Alcatraz. It's where the naughty children go to live without their parents.

And it's the ace up my sleeve when my kids are acting like effing hellions. When my kids are acting up, really acting like little...bad kids, I threaten to call Alcatraz to see if they have any rooms available. Bunkbeds? Fine. That's what they sleep on at home.

Whenever we cross the Golden Gate Bridge, I give a nod to Alcatraz. The girls snap to attention immediately even if they aren't doing anything wrong.

Why is it that, on a day like today, they don't respond to warnings or reasoning or yelling or time-outs, but as soon as I mention Alcatraz, all naughtiness stops? Wallie can be wailing on ever-patient Bunny (because she is a hitter), and as soon as I tell Wallie to pack her bags, Bunny is the one saying, "Nooooo! Don't call Alcatraz!" That threat is only for special occasions. Once every couple months. And as you can see, it works, long enough for me to stop the madness and explain what better choices look like anyway.

I used to think that I would be able to redirect or reason away any bad behavior with my children. We'd...talk it out. They would be intrinsically motivated to make appropriate choices at all times because we are thinking, rational people. I'd never raise my voice. After all, I was an educator.

I think all the educational psychologist professors I had never had a Wallie. She has had a strong personality since the day she was born, and that will hopefully serve her well in adulthood, but lately the child has been testing the limits of this family.

Alcatraz! Alcatraz!  What a beautiful, beautiful name! (Sorry, was channeling Babs.)

Henyway. San Francisco Bay Area, I love you for many reasons, but today, it's because of Alcatraz.

Feel free to invoke Alcatraz whenever you need it. Alcatraz is meant for sharing, plus little kids have no idea how far away San Francisco is (if you never tell them).

Comments

[Kayris]

Bah. Redirecting is overrated. Sometimes a good solid threat works better. All I have to do is whisper, "No playground..." and my son shapes up. It hasn't failed yet.

[Kristin]

Going in the crib for my extremely strong-willed two year old...for kids like these, I can't imagine not having some form of D-day...I commend you...

[Diana]

Oh, you are too kind for sharing. I will use alcatraz, I love it! The Pea has been stubborn since the moment of conception. Such a strongwilled little...ummm, stinker, yes that's the exact word that came to mind *first*. I feel your pain.

With The Princess I was going to write a parenting book, with The Pea I was going to read one... and I still might, just as soon as I get her down from the chandelier. She's swinging from it. Again. ;-)

[mothergoosemouse]

Not only will I invoke Alcatraz, I'll show them the movie.

[Akemi/svtwinmom]

Yes! We do the same, especially when in SF or while crossing the GG bridge. My boys are worried they'll get ticketed for whining so the presence of Alcatraz and the bridge toll takers in their police-like uniforms makes for a very whine free crossing!

[High Heeled Mama]

Oh, I love it! Can't wait for it to start working.

[Ashlee - Mama's Nest]

We're still working on the redirecting route with my 2 year old (I haven't lost all faith in my psych training...yet?!) but I'm cracking up because while it wasn't Alcatraz, my parents used the same tactic with my sibs and I and ohhh! did it work every time!

[followthatdog]

We have a time out crib as the last resort. I was laughing at your post when my husband asked what was so funny. He was shocked. Eh, he doesn't spend nearly as much alone time with the kids. If he did, he'd understand

[yourmamma]

Remember 'Officer John'? And you were chastising me for bringing up Officer John on my last visit....it works on Wallie...security guards, police, anybody in uniform gets total respect from Wallie! It worked for the 4 of you, it works for the grandkids!

[Tammy]

We don't have Alcatraz out here on the East coast, but we recently told our daughter that if she ate too much junk food she would turn into the Wicked Witch of the West. It works! The girl used to WHINE all DAY to eat junk and mealtime was such a struggle, now all it takes is a little comment like, "I think your hand is turning green. Quick! Eat some watermelon!" and she gobbles her meals. As I have said to my husband, one more thing she can talk about when she's in therapy as an adult.

[the mama bird diaries]

I'm on it. Alcatraz! First thing in the morning...

[radzilla]

So, I tried this yesterday and about two minutes later, O said, "I don't get it, Mom. I be'd naughty before and I'm not in jail". So, it's back to to withholding dessert for me.

[Mom101]

Love it, stealing it, not crediting you.

[erin]

if only i thought my 2 year old would understand it, i would certainly use it. he is driving_me_crazy!!! tonight, i put the twins in their room to go to bed and tried not to run in there every two seconds. guess that was a mistake, as G had pulled the roller blind, not only down, but off the roller (i.e. broken). i kept hearing him saying, "mommy mad." but didn't know what he was talking about. when I got up there, I knew. Arrgg.

on a nicer note, i actually got all three kids to eat vegetables at dinner. wahoo! what an accomplishment. ;)

[KIm/hormone-colored days]

Ha! I live in Chicago and I've invoked Alcatraz!

[Keri]

Ms P-B, that is hilarious. I was born and raised here in SF, and I can't believe my mom never used that Alcatraz one on me! I will have to file that away for when I have some little ones of my own.

Lovin' the writin', thanks doll!

[Susan Getgood]

Right there with you, except we use reform school :-)

[Jenny, Bloggess]

I just tried this and it totally didn't work. It would probably help if Hailey knew what Alcatraz is though...

PS. This was featured on GoodMom/BadMom so get down with your bad self. http://blogs.chron.com/goodmombadmom/2008/05/blog_round_up.html