I don't know yet! I am still reading entries! They are all so cringe-worthy it's hard to choose! I truly feel sorry for all who entered. (Hee!) Keep checking back. I will post winner's name soon!
And we have a winner!!!!!!
First, let me say that I have never laughed so hard while reading blog posts. For every one of you that farted during gym class or went to gym class with no shorts on (see Ellen's comment) or thought they had gotten the better of a Nordic-Track or treadmill or had toilet paper fall out of your previously enhanced cleavage in front of jocks or Sweated to the Oldies, or worse to Barbie or leaked breastmilk all over your step aerobics studio or been whacked in the face with elasticized excercise equipment or crushed a beloved pet while doing yoga, I truly felt your pain and embarrassment...and I laughed.
There were plenty of excellent stories to choose from, but I was really going for really embarrassing. Not just "thank-god-that-never-happened-to-me embarrassing," but reallyreallyreally cringe-worthy. The kind of embarrassing situation that you could imagine yourself being in. The kind of embarrassing situation that sticks with you AS IF you could imagine yourself doing it because you came close to being there yourself.
As I was reading posts, I asked myself: could I feel you turning beet red? Could the bottom drop out of my stomach in abject horror along with yours? Could I experience your shame as if I were there? As if it were me? That's the kind of burn I was looking for, and lo, I believe we have found it.
But first, the runners up. They all get some sorta prize because you don't cross lines like these without getting SOMETHING in return. Not sure what that is yet, but I will make it good.:
For the third runner up, we have a woman who puts the BARE ASS in embarrassed.
For the second runners up (tie), male readers may want to look away. Female readers, you may want to re-evaluate your sanitary supplies.
Should our winner not be able to fulfill her Wii Fit duties, Kat will gladly take over. After you read her going hiking on a first date story from hell, please give her your love... and all your wine and chocolates.
And now, the moment we've all been waiting for...
Cue flowers and music...
Congratulations, Lorraine (who doesn't have a blog but should) on her story of athletic mortification! I picked Lorraine because I was with her story every step (heh) of the way. I could have been her and something about her ordeal spoke to me in that place where we tuck our unrequited tales of junior high love plus our hatred of P.E. I almost didn't graduate from high school because I cut so many PE classes (hi MOM!) I spent a couple of afternoons in the spring of my senior year running laps around the track to make up for it. Plus, I was the lame senior that had to take a semester of PE, but I actually was delighted since by then my high school offered aerobics (hello, 1987!) as a PE choice and hired a real instructor in all her hi-top Reebok scrunchie sock glory who played lots of Teena Marie and Dead or Alive.
So because Lorraine's story appealed to my inner-17-year-old, she wins. Best to you, Lorraine!...and screw you "Mark Barnes!"