I can do what I do because my kids are my kids

I watched Michelle Obama discussing the Women and Families Blue Print (I swear this isn't a political post), and as she talked about how much women have to juggle in their daily lives, I was struck by one thought:

My girls are damn good kids.

She talked about how—even if moms work—the bulk of child-rearing duties fall on them. I work. I work from home but I work. And yet I must carve out time in my day to cook, clean, do laundry, organize school papers, run the carpool, kiss booboos, arrange the playdates, grocery shop, administer medicine and on and on.

I am the one that has to clear space in my cluttered brain to remember what needs to be brought to camp, the school form the doctor needs to sign, the times and locations of various pick-ups and drop-offs, to buy and wrap the birthday presents, and on and on.

Over the years, I have learned to become more disciplined about my work life. Those of you that work from home know how hard it is to do especially when your office is also the playroom or you don't have regular childcare.

There were times when we did have regular childcare and I sent my kids off on adventures with one sitter or another. They saw spectacular things— the insides of museums and aquariums and conservatories and zoos and concert halls that I never saw because I was working.

Then I felt guilty.

So then there were times when I gave up the childcare and the work in order to have adventures of my own with my children. And we saw the insides of museums and aquariums and conservatories and zoos and concert halls together.

And then I missed working.

When I stopped working right before having Bunny, I told myself that when I did go back to work, it would be on my own terms. I would do what I loved and I would work from home so I could be with my girls. Always.

For awhile I couldn't find the balance, so I stopped trying. Now I know how to do what I do and it's easier. But through it all, the one thing I forgot to acknowledge was that I could only do what I do—be a work-from-home-mother—because my children are so terrific. 

But how did they get that way?

I know I don't talk about them here much anymore. I share glimpses of our lives, snippets of our adventures together, but I just don't feel like sharing as much. Suffice it say, my interests have changed and they are older.

But I feel the need to get this on paper, as it were. So they know. So it's out there, that I know they have sacrificed. We all have sacrificed so that everyone's needs in this family are met.

Back to their terrific-ness.

My girls are independent, but not too much. Outgoing, but sometimes shy. Respectful, but appropriately so. They are social and quick to laugh and hug. They like to play with others, but are fine playing on their own if they don't feel like joining a game. They are quick to make "best friends." They play with each other, and I mean really play, and conflicts are rare. I'm porbably going to jinx it, but it's the truth.

I am so lucky to have such girls. Everyday more and more I am proud to be their mother.

Then it dawned on me that they are so special, in part, because of everyone who helped me to achieve my goals and dreams. Sure they are mostly a product of the way we raise them, but they are also touched by all their loving caregivers (and we have been blessed with great ones) who taught them to have an adventurous, curious spirit; their grandmothers who contribute to their well-roundedness and enrichment and who teach them about patience and manners and that it's okay to be spoiled rotten; their aunties and uncles who take them on different kinds of adventures (birdwatching, amusement parks) than their mother would normally show them; all the non-family aunties who had them over for play dates so I could catch a break thereby shaping their social development; our neighbors who teach them that they are part of a larger community and their actions affect others; their preschool and kindergarten teachers who let them be themselves and encouraged their strengths; their RE teachers who teach them to have an open mind and a loving heart (and that girls can marry girls and boys can marry boys!).

I am awed by what my girls—at their tender young ages of almost-four and just-turned-six—have become. I am even more awed by the potential within them.

Thank you all for my remarkable daughters, and in shaping their remarkableness thank you for letting me follow my dreams. (And yes, I am giving myself credit and thanking myself, too!)

Thank you Bunny and Wallie for being such remarkable daughters. I love you.

Sometimes, when you realize these things, you just want to tell the entire universe.

Comments

[Lady M]

Your girls sound terrific and I'm so glad you have them and all the wonderful people who have helped shape their lives.

I'm looking ahead a few years and hope to say the same thing about my boys as they grow up.

[Backpacking Dad]

Word.

If I knew that any future kids would be as easy as Erin I'd want 12.

[CharmingDriver]

Reading this, I know in my heart I did the right thing w/ my sister's kids. It DOES take a village. Preferably one not smoking the crack. Good job, Stephania & Husband.

[mothergoosemouse]

This post really resonated with me. Thanks for reminding me of what good girls I have too.

[Yen]

Very resonating post! I had the same experience, feeling guilty not sharing in their lives and then missing work. It's wonderful to hear that you've found the right balance for you and that your lovely daughters are part of making that balance so great. I feel the same way about my 2-yr old.

[Nicole]

Wow, you totally made me cry. But I have to say I'm not surprised- the apple and the tree and all :)

[Stefania/CityMama]

It truly takes a village. The full impact of that statement hasn't really hit me until recently. This post has been rolling around in my head for awhile and it felt good to get it out!

I know all parents feel the same to some degree--as we should!

[Amelia Sprout]

I'm still trying to find the balance, but it is getting easier all the time. For M's sake, I hope she turns out to be as good of a kid as it looks like she will.
It definitely makes it easier to make choices in the right direction when you have good examples around you. Thanks.

[hannah m]

What a lovely, lovely post. I really enjoyed reading this.

[Motherhood Uncensored]

I just realized yesterday (after running two businesses for 2 years now) that the SAHM title just doesn't fit me. I'm a WAHM -- and I need to quit feeling guilty about it and get help with the kids.

That balance is SO hard - and sometimes I think it's harder when you work from home. You wanted to work from home so you could be near the kids, but being near the kids you don't get any work done.

If there's anything I wish I had learned from early on, it's that asking for help and getting help is NOT BAD. We don't need to be with our kids 100% of the time -- and in fact, in many cases, it's better that we're not.

Thanks for this post, Stefania. Really needed to read this today.

[jen]

We should really get ours together, mine is almost four too.

[amy]

simply lovely! :)

[GeekMommy]

Except for the fact that I only have the one girlchild, I could've written much of this...
It's the most amazing gift, isn't it?

I'm constantly wondering what I did to get so lucky to have a daughter as amazing as mine. It sounds like you do too! :)

(((hug)))

I think this is my favorite blog I've read in the past 6 months or more! :)

[honglien123]

Your girls ARE beautiful and wonderful. Thank you for being such a great mom. They are a pleasure to be around.

[LizP]

I am with you! I am so in debt to grandma, grandpa, grammie, brothers, our daycare provider, and my husband for contributing to the amazing-ness of my 3 year old son. I'm sure my 6 month old daughter is amazing too, but the extent of that won't be known for a while :-)

[Elizabeth]

A reader left me a comment on my post today that I should come here and read yours. Thanks for the reminder of how lucky I am to have such great kids, even if they do drive me nuts sometimes :)

[shane@onegoodie]

Thanks so much. I recently became a work-at-home-mom of a 2-yr-old and 4-yr-old and am learning to balance it all. You're right - great kids will continue to be great and with me happier as a working mom, we'll all be better off. It's nice to hear your reflections as you are a few steps ahead of me.

[V]

My son is grown up now, but he was always a good and loving child. On the day he was married to a lovely woman, her parent said " He is such a wonderful young man and we our so luck to have him in our family". I know I did a good job rasing my son because turn he out to be a really good man.

[List Mama]

Yep! That is the state of things in my house, too. If you are looking for something that might help you declutter your mind of all of the family details, ListPlanit.com has over 300 lists and planning pages to help you make sense of all the information that crowds our minds.

Jen
http://www.ListPlanIt.com

[Writer Dad]

It sounds like your girls are really fantastic, but they didn't get there by accident. Great job and good for you. Pat, pat, pat (that's on your back in case you didn't know).

[Michelle]

I loved this post. It might be my all-time favorite post of yours. Thanks for writing it and making me feel good about my decisions as well.