Mom subversion

Today I am thinking about the little things I do, moms do, to retain some sense of themselves even though they are responsible for the care and feeding of little ones. It's the little things, like, maybe you have a tattoo that no one knows about (that you got after having kids). Or you refuse to play kids' music in your house. Or you feed your kids granola while you sneak the Cocoa Pebbles...what?

Five years into this parenting thing, you'd think I'd learn that resistance is futile. But the farther in, the more I want to retain some aspects of my no-kid-having life. (This might also be a reason why I am considering going back to therapy.) Some sense of what I used to be like before. Like refusing to be a morning person, staying in pajamas all day, not having a schedule (outside of work), being able to go to Target at 10 o' clock at night just because, eating dinner while standing up at the counter and reading a magazine...All of these things now, when I do them, feel like subversive acts. (I call them subversive because "crazy" is such a, you know, loaded word.)

The funny thing is that we are so highly-regimented when it comes to the kids' schedules (set breakfast, lunch, dinner, bath, and bedtimes; extra-curicular activities several days a week, yadda x 3...) that I yearn to fill the hours in between with little acts of subversion.

For me, these acts might be staying in my pj's until I absolutely have to take a shower and get out the door. (I can be in the shower at 1:15 and still make it to school pick up at 1:30.) Teaching my kids the words to Green Day songs. Or that two boys and two girls can get married and have babies which they then tell to all their friends at school. Wearing my skull ring to pick up the kids at school. Watching the new Madonna ft. Justin Timberlake "4 Minutes" video thr—, okay, five times in a row. Mixing up a screwdriver at 4:45 on a really sucky day.

Filing a tax extension ON April 15. (Ooooh! Livin' on the edge!)

I have learned never to judge a mom book by its cover. We all have our little subversive secrets. That mom? The polo-shirt, khaki-pants-wearing mom whose kids are always at school on time and who volunteers for everything? She just might be the mom you knock back Patron shots with at Mom's Night Out while singing Social D songs at the top of your lungs.

What are your little acts of subversion?

Comments

[Kristin]

Oh, I got 'em. Tattoos. On-going arrest record (for protesting, OK?). The Pixies shaking the windows while I do the dishes (I'm soooo in love with Kim Deal...I swear, I might leave my husband for her...)

But the one I cannot begin to top is the very quiet mother, shy to the point of it being painful, at my son's school who is a kick-ass, chain-metal, silver micro mini wearing mama on an all-woman's roller derby team. I can't top that. She's my idol in life.

[Busy Mom]

Cake batter. Spoon. Mine.

[crunchycarpets]

Tat's - got - after kids

I don't bake...well almost never.

I don't do crafts.

Our kids are total sci fi nerds thanks to us with no sports in their lives.

[lawschoolmom]

Linkin Park blasting in the car on the way to school

NO CRAFTS (I knit but that's my hobby)

Dropping a c-note in the candy store and stashing it all for me

And, perhaps the cruelest of all, Madhubby and I have a pact: No trips to Disney World/Land. Ever.

[Helene]

The Madonna and JT video is a PERFECT example of a mama's subversive act!!! I mean, she's 40...or 50.... and she's getting half naked with 20 something JT and looking hotter than ever!!! Oh, I wish I could dance and have her rockin' body!!!

Great post! I love it!!! And thanks for the video link - I'll probably play it 5 times today!

Helene

[followthatdog]

What perfect timing. I'm getting my first post-kid tattoo on Saturday.

I do crafts, but tend toward patterns that involve skulls and crossbones.

My kids listen to punk. Real punk, and love it.

I don't read parenting books, I hate them.

We have regular cocktail night at the house, and the kids get their own little cocktails (sans alcohol) but now routinely demand cocktails.

I snicker a little when they swear. I correct it, but I do think it is a little funny, especially if they get the right timing and intonation.

[ali]

i don't wear underwear.
does that count? :)

[torchmama]

arson.

[Stefania/CityMama]

cake batter, scifi nerds, no underwear...you are all made of awesome.

Yeah, i need to stop snickering then my 5yo goes, "S-H-I-T, shit shit shit!" At least she understands "you can only do that at home."

[dgm]

I say NO to: soccer; Kumon; MOPS or other mommy clubs; doing my daughter's school projects ("I've already been to elementary school, I don't need to go again."); Juicy velour sweatpants with matching hoodie; large birthday parties before the kid turns 5.

Yes: going to happy hour with my friends; surfing and staying out in the water a little too long so that the kids have to go to after-school care; backpacking with the hubby like we did in the good old days; spending hours talking and laughing on the phone; making breakfast for dinner; keeping our own separate parents' stash of extra dark chocolate.

It's a wild, wild life.

[Belinda]

I read books. I'm starting to think that, around here? That counts.

[Liz Price]

I taught my 2 year old son to say booger and butt (apparently "bottom" is more politically correct). When my 2 month old daughter starts talking I'll teach her the same.

I love to wear my pj's all day and so does my son.

I like having breakfast for dinner.

No tattoos for me. I won't even put a bumper sticker on my car ... too permanent. Oh then there's that whole needle thing.

[Stacey]

I have tats from before & after children.
I put the boys down in front of Red Dwarf videos, when they were babies, while I took a shower, so often I was worried their first word would be 'Smeghead'
I ignore my children in favor of reading books. This often means I have to read while standing at the kitchen counter & pretending I am too busy 'getting dinner ready' to watch them push trains around a track for the umpteenth time today.
I don't do crafts except for tempura paints, outside in the summer. (and can hose them down for ease of cleaning).
I participate in competition pistol & rifle shoots.
I'm a Goddess worshiping witch & here amongst the Baptists you don't get more subversive than that.

[lisa k]

sniff. I can't think of anything remotely subversive that screams ME anymore. I can't believe planning birthday parties are the highlights of my years. Maybe I should check out some therapy...

[mamagingertree]

There was an episode of Sex in the City where they talked about "secret single behavior" being things you can't do when you live with someone like hide mini cupcakes in the back of the pantry and eat them for breakfast. Not that I've ever done that.

I'm just glad I'm not the only one who needs a cocktail at 4:45pm some days. OK, OK, it's usually 4pm-ish.

[Kayris]

I LOVE this thread!

Let's see...I taught my three-year-old to say "Martin O'Malley is a farthead." He is our governor and I hate his guts. And when the kid says it in public, I smile and shake my head and try to put a "where do they learn these things?" look on my face.

I buy shoes more often for myself then I do for the kids.

And instead of kid music, we listen to Weezer, Green Day and the Pogues in the car.

[Lia]

Oh lordy, I could go on and on.

I have tattoos although they are pre kid.

I eat ice cream (Cold Stone) for dinner on Monday nights on my way to therapy.

[christina]

When my kiddo takes a bath (she is over 3) I don't watch her the entire time. I'd say at least half that time is spent in front of the computer going through emails or reading blogs like this one. A big plate of tortilla chips with melted cheese and salsa on the side for was what I've been calling "lunch" the last two days. Children's music is sung a capella at home by all of us, but we don't play children's music on the stereo. In fact, lately I've been indoctrinating Justin TImberlake, Dead Can Dance, and Goldfrapp in the car, and on the computer she regularly asks for Beck videos (the latest being TIme Bomb) to watch with her papa.

[sarah gilbert]

I don't know if it's a "keep my identity" kind of thing, more just selfishness (ha!) but I've been known to buy treats and then eat them *only* when my hungry boys were in bed. definitely take my fair share of the cake spoon too :)

if I have two dollars left in my pocket and want to go to the coffee shop? they're coming with me, and I'm getting coffee, and they're getting nothing, and liking it!

I was also really resistant to kids' music. I've finally been swayed to the dark side. sigh.

[Kim S.]

Sunday morning, on my way to my nephew's 3rd b-day party, my 2.5 year old daughter had a hissy fit in the car because I changed the song on the CD that we were listening to. "I want to listen to 'Here we go yo' Mommy!" she wailed ("Secenario" from Tribe Called Quest). Her current favorite playtime music is Vampire Weekend and the La Boheme soundtrack. I love that my little one prefers to dance in her underwear and leg warmers to Madonna instead of the Wiggles. It makes my heart smile.

The tatoos, rainbow hair colors and body piercings are/were pre-kid, but I still like my little random acts of subversion...

[kimberly/tippytoes]

I curse enough to make a pirate blush. I briefly thought about trying to stop, but then said fuck it. My daughter has used that word and others, but all in legitimate situations and not for shock value. Her school allows swearing, so I didn't correct her.

[Crazy Baby Lady]

My husband gets up with the kids in the morning so i sleep in til 10. He works second shift and takes a nap before work so I don't feel guilty. I'm always in PJs all day long. I read to my 2.5 and 1 year olds out of my magazine (will still read them their books but only if they bring them to me). Both of them are in bed by 7pm (which everyone tells me is too early) so I can be by myself for awhile before my husband gets home from work.

I have to admit that i am quite a selfish person, but I am always there for my kids and they are happy, sweet, smart, and perfect IMO. I love them so much and needing to survive by taking time for me doesn't seem so wrong. I still have guilt for the days that they have fruit and yogurt for dinner though....

[CYL]

Drunk cooking for family, "re-sleeping" (going back to bed to sleep after feeding 5 month old), and eating bowl of potato chips with dark chocolate at 10 p.m.(wait, that's just self-medicating). :-)

[hannah m]

I just adore this post. Truly.
My daughter's under a year old, so there are years ahead where I plan to sneak candy and whatnot.

But I often drink a glass of wine while feeding my daughter her evening meal. And now we're on the verge of margarita weather!Yay!

When the time comes, I will not use cutesy names for bathroom words. Ever. They are farts; It is poop; It is pee. None of this "tinkle" "make dirty" "poot" stuff for me.

[MeL]

I have been reading you for... oh.. forever? But I'm a horrid lurker, and this finally brought me out. :)

I have the tattoo from before kids, but once #3 arrives (September!) I'm already making plans for the next one.

This is also part of why I got my nose pierced last year on a weekend visit to a girlfriend in Vegas. In so many ways, I feel like I've surrendered to motherhood, and I don't regret or resent it... mostly. It's those little acts of subversion, you are so right, that remind me that I'm still me - that I still have a right, nay, a DUTY to be a little immature when I feel like it.

It's also the reason that the only "kid music" in our house or our car is Dave Matthews. My kids have listened to it since they were in the womb, and those are their favorite CD's. We're raising our own little dixie-blues rockers. :)

But my favorite small subversion? Eating sugar cereal for dinner once in a while (after the kids have been fed and put to bed, of course) in front of the television. It feeds my inner ten-year-old.