I was 99% done talking about it, and this brings me to 100%.

Erin Kotecki Vest has another great post up about the business of mommyblogging which leads with this 'graph:

I’m getting myself very out of sorts lately following all the J&J, Disney drama. It has nothing to do with who got invited, who got snubbed, who got an email, who got a pitch, who is going, who is staying silent.

Nothing.

Thank you, Erin.  I have been a teense perturbed by how this issue has morphed into people crying into their coffee about not being invited to (or not being able to attend) Camp Baby. I know people are hurt but I am not one of them. My feelings are fine. The take-away from my experience, why I wanted to share it, was to point out that they treated potential business partners in a completely unprofessional manner. You don't treat people you want to build a relationship with, whether it be a friend or a business associate, the way they treated many bloggers.

I'll even go out on a limb and say that while I think it's stupid of them to plan the event during the week, and to not allow breastfeeding infants, I think it's the mostest stupidest of the people working on the event that they didn't follow the same game plan. There was so much confusion. So much misinformation. At least they should have had a coherent policy on why bloggers could/could not attend. All of this goes back to relationship-building. Were they successful?

To recap:

• I felt pressured into attending Camp Baby. (3 invites from 3 different people.)
• I felt pressured to RSVP. (Hurry, space is filling up.)
• I RSVP'd that I would attend after juggling childcare/work arrangements.
• Note: no travel arrangements were required for me other than getting me from J&J in New Jersey to Manhattan so I could attend BlogHer Biz.
• I was disinvited because I would have to leave early to attend BlogHer Biz. I was told I needed to be at the event the whole time.
• Since then I've been contacted by bloggers who were told that "it's okay" if they can only attend part of the time and they are attending under those conditions
• I've also been contacted by bloggers saying that they were enticed into attending with first class tickets (which were not offered to everyone).

Who they wanted to invite is their business. How they wanted to do it is their business, too, but their plan should have been iron-clad. If you weren't invited and are hurt, it doesn't feel good and I'm sorry. Let it go—more opportunities will surely come along. It's the way the Mommyblogger world works at the moment.

Erin lists all the reasons why people start blogs, especially mom blogs, and I have to say my reasons were slightly different—and two-fold. Yes, I wanted to connect with people and share my experiences which at the time were about parenting in a urban (city) environment, something I wasn't reading too much about back in the day.

But the second part of why I started a blog (and this is something I've talked about a lot) is as a marketing project (or "experiment" would probably be more accurate.) My background is in marketing and when I started CityMama, I deliberately chose the name and topic, and knew full well that what I was marketing was myself. At the time, there were no ads on blogs or anything like that. That buzz was just starting. In the back of my head, I thought, "I wonder if this is something that will allow me to stay at home with my kid(s)." I imagined raking in money hand over fist all because of my "little engine that could."

Well.

As luck would have it I would make a living from blogging in other ways, but the point is this. Because of my knowledge and my background, and because I've managed to carve out a little place in the blogosphere for my blog projects, I'm protective of them. It started as a little "brand" for me and was always meant to be a sort of business, which is why I don't mind accepting ads on my blogs. Just ads. I don't want to plaster my blogs with paid links. I am worth more than getting paid per post. I love writing my blogs, I don't want to turn every word into a potential 10 cents. And yes, I like getting invited to stuff as much as the next person. If I can I will go, but never do I think I need to blog the experience in exchange—and most often I don't. I am there to note the business relationship. Always.

In terms of PR, companies need to learn that their rewards from bloggers come in other—and I think more important—ways. When the experience is pleasant, I remember the product or service and I tell my friends. When I work with excellent PR folks, I remember them, too. So when firms approach me about who is doing it right I am happy to say, "Well, you might want to talk to Laura Tomasetti or Susan Getgood or David Wescott or Paull Young." Or, "I had a great experience with Graco."  Or, "Well I think Edelman totally gets it because of hardworking individual contributors like Danielle Wiley." That counts for a lot more than blogging a free sample of dishwashing liquid or a wine and cheese party, doesn't it?

Comments

[Paull Young]

Stefania,

I've stayed out of this debate because I'd be speaking from a conflict of interest through my work in this space for Converseon alongside Graco and other clients.

Rest assured I've read everything that you, Erin (QueenofSpain) and others have been writing - as well as passing it around internally at my agency and to my clients.

This is yet further evidence that the key to success in this space is relationships. And relationships are built over time, with shared control, on a foundation of trust (just like in the real world with your friends and loved ones).

It's an honor to be mentioned alongside the likes of Susan Getgood and Danielle Wiley. My Converseon team and great clients like Graco spend a great deal of time trying to do this right, with respect for the community at the core of approach (what my CEO Rob Key calls 'karmic communication' from time to time'), it's great to be validated :).

There is a passionate community of marketers out there who are constantly agitating for best practices. It's a community that I'm proud to be a part of as we try to educate our industry (and believe me, many are listening).

Really looking forward to seeing you at BlogHer Business at the end of the week!

[David Wescott]

Hi Stefania - this issue just won't go away, will it? I'm very flattered that you'd put me on that list of flacks who get it.

Honestly I think before the PR profession can grasp the concepts of "mom blog as a brand" or "mom as a business partner" it needs to back up a few steps to remember some very basic common-sense third-grade stuff.

Like, for example, bloggers tend to talk with one another. You know when we're sending out generic emails to everyone and you know when we're sending some of you first-class goodies while others get second-class stuff. "Social media" is, by DEFINITION, people talking with other people. How could they not know you would check in with each other?

Most of us still don't get that you're a community. I think we have to get that first. Then we can get to the slightly-higher-order of thinking you're alluding to with the notion of value for personal brands.

Maybe you should treat us like kids - we need structure and rules and limits. ;)

[Susan Getgood]

Thanks Stefania. I'm honored to be on your list of the PR/marketing folks who gets it.

See you at BlogHer Biz. My hair is too short to braid anyway :-)

[Susan Getgood]

Who get it. Jeez. Got WAY too many bad pitches today, I can't write grammatical English.

[MetroDad]

As always, my Seoul sister, I agree with eveything you're saying here. However, at the end of the day, it's just blogging, right? We all do what we want with our own blogs.

To think that this has morphed into an issue so volatile and personal where people are crying into their coffee because they weren't invited to a PR event? To them, I say "Really? are you kidding me?"

Because there's a lot more important shit than this going on around the world.

[mothergoosemouse]

Your last paragraph resonates especially with me. Not only do I have the utmost respect for David and Susan, I continue to sing the praises of GM and their blogger outreach program - long LONG after I've worked with them, and I would gladly work with them again.

Now THAT'S good PR.

[mothergoosemouse]

Oh, and Danielle too, and the folks at Edelman she introduced us to, who are now working with us at Parent Bloggers Network.

[Kim/hormone-colored days]

I echo the comment about GM. Christopher Barger and his team are doing a great job. I've been to a couple of GM events and I'm really impressed by their outreach.

I am going to Camp Baby* and am looking forward to it (except for the braiding part- I only have short-haired boys). I've had some personal communication with Lori and I'm sure she and her team are earnest about learning from this experience as they move ahead. I'm excited to see how it goes.

*In the name of transparency...I write for the MOMformation Blog at BabyCenter, which is owned by Johnson and Johnson. I've never been asked to write about or plug J&J brands or Camp Baby.

[Glennia]

I went to Camp Baby, and it was a terrific experience. Sure, they did some things wrong, but they got a lot of it right. One of the PR people told me that they are used to dealing with magazine editors, who are a highly secretive, highly competitive bunch. They could never get the editors in a room together and have any kind of discussion, and those editors are not reading and commenting on each others' work constantly, twittering all day long, and meeting up for coffee. It's a different paradigm from what they are used to, and they realized that they have a steep learning curve. I also don't think there is one, uniform way to approach bloggers. What works for you might not work for me.

I did bring up the fact that there were very few bloggers of color in the sessions, as did Kim.

[Posh Mama]

Happy to hear this issue is being put to rest. As always, very well stated. Happy to hear you had a great week. Much love, xoxo-pm

[Lindsay Lebresco (Graco)]

Late commenter here but wanted to say thanks for the kind words.

I'm not afraid to admit that we may not have done it "right" if it were not for the guidance that Paull Young and his team at Converseon have given us. I've been following these issues as well and cringing every time I see a corporate relationship go south. We (Graco) have found that partnering with an agency who specializes in social media has been the FIRST thing we did right. And then we took it slow and purposeful with the hope of building relationships first.

Corporations also need to be willing to be led. You (and all of the others who have covered these issues) have clearly been willing to help us (corporations) get it right- we just need to listen.