CityMama™

R.I.P. Princess Phase

Put a fork in it, it's done. The frilly-girly-pink-and-sparkly princess phase. The phase that began back in aught-five and took a short detour into "the dinosaur phase," before swinging all the way back into princessville. Oh, we thought we were doing a fine job pushing gender neutrality by surrounding Bunny with musical instruments, balls, and books, but boy were we wrong. Once that princess phase takes hold, boy it's hard to shake.

Diane Sawyer interviewed Katie Holmes the other day and asked if Suri was into the "pink phase" yet. Katie looked at her with shock and horror, as if she had never heard of such a thing. Katie shook her head no. Oh nonono. Suri? No. Granted Suri is a little young yet, but we'll just see about that.

"I don't like pink and purple anymore. No dress-ups. No princesses. Too girly," Bunny now says with disdain. "I like gnomes and my favorite color is blue," she adds.

Right before Christmas break is when we noticed the change. Gone were the dresses and skirts in favor of pants and t-shirts. She was no longer jazzed to ride her Barbie bike. Too girly.

When Wallie walks around with strings of beads around her neck and a tiara on her head, Bunny covers her eyes, tosses her head back, and groans, "I can't look at her anymore! She's too...stylish!" And Wallie looks at her like, what's wrong with you, you freak? God.

Yesterday, Wallie and I had to go to our local craft store to pick up some supplies for Bunny's Daisy troop project, and while I was collecting pine cones and pipe cleaners, Wallie was picking out two small satin and ostrich feather-trimmed purses with beaded straps: one for her (the pink one) and one for Bunny (the purple one).

I tried to explain to Wallie that we only needed one purse since Bunny doesn't like girl things anymore, but Wallie was insistent on getting one for Bun. And I was too frazzled (godihatecraftstores) to argue over a $1.99, soon-to-be-recalled purse.

PR people are sitting up and taking notice because of us

Apparently PR folks are shocked to find out that we're onto them. Some important conversations are being had all over the blogosphere and, dare I say, within the PR companies themselves.

(By the way: Welcome to my blog, PR people!)

If you are a blogger that get PR pitches (or even if you don't...yet) please consider what these people are asking you to do. They are asking you to market their clients' products (albeit they are taking a risk by contacting you) for free. Whether you choose to do it is your decision and your decision alone, but just remember (I'll repeat The MommyBlogger Mantra now): Know your worth.

No one put it better than Mom-101 in response to 1) a bad pitch 2) a PR person brazenly asking her for a discount:

I am pleased you would like to advertise on Mom101. I am not pleased that you are asking for a discount considering it's what, 30 bucks for a week? It would cost more to buy a set of magic markers and make posters.

If you want your brand to have real estate on my blog and reach thousands of women, you are welcome to pay the full price. It is not my job to take a hit on the price if your creative is not compelling, creative, or clear enough to encourage people to click through. As someone with "a lot of experience with blogAds" surely you know that the prices are often paltry and out of step with other advertising programs. Asking mom bloggers - many of whom do this as their only source of income - to cut their rates is unconscionable

I got the same pitch, BTW, and I copied and pasted the above into my response with a note that said, "Yes, we mommybloggers do talk to each other and we're sick of being taken for a ride."

The issue of PR people not pitching to people of color—or worse, only pitching to them if they happen to have the stats to warrant it—is the one issue raised at BlogHer that I can't shake. I can't stop thinking about it, but what I know is this: We need more PR people like David Wescott in the world.  He has some very insightful posts up on his blog right now...and if you care to go through his archives, be sure to set aside about 348 hours reading and thinking time.

Mocha Momma—who got everything rolling in the first place, I'm just assisting—keeps on keepin' on.

Mom-101 is looking out for her peeps (aka you). If you like what she said above, keep reading.

Marriage-101 lays out some groundrules for PR people that should be tacked up above the urinals and in the bathroom stalls of every PR agency in America.

Thank you also to PR person/mom/blogger Susan Etlinger for her commentary.

And everyone (especially PR people) needs to read Lisa Stone's response to the whole deal.

Did you blog this issue?  Want to help foment change? Let me know and I will link you here.  Together, we can force these PR folks to listen to us. My brain didn't stop functioning the moment I had kids.

We have the power, they know it, let's use it.

"How do I make money with my blog?" (Or, how I ended up feeling like the one holding the hamburger in a room full of starving prisoners.)

(Not that BlogHer attendees were "prisoners!!" Man, I suck at metaphors.)

On Day 2 of BlogHer, I spoke on the subject of professional blogging along with a panel of folks, all of whom have calculated strategies on making money with their blogs. In other words, women who were nothing like me.

That's not a diss, by the way, so please don't take it as one. The women were lovely and so poised and professional, especially Chloe Spencer, 16-year-old with the NeoPets blogs. I just thought I'd be able to talk more about my own area of expertise: what I look for when hiring bloggers and how to get noticed. Instead, everyone wanted to know, "How do I monetize my blog?" (Or "monotonize" as the case may be.)

Since I didn't get a chance to convey that during the session (an hour and 15 minutes seems like enough time, but it's not), I'll do it here.

What would you like to know about problogging? (If anything?)

In a couple weeks I'll be attending the largest blogging conference anywhere—BlogHer—to learn stuff, share stuff, and meet up with old and new friends.  One of things I'll be doing is speaking on the topic of professional blogging.

The panel is diverse and we all bring something different to the table.  I think I'm sort of the renegade of the group because getting into the professional side of blogging for me was kind of a happy accident. On the personal side, I almost never check my stats (I don't have a head for numbers and can't remember them), and can only manage to put ads on my blog if someone gives me the code and explains to me how to do it like I'm five. I know the barest amount of html and can never remember how to do that a href link thingy and have to look it up every time. And business plan, what?  Seriously. I just hired a bookkeeper this month and he shook his head at me in disbelief (as I handed him my shoe box full of receipts aka "my filing system") that I didn't do it sooner.

My story goes something like this.

I started CityMama and, like many other parents who blog, wanted a place to park my thoughts about being a mother, stories about my children, etc. Secondarily, I was seeking out a community of like-minded people, mainly urban parents. And way, waaaaaay back in my mind, I suppose the ex-MarCom person in me was thinking, "Let's see how far we can take this 'experiment.'"

I happened to live in Portland where a hiring editor for Weblogs Inc. also lived. (And our kids happened to play together.) She asked me if I wanted a job writing for Blogging Baby.  So I did that for almost a year and then...

Link love: Blog Herald

Bloggers: An invaluable communications channel article in the Blog Herald.

I agree with the article but think bloggers are only invaluable if they are honest. I review things here on CityMama, but I'm pretty open with my feelings about a product or service. I don't want to be a complete a-hole, though. If I can't find anything redeeming about a product or service I won't review it. I also let people know that my reviews will likely be a mixed bag (sharing good points alongside bad points). And because I'm not Consumer Reports or a publication where I have to be objective, I'm going to tell it like it is. And that means telling it like I'm talking to my friends.

P.S. Anything I'm recommending in my "CityMama Recommends" column in the left nav bar are things I truly love. No one "incentivized" me to share those.

The Mommy Lit formula

After being sent the umpteenth mommy lit book this year—a book whose title I can't even remember even though I've been sitting here for five minutes desperately trying—I think I've figured out the formula.

First, start with one thirty-something, Jewish or WASP, NY/NY area, former-high-power-job-having mother. Add some meddling grandparents, a bitchy, non-child-child-having best friend and a "nice" (usually slightly hippified) best friend.

Thrown in a bumbling, mid-life-crisis-suffering husband who loses his job for either: 1) cheating or 2) being an idiot.

Force mom back to work in a job that is either: 1) beneath her or 2) one she has to take to pull her family out of financial straits.

Make sure two to three pages cover guilt mom feels for going back to work coupled with realization that dad does the stay-at-home-thing better.

Make sure at least one page is devoted to describing the closet full of size 6 or 8 designer clothes into which mom no longer fits.

End novel with family striking happy balance, usually mom comes to term with job (after some kind of huge, career-making success) or dad finally gets work.

And there you have it. The formula for every mom lit book currently stacked in a pile next to my bed.

Why aren't Mom Lit books about the frumpy Pentecostal supermarket checker in Omaha with the truck-driving husband? Or the Methodist sheriff's deputy in Cheyenne with a school teacher husband and five kids all living in a trailer? Or the pagan midwife in Seattle with the lesbian natural foods chef partner and their blended family with kids from previous marriages? 

Those are the stories I'd want to read.

Piece of Work.  That's the name of the book I couldn't think of earlier.

FUN FINDS THAT NO ONE TOLD ME I HAD TO WRITE ABOUT

Since we're talking about blog advertising...

I get sent a lot of products (mostly advance copies of books) by people who would like to get a little free advertising via my blog. I will happily accept any freebies (I'm no fool), but I never guarantee that I will mention anything. If I like it and/or it makes my children happy I will, but I don't always.

Recently, though, a three items "fell off a truck" and onto my blog, and they are things you might be interested in knowing about. I'd certainly recommend these to my friends, and y'all are my friends, too, so here they are:

LOOK RIGHT! A NEW WAY TO FEED MY KIDS

Like so many other bloggers, I dropped BlogAds in favor of a new ad venture from the fabulous BlogHer peeps. This is nothing against BlogAds, even though I just started with them.  I just received my first ad check, and, hey!  It's enough to buy a week's worth of groceries for my family! Which is awesome.

But the BlogHer organization is promising bigger and better things, and they invited me to participate so I'm giving it a whirl. Because the Blogher is an organization created by women for women, I'd just plain rather be associated with them.