $40. Or Target t-shirts. All my best "vintage" stuff (Hermes scarves, fur stoles, beaded purses, real jewelry that looks fake) I got from my grandmother or my mother. They were shoppers. Nuff said. I like my bubble.

I contemplated taking the girls to the new playground in Golden Gate Park this week, cuz it's spring break, but after 2 hours in the fog zone yesterday I said, "Eff that." Instead we spent 5 hours at the park in my town yesterday. Friends rolled in and out. We packed a picnic. Took advantage of the surrounding attractions, and biked home in time to have baths and start dinner. And all the while, I looked up at the beautiful oak trees, and thought, " I don't want to be wearing three coats just to enjoy the outdoors. I like my bubble." Recently a family from Massachusetts moved in down the street and they are outside all. the. time. She nurses the baby while her kid rides around the driveway on his trike. They sit outside chatting and playing until the sun is completely down. I think they like the bubble, too.

Does it feel a little Truman show-ish at times? A little.  But for all the neighbors who are friendly and have kids that my kids play with outside for hours on end, there are neighbors who have never been friendly and who we don't know. Could I stay within the limits of my bubble, have everything I need, and never leave? I suppose. Today the girls and I are going to bike over to the museum in our community and have lunch—it's a treasure so I can't say we lack culture in a broad sense. We have theater here. And music and art. (And lots of thrift stores.) There are people here who are passionate about causes and are working to effect change. There are libraries in every community. Plenty of parks. Too much stuff for kids to do. Just no food scene at all, which is okay since we are kinda past that phase in our lives, and I like to cook at home.

But it is expensive to live here, and so I choose to shop for lots of things like food and clothes outside the bubble where I can find it cheaper. There's nothing like a city for food deals and shopping bargains.

But could I live in a city again? I think about it all the time. Last year, during BlogHer, I marveled at Chicago's beauty and found myself missing living in a city. Chicago in particular had all the right combinations for me: infectious energy, interesting architecture, proximity to water, walkable blocks, lively pockets of buzz and activity, and really, really nice people. The mid-western thing. If only it didn't snow there, I would be begging my family to move.

Despite all the things that piss me off about it, I do like living so close to San Francisco and for those coming the BlogHer 08, I hope our city turns on her charm for you. (Just keep in mind that the venue is like NY's Times Square only smaller. Get away from Union Square to see the real city.) We called San Francisco home for so many years. Left and moved back twice. It definitely has an allure for me. Always will.  But could I move back?

As we drove home from San Francisco down 280 (aka "The World's Most Beautiful Freeway") and the fog melted away to reveal rolling velvet hills and a blindingly blue cloudless skies I found my answer.

Who else likes their bubble? Former city-dwellers come clean!

Comments

[dgm]

I love my bubble! I was such a city girl, in particular an SF girl like you, and I lived in Chicago for three years as well. But now, with kids, I love my little beach town with easy access to LA and San Diego when we want city life. The beach never gets old, always entertains the kids (and it's free!), and the weather is as close to perfect as one will ever find. We're an outdoor family, very physically active, and our town lends itself to outdoor activities.

For a long time when I'd go back to SF to see my parents, I'd think, "No way could I ever live in the city again, especially with kids." But last time we went (November), I got a little touch of yearning for those days my hubby and I would walk to Peets (even before Starbucks) and read the Sunday paper for hours, then I'd pop into boutiques and shoe stores and thrift stores (I know!) in search of unique clothing. Everyone here in the OC seems to wear the same basic outfits, and that's not so much my thing. I love San Francisco street fashion. Still, I'm happy to stay in my little surf town for the rest of my days.

[foodmomiac]

OK, chiming in from Chicago over here. :-)
I would LOVE better weather (especially with the 30 degree weather we have today), and will one day, I'm sure of it, move to Cali.

BUT, I love my city living. That said, it seems so very different from San Francisco!

I have a house with a basement playroom and a backyard. I even have a two-car garage. We can walk to everything (haircut, doctor, favorite boutiques, pizza, dentist, great park, greasy burritos, etc.). Babysitters don't need to have a car or be picked up by me (phew!). I can drink while out at dinner and take a cab home with no problem. And my neighborhood is so neighborhoody! We always see people we know when we're out and about, and I love that. We are also lucky to have a great neighborhood school, though many neighborhoods in Chicago can't say the same. I just love this topic - can I steal it for a post on Chicago Moms Blog? (not your words, just my comments)

[erin]

It's still COLD here in Boston. I'm so jealous of your fabulous park day- If I'd just moved to your bubble I'd be outside all the time too!

[Kayris]

We're still in the city and therw are certain aspects of it that I am so over. Like having to pick up random dog crap from my sidewalk, even though we do not own a dog. And our neighborhood, while very child friendly, boasts a lot of bars and trendy stores, and is also home to young professionals and college students who have loud parties and leave their beer bottles on the park bench outside my house. Sometimes I'm tempted to run screaming down the street, "I don't care how much fun you're having, my baby is napping, so please shut up!"

And the parking sucks. What I wouldn't give for a driveway and a garage.

Even so, we love being close to those bars when we get the chance to go out without the kids or heaven forbid take them with us) and I could go weeks without driving anywhere, because everything is within walking distance. And you can't beat the culture.

[Croft]

Just can't leave SF Stefania - though I can understand why you may like your bubble! We looked into the peninsula but just can not say goodbye to walking to the playground, the coffee shop, the local small grocer etc... I have lived in the burbs and still can not consider leaving SF for them, even on those days when I am sitting in the car with 2 kids waiting for a spot at Trader Joes, or when the fog rolls in. And it is not like we can really get more for less down there - the cost of living is still outrageous. As for hipster moms, not really any in my neighborhood - we are off Lake street in the mid-Richmond. I may not wear crocs (much prefer my worn in sketchers or my flip flops) but see plenty of them at the playground.

[Mary]

As a mom from Washington State I am soooooo jealous. Since you used to live here you know we still have about 2 or 3 months before we can even think about playing outside without a jacket. (or rain most of the time) While I love the mild summers I am so homesick for the warmth of my childhood in Florida !

[Lori]

I left downtown Chicago just over three years ago when I was pregnant with my first son. We now live in the Detroit suburbs in a neighborhood that I love. We have wonderful neighbors (in our high rise in Chicago I lived for seven years and never really met the people that lived on the same floor as me). We have a small community that, while lacking in restaurants other than fast food and a few chains, has much to offer in charm and good old Midwestern friendliness.

I do miss having world class restaurants a stone throw away and being able to walk everywhere or take a cab after a few drinks. But trade it in for my suburban mom's life - never. It wasn't an environment where I wanted to raise my children - although many do it successfully- I wanted a big backyard with neighbors, swing sets and the neighborhood feel we have found here. And I can visit downtown Detroit or friends in Chicago anytime.

[Stefania/CityMama]

Yay! Bubble-lovers Anonymous Unite!

Kayris and Croft, I live in a walkable, bikeable college town. I can still stumble to coffee and walk to the grocery store, farmer's market , the bank, to get my hair cut...there is a park exactly 2 blocks from my house...otherwise I could never live here. Maybe my burbs are different than traditional burbs. We are lucky to have several shopping districts in my town a big downtown and a couple of smaller shopping pockets. We live near one of the smaller ones.

[T in DC]

I have to admit, I have been lurking for a good long while, but feel compelled to comment. My other half, De in DC, turned me on to this (among other) wonderful blog. I have been serenely living in my bubble for more than 25 years now, and am raising my 7yr old in the house I grew up in; he even goes to my old elementary school. My father lives in downtown DC now; my mother in a condo in a less bubble-like area of the suburbs. I find that living in a home that has grass (!) and trees, less than a minute to a local park with real wildlife is something that you could not pay me to move away from. I have tried a less soccer-dad lifestyle, but cannot stomach the though of living in such close proximity to others that I have to bang on the walls to quiet the neighbors down when I need to sleep at 9pm (yes, I wake up sometime between 4 and 5 to get to the gym and work).

Much as I envy the food and entertainment choices of my parents, as the father of a second grader in a competitive school system, I find that I don't have the time, or more importantly, the energy to go out and party. By the time I have the boy in bed, my own sleeping location is beaconing fondly for my body.

I travel a good deal, and have experienced the life of a city dweller, but always look forward to coming back to the bubble that I call home.

[MG]

It's funny how things change. A couple of years ago the 'burbs would have struck fear in my heart. But now that I'm here, that we are here, it's become familiar.
True, it does not have some of the conveniences of downtown living. But my kids can ride their bikes without worrying about traffic. We can sit on the front steps and chat with neighbours. We can garden, or sit in the yard or ride our bikes to the pool.
A few months ago we felt nostalgic for the old lifestyle. We went back to the old neighbourhood, ate our favourite Indian restaurant and wandered to streets of Kensington Market. It was nice but different. I didn't fit in anymore.
And when we got back to the 'burbs, and we pulled into our driveway on our quiet street, I realized what had happened.
This is where we belong now.
It's a nice feeling.

[Mom On The Run]

Oh what I wouldn't give to be living in San Fran right now - It's supposed to snow here tonight AGAIN! My lawn has been covered with a foot or more of snow constantly since November - LITERALLY!

[Meredith]

We're in the midst of trying to make the decision! Right now we're about to sell our tiny inner-city house. Unfortunately we don't live in a trendy inner city neighbourhood, but more of a crack-ho-ghetto one. While we want to stay close to work in the city, we're getting tired of urban decay. I have to admit, those suburbs that I have always loathed are starting to look pretty good...green space, quiet, big houses and probably no hookers. We'll see where we end up, but I know the bubble is calling my name!

[elisa]

my bubble...well, let's start with oregon. i used to live there. i lived there for 3 wonderful years. it was great. the people were wonderful and the food was excellent. you had the city life and you had the outdoors just an hour away; sometimes closer. the weather was fantastic! not too hot. not too cold. no humidity. no mosquitoes. i loved portland. then my grown up side caught up to me. i was from the midwest. i wanted to get married and i wanted kids. i wanted to be home for both of those events so i could be close to family. his family and mine. so i had a choice to make. stay there and prolong the two things i wanted the most, or get going on those things and pack my bags and move back to my roots. i chose to move back. we got married within two years and had a baby a year later. there are so many things i love about being back home. i love being close to family, i love having a house, a yard, and soon, a garden. i love the low crime rate and the good schools. i miss the restaurants in oregon. i miss the weather and the sites. i miss the people - such diversity! moving back home was career suicide for me. i used to be a cook. i loved everything about the industry. i still do. but there is nothing here for me. so i long and miss those days. i miss coffee and pastries and thai food! seafood!..there is nothing like it here. so i loved my bubble in oregon. but i love my baby girl's bubble here. i know she gets so much love from friends and family. she gets to experience them and they will influence her in ways that i would not be able to in oregon. so for right now, it's all about her and maybe her siblings to come. someday, i hope to move back to the coast. but that'll be a very long time from now. i can't wait! ;) so all you coast gals, drink some good coffee for me. eat some spectular seafood for me. enjoy the beauty of nature out there for me. someday, i'll be out there again. :)

[Kate]

I loved living in DC, but I don't wish I was raising my family there. I tell myself that my husband and I will move back once the kids are grown...I even Google my old apartment complex every now and then to see if it is going condo...

[Angie in Texas]

i live in the burbs . . . and though i may complain about it sometimes, i love my bubble for what it affords my children. we're in san antonio, all of my family (immediate) - the aunts, uncles, cousins and my parents - are all within a 20 minute drive; the school they go to is a great, highly ranked public school, the cost of living is superb and if we want to go to a great place to eat i can find one within a 15 minute drive. (because it's texas, there's a lot of driving.)

that said, i am considering moving to a different part of town - a place where i can walk to get the kids' hair cuts, the grocery store and little shops - it's just that for the $$$ (for the same priced house, i would lose half of my square footage!) for now i think i'll stay here in my "soul-less, cookie cutter neighborhood".

[ann adams]

I swore I'd never leave the most beautiful city on earth (and you're right about 280 btw).

Now when I go back, I feel a pang of longing as we come across the bridge. It doesn't take long to get over it and remember why I left in the first place.

There are many things I still miss but not enough to move back.

[Chris]

i am not sure - do i live in a bubble? we have a house with a yard and driveway, but are surrounded by condos (i just love it when they watch us play in the backyard), can walk to grocery, civic theater, library, park, etc., almost to the zoo (the canyons are a bit steep), and i constantly hit the 5 neighboring thrift stores (not so much for clothes, but you can find lots of neat toys, cloth for crafting, dishes and books), but we still have to drive to preschool, must have 2 cars to survive, etc. and i didn't know there was a uniform for city versus burbs. maybe it is because southern california is it's own little/big bubble - flip-flops are standard no matter which part of town you live in!

[Nousha]

I live in SF but never realize how gorgeous this city is. very lovely post. Thanks for sharing!