BFF's Bad Kitty of Wishbone Clover and Stefania of CityMama are turning 40 this year and we're milking it to death, just like Jennifer Aniston. Will John Mayer write us a special 40th birthday song? No? Whatever.
Already part of the 40w Club?
Care to share your experiences? We love guest posters, especially those bearing wine. Email us, we'll get drunk together.
You know what we love most about this photo that 40 Whatever reader Amy sent us? These girls look like they know how to throw a party. And we're wondering why we weren't invited.
Check out that sass and verve. They've got "40 whatever" written all over them, don't they? How was the party? Please let us know!
And, hey, you ladies look fabulous.
—Bad Kitty and CityMama
Would you and your 40 Whatever girlfriends like to be featured right here on 40 Whatever? Email us a photo and tell us what you are doing!
Pamela Denise Lee Anderson Lee Lee (?), pride of Canada, born July 1, 1967 Age: merely 42
Oh. Dear.
Pam ... you're looking a little, well, a bit worn. Maybe you should just take a seat for a few minutes while Stefania and I reconsider our firm belief that we can all shop at Forever 21 forever, because rules are for fools and age is just a number.
Hey, speaking of numbers, can you believe that Pammy is only 42? Her picture is in the dictionary next to another number: "10 miles of bad road."
Also, speaking of illustrated definitions, try this one on for size: "Rode hard and put away wet."
Anyhoo ... back to the question of WTF is Pam wearing this time, and how old it makes her look.
Despite her vague and troubling resemblance to a dancing chicken, after giving it some serious thought, I decided that Pam could totally get away with this outfit if her hair wasn't so fucked up and fried.
No, really, take a good look. Her body (thanks to millions of Mötley Crüe mp3 downloads-worth of plastic surgery) is still banging, and I looooooove those shoes. It's that hair that makes her look so old.
What a relief! For a minute there I thought I'd have to give up my H&M accessories addiction. Now that we have that cleared up, who's got a spare VO5 hot oil treatment to loan Miss Pam so she can stop scaring the livestock?
My 20th high school reunion was held last year and whoops! I forgot to attend.
Damn.
Months before hand, the emails and Facebooking started. "Are you going?" "No? Why not?" Some friends even called me the NIGHT OF asking me why I wasn't going. That was sweet, but does anyone really need a reason why they don't want to attend a high school reunion?
I don't want to sound bitter but I had no interest in catching up with people that I really didn't know 20 years ago. Plus, I'm just not into the "one-up-manship vibe" that seems to surround so many of these kinds of gatherings. It's not that I hated high school--it was fine--I just like leaving the past firmly in the past. Where it belongs. I treasure the friends from high school that I still have and make an effort to see them as often as I can. That's good enough pour moi.
See? No matter what reason you give for not going you end up sounding bitter. Another reason NOT to go.
What about you. Did you go to your 20th or did you totally blow it off? If you went, was it what you expected? If you didn't, did you have any regrets about not going or did life carry on as normal?
I think I'm going to have to go into hiding before the next reunion rolls around. Maybe Facebook will be dead by then. But if I had considered going, I mean, if it had crossed my mind for more than a millisecond, I totally would have sent a stripper in my place like Andrea Wachner did.
Yes, I went back for sloppy seconds so you didn't have to. Episode 2 of The Cougar included Lubriderm, three Herpes Kiss Off eliminations and flames. At least there was cake.
Pumping Stacey
The one enjoyable thing about this show is watching The Boys compete in stupid contests. It's an endless game of Truth or Dare, where they can only take the dare. Gee, are the producers competing among themselves to see who can make The Boys look the most stupid? Contest code name: Shooting Fish In A Barrel.
Truth or Dare-Dare #1: Design a work out session for Stacey.
Inspired ideas included:
Imaginary martial arts
Bench pressing Stacey
A stuttering Marine with terrible skin, Lubriderm, and something about massage... I looked away
One genius tactic: "You don't need to work out, you're perfect, let's just talk. And kiss."
Yeah, I watched The Cougar last week. I'm sorry I couldn't bring myself to write it up before now. But holy Christ! It took this long for the holes it burned my brain (and my soul) to heal.
Who was the brain scientist watching the Bachelor who hissed, "Yessssss, thisss eeeees humiliating and delicioussssssssss, but how can we make it tragic? Psssssssyche damaging? Rich with ssssssssschadenfreude?"
Even worse, which evil genius responded with this pitch:
Let's get a hot "older" -- but not too old! -- babe
Have her date a mob of 20-something d-bags
Lube 'em up with vats of alcohol, including plenty of the good stuff, like Jäger. And Red Bull. Jägerbombs!
Stick them in a McMansion of Degredation in LA, replete with hot tub, pool (the better to skinny dip, my dear) and almost certainly an outdoor shower tucked away in a corner awaiting al fresco sex
Add cameras and a heavy dose of chagrin, then leave it in the dark where it will grow into a pale, poisonous, mushroom-like creature.
No, I don't think it will be back for a second season. And yes, I'll stick with it for this one. So let's get this over with. Here's what you need to know about the show:
Renée Kathleen Zellweger was on born April 25, 1969, which means this weekend she joins the 40 Whatever club.
This pretty lady has had what some would call patchy luck with love, but she's also won every kind of award - Oscar, BAFTA, SAG and Golden Globe. She's one of the highest paid actresses in Hollywood. So she's doing alright.
Besides, who hasn't broken up with a musician and then married a gay dude on the rebound? We came of age in the 80s with Boy George, Duran Duran and ambiguous gender roles. Those confusing times leave a mark.
Girlfriend also knows how to rock a dress. Remember the Paris Hilton Wonky Eye Lesson? Well Renée could give a Master Class in knowing your pose and hitting that mark every time. She also hardly ever makes a fashion mistake, because she knows what works for her, i.e. she only wears Carolina Herrera.
Welcome Renée! Please feel free to join us in a champagne toast on your next eating day, whenever that may be. Hey, it's your birthday -- maybe you can even have two eating days this month!
Bad Kitty turns 40 in a month and I hit 40 in fall. For what seems like forever, we've been talking about how we'll spend our birthdays. Sure we'll have our celebrations with family and friends but then we'll have our celebration together.
Look out.
Back when we worked for the Man, we talked about going to Paris. Now that we work for ourselves, we're wondering if Southwest still does that friends fly free thing.
We're still planning our big celebration (or celebrations, remember we're milking this thing for all it's worth), and as we do, we'll add more ideas to our Not Bucket List over there to your right. Whatever we do, you can be sure we're not going to lame out and pass out by 9pm like we did when we turned 21. (Or when one of us turned 21.)
In the meantime, we'd love to know how you celebrated your 40th. Did you do it up? Keep it mellow? Hide under your bed?
We're going to fix us all a couple of tall vodka drinks and grab a bag of potato chips, but when we come back we want you to tell us all about it.
You know who looks better than Lindsay Lohan? Pretty much everyone.
This fake eHarmony ad is supposed to be a poke-fun-at-yourself spoof, like the ones that Paris Hilton did, but the difference is hers were funny. This is just, well, it's kinda sad.
Look at her dead, expressionless eyes. We've all see those eyes before: on crazy people.
Lindsay, you are 22-years-old. Lighten up, babe. We know your family's all fucked up and that has to be terrible, but you are still a talented, beautiful girl. We miss the fun Lindsay. The sweet, fresh-faced "Parent Trap Lindsay."
We think it all went wrong when you tried to grow up too fast. And then there's all the drinking and smoking and staying up all night. That'll make a girl look like she's done years of hard living in a short time. Okay, so you have been doing years of hard living, our point is, LiLo, you gotta get your shit together.
Look, we know there is an expiration date on young actresses in Hollywood, but slow down a little. Don't rush it, there's plenty of time for Restylane and filler. There's no need for your face to look like you're addicted to chemical peels and spray-tans even if you are.
We didn't want to have to say it, but you leave us no choice: Dina looks better than you, and the betch is pushing fifty.
Get it together, girl. You're 22. Enjoy it.
Signed, Two women who are older than you and know better
Leaving aside the fact that forty isn't really old enough to be a cougar (sigh) and young men are stooopid, I CAN'T WAIT to see the new reality show "The Cougar," brought to us by the classy love pimps from "The Bachelor."
Stacey and Vivica. Yes, that does look like a bed behind them. Scary.
Hosted by the terrifying Vivica A. Fox -- would you talk back to her? I didn't think so -- this show is filled with shame pleasures.
Cougar Stacey Anderson is (0nly!) 40. She has four children -- yeah, a MILF. She's a real estate lady from Arizona who had over $50 million in sales her first year. Believe me, you'll recognize her: tiny, blonde, frozen face, pushy.
For some reason (maybe because it's cheaper than renting 100 billboards, in the desert, with giant real estate ads that feature her headshot?) Stacey has agreed to date a house full of 20 idiots in their 20s, all with untucked shirts, hard bodies and flaccid minds. Mmmm, sounds dreamy. Not.
To be fair, the divorced 23 y.o. pool boy from Austin and the former Marine both tucked in their shirts. The rest? See for yourself.
Stacey's on Twitter and Facebook. And oh yeah, I'm following her. I mean, I'm following the minion from the Mean Gay Producers Mafia who's been assigned to write her updates.
Remember our friend Pamela? Pamela is "40 Whatever Fabulous" in her spring-y Orla Kiely outfit (and bag). We want to go where she's going. Doesn't she look cheery?
Send us your photos! If you rawk the 40 Whatever fashion we want to know! Tell us who you're wearing and we'll make you famous amongst our readership.Of dozens.
We'll start in the Carolinas and end in Texas and sample the best barbecue America has to offer. Why? Because we like meat.
Hotel Living
We like: mini bars, movies, and lounging around in our pajamas with our laptops right where they are supposed to be. We'll bring running shoes to pretend like we're going to work out, but really, who are we kidding. You see where this is going?
Knock some sense into dumb people
We'd love to be the camp counselors on a show like the Real World or Rock of Love.
Eating Dinner in a Vineyard While the Sun Sets
You know those scenes of a dining table set in a Tuscan or Sonoma vineyard dressed with beautiful linens and people sitting around it drinking wine and eating and laughing while the sun goes down? We want to be those people.
Yoga Retreat in New Mexico
Some of our fondest memories are of spending time doing yoga together. Do other wannabe yoginis spend the entire class laughing together? We do.
