40 and on Facebook

Here's the thing. I'm on Facebook because I kinda have to be for my work. But while people gush over it being a timesuck and loving the connections they are making with old school chums, I have to stop and think, "Really?" How is it a timesuck? How does anyone spend more than 5 minutes on Facebook without losing their everloving mind?" Just what exactly is the appeal? Is it the endless quizzes and apps and rating of the ads? Is it the snooping around? The chatting? Because I kinda hate Facebook.

Okay, I admit it. The snooping around can be sorta fun.

I hate that it is a place where my real-life friends, my blog friends, my work associates, my exs, my grade school classmates, people who never talked to me in high school but still want to be my friend, foreign guys who are looking for wives, and my babysitters all collide in one place. That creeps me out so much that I even suspended my Facebook account for awhile. It's not easy to delete it, I tried.

But then I realized that (gah!) as a blogging and social media consultant, I needed to have a Facebook account. There are plenty of big and small companies and individuals implementing lots of cool social media programs on Facebook and I want to know about them. I just don't want to have to make decisions about whether to friend people who I don't know or in some cases, don't like. (I'm 40, I don't feel guilty about not friending you.) I really don't like that people are able to post pictures of me and tag them, especially pictures of me in high school. (I do appreciate the untag feature, though.) I don't like that it is morphing into something that is starting to closely resemble my beloved Twitter.

I'm almost 40. I left high school behind when I was 17. If I knew you in high school and we still talk, then I appreciate the fact that our friendship has lasted throughout the years. If I didn't and you're trying to be my friend on Facebook, well, that creeps me out a little. I know that it may seem like I live a pretty open life because I blog about certain aspects of it, but really, I like my boundaries.  Maybe that's what 40 is, the year of better, bigger, boundaries. And a little less Facebook.

—Stefania/CityMama

Comments

[cat/bad kitty]

See? That's why I have multiple alias. They can't find you if they don't know your name.

[cat/bad kitty]

Ahem: aliases. Plural. Because grammar & spelling is important.

[bonggamom]

Great post, and great blog, Stefania! I'm not quite 40 yet but I'll be rounding that corner soon.

Facebook seems to be the social app used by everyone from my home country (the Philippines), so like being able to see photos posted by relatives and friends, and I like finding old highschool-mates. Maybe one day they'll discover Twitter.

[dgm]

I resisted FB for so long because of the things you mention. Then I decided to see what the privacy settings allow.

I've set my account so that no one can add me as a Friend; they can only send me a message. So far, it has worked great because the only people who send me messages asking how they can add me as a Friend are people I actually know (and usually like). If I want to friend them, I just add them. Also, I've set my own criteria: I'm only going to add friends about whom I can say something tangible about their place in my life and with whom I'm comfortable sharing pictures of my kids.

I actually love having friends from different stages in my life all gather and share updates and pictures (although admittedly, UGH, I've had to untag myself from one photo of me that was so hideous I cringed every time I saw it). I love seeing my "inner circle" interact.

Now Twitter? Sorry, I really don't get it.