CityMama WTF of the week

Oh Melissa Gira Grant, aren't you cute with your "let's take a big huge dump on mommybloggers" while backhandedly praising a non-mommy blogger for her internet success. I was one of her Twitter followers who watched and waited with growing anticipation for "@savvyauntie's" site to launch. Melanie Notkin is, without a doubt, one of the kindest, smartest, savviest, kick-ass-est people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. (Yes, in person, finally, at BlogHer.) As a woman and mother with two sisters and a best friend who is the best auntie anyone could ask for, I give Melanie lots of credit for creating a welcoming, informative, and beautiful site where women without kids but who love kids can feel at home.

You and your single, childless friends must snicker into your avocado-tamarind mojito-rita-tinis about those poor, sad, exploitative mommy bloggers making cheddar off the backs of their children. OMG, how could they?! Writing about poop and leaky boobies and spit-up! Gross! What sell-outs.

Or wait, would that be me presuming something about you and your life that isn't true?

Women who blog, especially mothers who blog, are constantly subjected to condescention and cynicism surrounding our successes. (Not just from MSM, sometimes it's from other bloggers or even our friends.) We are made to second-guess our choices. We are forced to question our voices or intent. We hold back our truth because we are women. We are made to feel shame for earning money from our blogs whether it's $5 a month or $5,000. Somehow, because we are mothers—tech savvy mothers at that—we're not as legitimate.

We gather together at places like BlogHer so that we can have our successes acknowledged by other women who know the bullshit we constantly face. We can share our truths, let out our frustrations among people who understand, we can support each other and offer advice. In that regard, a conference just for women who blog is a beautiful thing.

Melissa, I can't suddenly sprout a penis so I guess I'll just have to put up with the disrespect.  But I'm kinda tired of it. Especially when it's other women writing the mean-spirited shit.

Sometimes, it's okay to just say, "Congratulations on your success."

Comments

[Erin Kotecki Vestaka Queen of Spain]

#suckit ValleyWag

[followthatdog]

Well said.

[Donna]

I love it when you get ranty, especially over this kind of nonsense. Erin ever so eloquently summed up my feelings.

[AmyInOhio]

This is why I have fantasies about us running away together. You are amazing.

[fweetieb]

Loved this.

[Kimberly/Mom in the City]

Yes, that article was really condescending. Anyway, the truth is that most of us mommy bloggers are far from "getting rich" off what we do!

[deb]

The ones without kids who feel the need to break the ones *with* kids' kneecaps don't get that we're much more powerful as a group (that is, all women respecting one another, regardless of uterine-application status) than divvied up. Then again, if we're united, their odds of becoming top bitch decrease sharply.

Maybe that's what has Melissa so upset? She sees us getting past our divisions? Her window to succeed as a divider is closing?

Melissa. Join us in the land of women who respect other women for their choices, regardless. It's irresistible. While there's not necessarily power for JUST YOU, there's certainly power in the group. A great, big, enormous bunch of it.

C'mon. There's a cuddle waiting here with your name on it. So many cuddle sluts. So little time. Get your ass over and cuddle!

[Midwest reader]

i would love to be a mommy blogger. keep up the fantastic work!

[Writer Dad]

Very well articulated, and I couldn't agree more. Thanks for posting twice; now I'm going to have to have that spaghett for dinner for sure.

[Emily]

Amen!

[colleen]

Ignore the haters. You gals with kids get short shrift whatever you do--work outside of the home or not, public school or private school or home school, ad infinitum.

Keep writing interesting stuff; Melissa Whatever Whatever can suck it.

[jen]

suck it, indeed. the continual need for women to tear apart rather than come together is exactly the sort of shit that keeps us fighting wars that should have been long over by now.

[Amelia Sprout]

I still don't understand why some women do not get that our greatest enemy is not the men of the world that my feminist mother told me it was, it is ourselves. We need to stand up for each other and all of our choices, even if they aren't always the same.

You kick ass.

[LizP]

Single women vs. Married women
Women w/kids vs. Women w/o kids
SAHM vs. WAHM vs. Work outside the home moms
breastmilk vs. formula
creamy pb vs. chunky pb
milk chocolate vs. dark chocolate

Will it never end? Why does there have to be a "right"?

Props to the women out there who make a little (or a lot) of $$$ from their blog. Someone has to!

Congratulations to everyone!

[Jeremy Pepper]

Well, there are a few guy BlogHer attendees that go for the same reason.

Nice post, nicely written.

[cat/bad kitty]

Christ on a SHINGLE what is MGG's problem? I usually reserve that kind of venom for (that whore) Heather Mills.

Melanie is smart, engaging and addressing a hugely unserved market with deep pockets -- women between 40-44 w/out children doubled, from 10% to 20% in the past 30 years (from jezebel today) and the trend is up. Most of them have a ton of loose cash, and few places to congregate online. The advertisers will find us, one way or another. I think it's far better to see someone "on the inside" drive that experience than some asshole dude SVP of Marketing (and believe me, I've worked with PLENTY OF THEM) who thinks it's all Cat Ladies and the Teary Barren.

I bet MGG thought of doing something like SavvyAuntie and never got around to it. Now she's wailing and gnashing her teeth that Melanie is doing it so well.

Sour grapes.

[Stefania/CityMama]

This is what a community of supportive women (and men) looks like, Melissa.

[laurie]

Again, well-said.

It's such a shame that people have to be so nasty. No matter what their opinion is, it just ends up sounding so much worse when it's stated like that.

I'm so tired of anger and animosity online, related to conferences and cliques, who's got kids and who has pets, who has money and who doesn't (like that's anyone's business anyway!)

People can gather anywhere and do anything they want online, and I'm not sure why it's of such concern to haters and critics (who just seem to come out of nowhere) because it's of little concern to me. As a woman without kids I don't feel the need to specifically interact with others who do not have them (my friends online and off are a mix of moms and non-moms and dads and I really like it that way) but I think Melanie had a very cool idea and ran with it. And if people want to pay her for it, cool.

So much of this stuff is overthought and analyzed, and as many of you have pointed out, it's at the expense of women in particular - all women. I wish the same attention was paid to the bottom lines and ad revenues of, oh, say, the big oil or entertainment companies and we talked about the disparities there between them and most "normal" people. Then there'd really be something to raise an eyebrow at, I'm sure.

Write what you want, make whatever you can if that's your thing, and hang out wherever you want to. You're bound to be happier than people who have to make sweeping generalizations and criticize others in blog posts for no good reason!

[katelin]

very well said. it's too bad that someone can't be successful without being criticized for it.

[GeekMommy]

Wow. That's just brilliant.
Thank you for putting it so damned concisely!!

**APPLAUSE!!**