How the Grinch tried to ruin Christmas and how he didn't know he would be blogged

Wallie with her beloved smoked salmon plate.

On Christmas Eve eve the girls and I hit up the local mall with my mom and brother to do some last minute shopping and along the way, we decided to stop and have lunch.  My brother wanted to continue shopping and said he'd meet us for dessert so my mom and I headed into the restaurant with Bunny and Wallie and promised to save him a spot.

Naturally, the narrow restaurant was crowded with shoppers and the many outside tables—normally packed—were empty due to inclement weather. When I asked for a table for five, the grandmotherly hostess (aka Strega Nona, who I think was also the owner) tutted and asked where the fifth member of our party was. I could tell this wasn't going to go well.

"He's shopping," I explained. "But he'll meet us later for dessert."

I was prepared for one of those "we can't seat you until your party is all here" spiels, but instead she huffed and said something even more frustrating, "You are going to order food...right?"

It was the "dot-dot-dot, right" that killed me.

I blinked.

Twice.

Why would she ask that question? Sometimes I think (and this is something that is probably common with mixed race folk though we don't readily admit it), "Is it because I'm not white? Is that why you think I won't order something?" I don't want to go there, but I've been learned to be disappointed by presumptuous people. And she looked presumptuous. It wouldn't be the first time someone assumed something incorrect about me based on my appearance.

I wanted to scream, "I'm half-Italian! Aren't you Italian, too?" But instead I said."Yes, we're here for lunch." We were standing in the crowded entry and people were pushing past us bumping their shopping bags into ours and all I could think was, "I'm getting out of here." But at that moment she sighed and said, "Hold on, let me prepare a table."  And so we waited.

As we approached the table I noticed two things:

1) It was a table for four. The only way my brother could have joined us was by either sitting at the next table or on one of our laps.

2) Two of the chairs held booster seats, one for my 6-year-old who hasn't sat in a booster in oh, about four years, and one for my 4-year-old who tried a booster for about 10 minutes. Once. About two years ago.

"Can you please take away the booster seats?" I asked the man who seated us. I think he was husband of Strega Nona (aka Babbo himself, or as like to call him, The Grinch). To my shock and horror he said, "Are you sure? This is a very nice restaurant. Your kids have to sit in their chairs. They have to behave?"

Then, to make matters worse, The Grinch waggled a wrinkled finger at my girls and said, "You have to sit nicely in your chairs."

So many things came to my mind at that moment. Things like, "Fuck off, old man." and "Don't tell my kids what to do, asshole." And no, it's not a fancy restaurant. Nice, yeah, okay. But not fancy by any stretch. You're in a mall, for crying out loud.

Instead I said, "Trust me. My kids know how to act in a restaurant." He gave me a skeptical, dismissive look.

Can you say, "Bummed out?" I sure can. That fucking Grinch was trying his damndest to dampen my holiday spirit.

Let me pause here to say that we eat out quite a bit. Sometimes, if we're with my mom, we go to fancy restaurants with white table cloths, and sparkly wine glasses and separate plates with little knives for bread and butter are on the table. Most of the time however, we're at a casual restaurant where we can enjoy good eats (like pho or tamales or kebabs or dimsum or oyako donburi for under $20.) Either way, my girls are experienced at dining out. And either way, my girls know how to behave in a restaurants.
My mom with girls in a much better restaurant than where this story took place.

I remember eating out a lot as a kid. Mostly we went to Chinese, Japanese or Korean restaurants with friends where the kids sat at one table and the adults sat at another. Eating out is a fantastic way to teach kids about table manners and to teach lessons about politeness and patience.  I remember everything my mom taught me about manners and the restaurants where those lessons were taught. If we acted up as kids, we got the stink eye from my mom or any number of aunties and so no, we did not act like fools. Why? It's fun to eat out. It's a treat. And if we wanted to continue tagging along on their outings, we learned to behave accordingly.

The same things goes with my kids. Sure there were brief periods in their lives (oh, 9-15 months?) where we didn't eat out as often because expecting top-notch behavior from wiggly little ones just isn't fair. We got take-out and went to the park instead. But once my kids understood what the expectations for behavior were (and could be occupied with coloring books or small toys) we went out to eat with confidence.

My advice to you if you are afraid your kids' behavior will ruin your meal is to stick with family-friendly restaurants (and by this I mean ethnic restaurants where they often dote on kids), set expectations, and then just keep trying. And for heaven's sakes, don't be the jerks who leave a mess under the kid's highchair for someone else to deal with. Bend down and clean up whatever mess you can and leave a nice tip.

So back to the scene.

The waiter came by to take our order: salad and pizza margherita for my mom, a grilled salmon sandwich for me, a goat cheese and olive pizza for Bunny, and a plate of smoked salmon for Wallie.

"Smoked salmon?" confirmed the waiter.

"Yes, it's her favorite." I replied.

"You mean the appetizer?" said the waiter again, his tone full of disbelief.

"Yes," I said. "She always orders it here. She loves it."

The girls passed the time drawing and talking with us. We chatted with the table next to us since we were so close together we practically were one table. There was no running around the restaurant or misbehaving. They are good girls.

Soon, the food arrived. As the waiter put down Wallie's dish of smoked salmon, The Grich passed by our table and did a double take. I admit a moment of pride as I saw Wallie's eyes light up as the waiter slide the plate of salty, pink goodness towards her.

While we were eating my brother texted to say he was still shopping and I had a moment of dread as I prepared for one of the owners to make a snide comment about our non-existent fifth party.

We finished up our meal and got up to leave and on our way out the door, Strega Nona (Mrs. Grinch) stopped me.

Uh oh.

"Your daughters were so well-behaved," she gushed. Then she looked at them and said, "You were perfect. You can come back anytime."

Normally, I would have encouraged them to look at the woman and say, "Thank you, we enjoyed it." But instead, this day, I let manners take a back seat. Both girls were already cowering behind me as they are wont to do when a stranger addresses them, and instead of forcing them to be polite, I simply ushered them right out the door.

And, no. We won't be going back.

Even though Wallie really does love that fricking smoked salmon.

Comments

[Jane the Queen]

Unreal. I always believed in taking my children (25, 22 and 18 now) to nice places--how else will they learn how to behave in the real world? As for the mixed race thing, that's their loss, and their problem. You go, girl!

[Hillary]

What awful staff.
I'm hoping to teach The Boy manners just as you've taught your girls. My parents always took us out and expected us to behave, so we did. He's only 11 months, so he's just hitting the wiggly stage you warned about, but I love taking him to a new place and watching him try something new.

[Assertagirl]

Geez. Talk about control freaks, those folks!

I work in a restaurant where very small children are present constantly. Some are really well behaved and respectful, like your girls, and others....not so much. It's wonderful that you can take them out and enjoy yourselves together that way.

[Kari]

Sorry to hear that you had an awful experience. It would have made me grinchy too.

We are often fawned over at restaurants/cafes because of our kids good behaviour - it just reinforces how often people don't teach or require their kids to behave in public let alone in their homes.

[Kayris]

Wow. I don't even know what else to say. But restaurant staff everywhere should take note...that customer that you treated horribly may very well have a blog and write about your crappy service!

[Croft]

My daughter is 3 1/2 and has been eating out since she was born basically. I always bring something to keep her busy but she stays in her seat and knows how to behave in a restaurant - and she knows if she does not she will be removed immediately! My son is now in that 8-15 months stage so we are not eating out too much at the moment, but he will soon be "restaurant trained" like my daughter. I think the Grinch was rude and should not have behaved like that, but the majority of parents do not teach their kids how to behave in a restaurant - and she wrongly assumed yours would be no different. How many times have I seen kids running round the tables or throwing things while the parents just smile and shrug? Too many. (ask me about the time we paid $15 an hour for a sitter to go to a nice restaurant where a child was seated next to us and chucked his knife at me!). These parents ruin it for the rest of us who get the rudeness of restaurant personal who assume our kids are the same.

[papa2hapa]

I guess they are used to rude people and rude children. I've seen it a lot, but to assume that your kids were rude and wouldn't eat the food is a bit bizarre. Noodle is so well behaved and eats just about anything you serve her that it astonishes people. However, they don't ask in rude ways here, they just go, "wow, that's really great!"
Sorry to hear that your holiday spirit was dampened.

Happy New Year!

[Briana]

Dang, what idiots. I commend you for holding your tongue when mine would have been wagging like a banshee in a bottle. Further demonstration of good manners to your daughters. Yeesh.

[baby blankets]

I don't know if I would have ever been able to get to the ordering food stage without walking out! I don't understand rude people, especially when working with the general public- doesn't make sense! Good for you for holding your tongue. Good work mom for having such polite daughters!

[chez shoes]

Yipes. Considering the economy, if that's the way they treat their customers I suspect some not-so-great karma is waiting for them just around the corner!

[chez shoes]

Oh, and that Wallie is so many kinds of adorable I can hardly stand it :)

[kristine]

My daughter much like yours knows how to behave while dinning. But sadly most kids do not. And those kids are the majority & set a bad image in the minds of most owners & waiters. For us most of our friends do not have kids or have older kids. So my daughter from the time she was 5 days old has been the only child in mostly "adult" dinning experiences. She's 5 yrs old & most of the places she has gone do not have children's menus yet alone boosters. Her favs are sashimi , prime rib & mussels & tons of veggies. we have a few places that we are regulars & she is treated like royalty when she dines & therefor has learn to behave as such.
Ps... Wallie's glasses are over the top cute!!!

[kat]

i was totally going to ask if this was babbo before i clicked on the link. my mom and i have encountered not so great attitude there as well..and i'm 27 so perhaps it's just clearly an attitude with people of ALL ages. :)

it's amazing that restaurants can be so unaware of how to treat/act toward a consumer. especially when word of mouth can easily go a long way in alerting locals to avoid a restaurant.

[shannanb aka Mommy Bits]

WOW is all I can say. I cannot even believe that experience. It's insane that someone in the customer service industry can suck so bad at customer service.

[Faith]

The fact that she asked you if you were going to order food pisses me off beyond belief. I'm sorry you and your family were treated like that. It's ridiculous.

On the other hand, bravo for your well-behaved, non-picky eating girls. And I LOVE Wallie's glasses. Too cute.

[Wendy]

That behavior was inexcusable. You are far too kind in not naming the restaurant. I would put your story on the yelp.com site or some such review site...
As a parent of two children its not worth it to wait in line with hungry children, then feel you have no choice but to endure this treatment, because EVERYONE is starving!!

[angie]

Of course your children were well-behaved! That's why you went to that restaurant. Their loss.

[Linda]

Man, you have way more patience and grace than I have. I don't think I would have made it to a table. GRRR.

I hate that people assume all kids are crazy in restaurants and that all they want to order is a mushy plate of Kraft macaroni and cheese. I find it's easiest to eat at casual ethnic restaurants as well. Often, at the local Korean restaurants they'll give us complimentary rice and soup for our kids.

[Mary]

that hecka sucks.

hey! if you are ever in the east bay oakland/berkeley/el cerrito area, let me know. i'd love to meet you! =)

green yogurt told me you are really nice and that you're up for meet ups. heh.. maybe we should do a kimchi mama meet up thing with Tara!

your daughters are soooooo adorable. makes me want a girl. =)

[karen]

I faithfully read your blog and am always delighted and awed by the realness of your writing. Plus, we lead almost identical parallel lives (except you live in a much more awesome city than I). Right down to the "Fuck off, old man" thought running through your head. Would have been me, too. Mean people suck.

[Gudrun from Kitchen Gadget Girl]

thanks for the warning - I have often wondered about that restaurant. My kids are also good in restaurants, but face it, they are 6 and 8. There is going to be some amount of squiggling. Then again, I have seen adults who behave much worse than my kids. Does the Grinch kick out guests who insist on talking on their cell phones while eating in his fine establishment?

[Kristin]

I love the "you can come back anytime." Right. Sure. Pigs flying in a frozen over hell. I'm amazed that anyone can take one look at that pumpkin girl and not offer her a throne...jeebus.

And the other day my 6 year old declared that he liked smoked salmon more than candy. It's the food of the Gods.

[julie]

We had the same experience while dining there with my well-behaved toddler some years back. I thought it was just us. I think some restaurants should just post a sign saying "not kid-friendly." I would respect that more than having them seat us, be rude to us, and then having to give them our hard-earned money for the experience.

[Rena]

Thanks for a great post. Gave me a lot to think about as we've been avoiding restaurants for the past, oh, 3 years. On the plus side, I'm to the point where I prefer my cooking over that of many of the bay area restaurants. Still, there's that favorite pho place...and that great taqueria....and, well, you get the picture. My kids are eat-and-run types and I've never even tried to "restaurant train" them. Your writing has inspired me to try, though!

[Liz@thisfullhouse]

I hope the Grinch reads this -- although, I doubt if it will increase the size of his heart, any -- your story is pretty much typical of what we've been going through for the last 15 years. Whenever we do go out and eat at a fancier-type place with real tablecloths (with 4 kids, it doesn't happen often)that is. Of course, I blame it on parents who do let their kids go wild. Oh, but I had to laugh. My middle girl (she's 13 now) played Strega Nona in 2nd grade. Now, that was fun! Happy New Year.