CityMama™

CityMama's BlogHer 09 Survival Guide [and Shoe Recommendations]

Whether you are going for the first time or just need a refresher course, here are my two cents (adding to Kristen's excellent tips) to make sure you have a fabulous time at BlogHer.

1. Inhale and say it with me: Bringbusinesscardsandyourlaptopnoyouwontbetheonly oneeveryonefeelsawkwardandshysodontworry nothosearentcliquestheyarejustgoodfriendssogotalk tothemtheyarereallyfriendly. Now exhale. We good with number 1?
2. I have been to 4 out of the last 5 BlogHers and I honestly can't recall a thing about what anyone wore. I do recall the people who had beautiful bright red or purple hair, though. You will see a range of attire but most people are casual. As in, jeans and t-shirts casual. The people who are dressed up are usually the marketers and that's only because their bosses are there. Dress comfortably and for yourself, not others. If you aren't 100% comfortable with your outfit, it will bum you out. (Trust me on this.) And if you want to be memorable, dye your hair pink.
3. Roommate protip: Laxatives are your friend. If you are sharing a room with someone and the bathrooms don't allow for much privacy, you will be constipated at BlogHer. Even if you don't wear perfume, bring it to leave the bathroom smelling fresh. It's what considerate roomies do. (Let's face it, hotel bathrooms aren't known for their ventilation.) You will probably won't have a proper constitutional until you get back home so just keep on eating your fiber and drink lots of water. Again, you'll be in good company—everyone will be kinda grouchy and clenchy by Sunday.
4. Leave the gym clothes at home. Trust me, even if you have the best of intentions, you won't be working out.

CityMama WTF of the week

Oh Melissa Gira Grant, aren't you cute with your "let's take a big huge dump on mommybloggers" while backhandedly praising a non-mommy blogger for her internet success. I was one of her Twitter followers who watched and waited with growing anticipation for "@savvyauntie's" site to launch. Melanie Notkin is, without a doubt, one of the kindest, smartest, savviest, kick-ass-est people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. (Yes, in person, finally, at BlogHer.) As a woman and mother with two sisters and a best friend who is the best auntie anyone could ask for, I give Melanie lots of credit for creating a welcoming, informative, and beautiful site where women without kids but who love kids can feel at home.

You and your single, childless friends must snicker into your avocado-tamarind mojito-rita-tinis about those poor, sad, exploitative mommy bloggers making cheddar off the backs of their children. OMG, how could they?! Writing about poop and leaky boobies and spit-up! Gross! What sell-outs.

Or wait, would that be me presuming something about you and your life that isn't true?

Women who blog, especially mothers who blog, are constantly subjected to condescention and cynicism surrounding our successes. (Not just from MSM, sometimes it's from other bloggers or even our friends.) We are made to second-guess our choices. We are forced to question our voices or intent. We hold back our truth because we are women. We are made to feel shame for earning money from our blogs whether it's $5 a month or $5,000. Somehow, because we are mothers—tech savvy mothers at that—we're not as legitimate.

We gather together at places like BlogHer so that we can have our successes acknowledged by other women who know the bullshit we constantly face. We can share our truths, let out our frustrations among people who understand, we can support each other and offer advice. In that regard, a conference just for women who blog is a beautiful thing.

Melissa, I can't suddenly sprout a penis so I guess I'll just have to put up with the disrespect.  But I'm kinda tired of it. Especially when it's other women writing the mean-spirited shit.

Sometimes, it's okay to just say, "Congratulations on your success."

Loose at BlogHer with a video camera...

check out your favorite bloggers and mine talking about their dairy favorites. You just might see someone you know!

My BlogHer 08 post

Hiiiiiiiii!
Huuuuuuuuuugs.
Booze.
Hiiiiiiiii!
Do you have a card?
Booze.
Booze.
Booze.
Fried chicken and kimchi ramen at midnight with mah grrrlz.
Effin-A it's early.
Bagels? Where's the bacon?!
Tap-tap-tap-tappity-tappity...fail whale.

Gender and identity=wicked smaht ladies.
Tired.
Fuck these shoes.
I'm not bringing my laptop tomorrow.
Omigod, hiiiiii!
Huuuuuuuuuuugs.
So tired.
Caaaaaandy! Cupcaaaaakes!
Laughing and crying at the same time.
Maybe these free martinis will make me forget how tired I am.
Hiiiiii!
Do you have a card?
Burgers and bloody marys.
BlogHer Women of Color meetup FTW.
Sleep is for the Weak.
Excuse me, asshole doorman, are you talking to me? P.S. Le Colonial sucks ass. 
MOMocrats brunch: Finally! Eggs, home fries, bacon AND sausage. In other words, a REAL breakfast. With a little policy making on the side.
So tired.
Do I want to go to the Michelin event?
Raymond and Allison (the drivers). Kinda crushin' on both.
Gittin reddy ta lay 'er down.
Driving like a maniac.
Caviar and champagne.
So freaking tired.
Final huuuuuuuuuuuuuugs.
Home.
Sleep.
Waking up with my babies.
Missing my three perfect days with Bad Kitty.
Smile.

Home from BlogHer Business. Tired. More later.

Need to re-connect with the family this weekend. But I promise to share my thoughts about the conference on Monday.  Briefly, I continue to be blown away by BlogHer's efforts to empower women in the blog/social media space. It's an honor for me to be connected with such an incredible organization.

Met some incredible bloggers who are growing their own online businesses with smarts and passion.

Met PR people and firms who care about reaching out to bloggers the right way.

Got to see witness Pierre and Doug singing "Wake me up before you go-go."

Got to hug Jen Lemen.

Watched as Kathryn took off her cute shoes and showed them to the audience. Six! Dollars!

Marvelled at Jory Des Jardins' mad moderating skillz and her ability to keep a conversation on a touchy subject (pitching to bloggers of color) going.

Didn't get a lot of sleep.

Johnson's Baby Camp: The "Diss"-invitation

Edited to add: This afternoon I spoke with Lori Dolginoff, Director of Communications for Johnson's. See the end of this post.

Yesterday I blogged about how I was disinvited from Johnson's Baby Camp because I couldn't commit to being there the entire time. Even though I was traveling to the east coast for BlogHer anyway (on my own dime), and even though they approached me all apologetic-like because I hadn't been invited, and even though I was told to hurry and RSVP as spaces were filling up, I was told I wouldn't be participating.

Let this be (another) lesson to PR people: This is (another) perfect example of how not to deal with bloggers. When I Twittered that I had been disinvited, then posted about it, I had commenters flocking to my post to see what was up. I also had about 15 new PR people requesting to follow me on Twitter (since my tweets are locked) inside of 30 minutes. J&J via their PR agency had the misfortune to bungle this opportunity with someone who is passionate about educating PR people on how they "get it wrong," and how they can "get it right." And like I said in my previous post, I will be talking about this at BlogHer business (especially from the "minority blogger" angle), and I know I'm not the only one.

Why do I do it? I do it for ALL the mommy bloggers. If PR people learn how to do this right, it benefits all of us. In other words, it's so not about me. I hope that is abundantly clear.

So here's how it all went down:

It all started when my good friend Jill Asher, founder of the Silicon Valley Moms Blog  called me to see if I was going to Baby Camp. I told her I hadn't been invited. (See J&J? We bloggers go to conventions and meet-ups and stuff where we meet each other and become...FRIENDS. Friends who talk about stuff. Like blogger meet-ups.)

Jill told me that J&J had extended invitations to the SVMoms and their network of bloggers and since I occasionally contribute to SV Moms, she asked if I would attend if invited. I said, "Sure."

Next thing I know, this email hits my in-box.

MARCH 13 (first email)

from    redacted <redacted@rfbinder.com>
to    Stefania
date    Thu, Mar 13, 2008 at 4:33 PM
subject    Johnson's Camp Baby
mailed-by    rfbinder.com

Hello Stefania,

Jill Asher informed me that you have not received your invitation to Johnson's Camp Baby. I apologize, and wanted to inform you that you will receive it tomorrow morning and if interested, you can register directly from it.

I hope you're able to join us.

Take Care,
redacted

MARCH 13 (second email from DIFFERENT PERSON at DIFFERENT PR AGENCY)

redacted <redacted@mmastrategiccommunications.com>

Hello Stephania - though I’ve reached out a few times, we’ve not officially “met”.  I’m writing because I just got pulled into this project that Johnson’s Baby is doing for bloggers – it’s called Baby Camp.

Basically, it’s a press trip to discuss all things baby and its taking place on April 2 - 4, 2008 in New Jersey.  I’m attaching info along with an agenda so you can see what it all entails.  Would love to know if you’d like to come (know it’s short notice but I just found out about it) – Johnson’s is covering the costs of travel/accommodation (the entire trip) so there is no cost to you.

 

Let me know if you’d be interested in attending and if you have any questions.

 

Best,

redacted

and I respond to the above right away:

Id love to talk to you more about this. I have some logistical issues since I will also be speaking at blogher biz (on the topic of pr-blogger outreach). Can I call you tomorrow? If so what time? Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

and she responds:

Hi - I'm pretty much around all day tomorrow except for a 2pm EST call.

My number is 908.xxx.xxxx office.

Thanks.
redacted

I never hear from her again. In the mean time...

MARCH 14 (second invitation sent by another DIFFERENT PR person--received this invitation twice)

from    Johnson & Johnson <redacted@rfbinder.com>
reply-to    redacted@rfbinder.com,
to    Stefania
date    Fri, Mar 14, 2008 at 11:45 AM
subject    Johnson's Camp Baby Registration Information
   
Dear Stefania,

JOHNSON'S® Invites You to the First Ever

Camp Baby!...

MARCH 14 (Since I hadn't RSVP'd they asked me to hurry up and respond!)

from    Johnson & Johnson <redacted@rfbinder.com>
reply-to    redacted@rfbinder.com,
to    Stefania
date    Fri, Mar 14, 2008 at 1:41 PM
subject    Johnson's Camp Baby Registration Information

Greetings Stefania,

I hope this note finds you well! Due to overwhelming response, I am excited to report that Johnson's Camp Baby is almost full! There are only a few spots left, and I would love for you to be one of our guests. Please RSVP as soon as is convenient. I apologize, but after we reach maximum capacity, we will no longer be able to accept any more RSVPs for this year's Johnson's Camp Baby. Thank you and I very much look forward to seeing you at Camp Baby!

All the Best,
Johnson's Camp Baby

Yes, I want to attend

No, I cannot attend

:: :: ::

Let me just stop for a second and say that at this point I'm thinking, "Wow! All these emails...They must really want me there."

Also at this point I am wondering how I am going to arrange for two extra days of childcare and how I am going to convince my husband to maybe take a day off of work because we can't afford to pay a sitter for the extra childcare, but how is my husband going to take a day off of work since he just started a new job two weeks ago and doesn't have any accrued vacation time yet?

How was I going to coordinate this nightmare so I could go get pampered (all the while worrying about my kids, no doubt). I finally got to the point where I decided we'd just make it work. So I RSVP'd that I would attend.

Because I needed something to talk about at BlogHer Business

Edited to add new information. Scroll down.

As some of you may know, Johnson & Johnson is throwing an all-expenses paid blogger junket featuring spa services pampering and celebrity photo-ops in the beginning of April. About a month ago, some of mah blog sistahs started emailing me asking if I was going. The answer? No. I wasn't invited.

I had already solidified my plans to speak at BlogHer Biz and I knew the dates overlapped. Plus, I don't have a baby anymore so I didn't think much of it.

Until last week when I got three different emails from three different people (over the course of 2 days) asking if I'd like to attend Johnson's Baby Camp.

Then after a day or so went by and I hadn't responded, I got another email telling me that I had better hurry up and RSVP since the camp was filling up.

So finally, after working out all the childcare and travel logistics (Johnson's would have done well to have their camp on a weekend when their target audience didn't have to arrange childcare), I decided that I would be able to go after all, but would have to skip part of the camp to attend BlogHer Biz. I RSVP'd yes and was contacted by someone who said they'd help make all the necessary arrangements.

Then today, I was disinvited to Johnson's Camp with this to-the-point email.

Unfortunately, we can only accomodate those who registered to arrive and leave within the parameters of Johnson's Camp Baby.

In other words, because I'm going to BlogHer, I'm SOL.

I totally get it. They are shelling out tons of money and a blogger mama who can enjoy the full pampering treatment deserves to go in my place. Trust me, I'm not crushed, I'm laughing. And I'm delighted that someone more deserving (and less mouthy?) will be able to go.

Edited on 3/21 to add: Stop the presses! A mommy blogger (of color) emailed me today to tell me that when she declined, the J&J folks asked her if she could come even if it was just for "part of the event." This means what they told me about why I couldn't come isn't true. Not professional, J&J.

Those of you that are going, I have a little side project for you: I'd love to know how many bloggers of color attend Johnson's Baby Camp. Will one of you email me Twitter when you get there so I can have those stats for my Blogher Biz talk? (Or, if you are a blogger of color, let me know if you were invited.) Just curious.

Edited to add: I'm now hearing that people are being disinvited for a host of other reasons (one being: no slung babies allowed. Or breastfeeding babies.  Yes, at Johnson & Johnson. The baby company.) I fear this is another PR nightmare-in-the-making. Have you been disinvited? Comment away!

Sites linking to this post:

Mom-101 (Though to clarify, my feelings aren't "hurt" for being disinvited. I'm merely pointing out the lack of professionalism in this whole ordeal.)
Queen of Spain (a MUST READ esp. for PR people)
Moms Connected
Fake Plastic Noodles
Scobleizer
Maryamie/Maryam Scoble
Pop! PR Jots
Susan Getgood/Marketing Roadmaps
Flamingo House Happenings
Eye on Blogs (cbs5.com)
Contest for Moms
Media Orchard
Confessions of an It Girl
Loralee's Looney Tunes

Did you hear? Blogher08 will be in San Francisco!

San Francisco! Hooray!

I don't know 'bout you, but I'm thinking that good ole CityMama here might need to have herseff a house party complete with red Solo party cups full of Kool-Aid and 151 and special appearance by Kid N Play.

If you already know that you are coming to BlogHer08 (I know, it's like 429 months away) lemme know! Let's kick this conference off "correct!"

PSA: You and you and you can join BlogHer Ads

Okay, please bear with me all you folks not interested in blog advertising, but if you are, you need to know about this. (Full disclosure: I'm working with BlogHer to help get bloggers like you and you and yes, you to join us!)

BlogHer Ads has just reopened itseff to bloggers wanting to join the ad network. If you have a blog that's more than 3 months old and you post regularly (at least 2-3 times a week) that's pretty much all the requirements right there. Easy, right?

Okay, maybe you have questions like:

• Can I be a dude and join?
• Can I keep my blog and my URL as-is?
• Can I keep my voice? (Cuz sometimes I say the F-word. A lot.)
• Can I keep my text ads and sponsored links?
• Can I keep my graphic ads?*
• Can I send in applications for more than one blog, cuz I have, like, three?
• Can I control (accept/decline) the ads that appear on my blog?
• Can I write about topics like food, politics, business, fashion, crafts, and technology?
• Will someone help me if I have questions?

The answer is YES! You can do all those things. BlogHer Ads is looking for blogs that are more than 3 months old with great writing on a variety of topics. BlogHer manages the code and sends you your check. You don't have to do much more than find a spot on your blog (left or right nav above the fold) for the ad strip, and write consistently.

You have more questions like:

• Do I have to be a technical expert cuz I know nothing about code?
• Do I have to be a popular, high-traffic blogger?
• Do I have to accept Flash ads?
• Are ads based on clicks?
• Is this going to be hard?

The answer is NO!

No one needs to refer you, no one is going to reject you based on your traffic numbers.  No one is going to tell you how you need to change your tone, voice, or content. Ads are based on impressions.

Blogher has people to help.  They give you the ad code and tell you how to insert it and they don't care how many hits you get. Hey, if I can do it, you can do it. Seriously, I'm lame at coding. The folks behind the scenes are incredibly helpful. I know this because I've asked them LOTS of questions over the past year.

If you've been thinking about monetization and you're interested in BlogHer Ads, let me know. I can try to answer any questions you have and if not, I can certainly point you in the right direction.

**Updated to add: if you sign up, please also let me know!**

*Graphic ads from other networks must be below the fold (below 768 pixels).

Link Love: 10 Reasons to Ditch Bottled Water

I'm such a "target market" sucka.  That Jennifer Aniston ad totally makes me want to buy SmartWater. Sometimes I even fill my metal water bottle with it. Dichotomous? Yes, I know. It never ceases to astound me.

(Then again, I'm the daughter of a woman who got snookered into drinking that chunkified Borba water so perhaps being a target demographic runs in the family...)

Henyway, if you get suckered into buying bottled H20 you have to read this post.